over the last 10 months I’ve started I think to realise the denial I was living with .. I thought the old me would win .. I fought everything to be as I was .. each operation was a step in the right direction physically ..But then the brain injury .. I the old me says yes I can do this as I had done before accident then the new me can’t .. my brain functions has altered , personally, concentration, I’m slower physically and mentally , the list sort of goes on …
But this makes me feel like I am two people .. does anyone else feel like this ???
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Teazymaid
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Hi, I think we all compare and contrast what was and what is. I tend to think of mark 1 (before), and mark 2 (after). As time has passed the comparison has become less as my memory of before has become more distant.
I completely understand how you feel. For me it was like going through the stages of grief, I grieved for the person I was, the ability to live and do the most basic things/tasks without being completely drained, triggering a migraine or needing to sleep for hours; and guilt for taking that for granted. Finally I come to acceptance (it’s taken 6 years, I had physical injuries that needed mending) only now have I been able to reach out for help to manage the emotional turmoil I’m facing each day. I think I get what you mean by 2 people I now have most of the memories and things I’ve learnt from the old me but I’ve had to learn to do things again in a new way a much simpler slower way , the new me. Does that make sense? 💛
There was a time when I thought I'd be back to "normal", the first week, the first month, I guess even the first year. I can't remember when I accepted that wasn't going to be but there was a cascade of negative things that occurred in the early years, and I guess I was less self aware than I thought I was for longer than was good for me. I can't say that I have any landmark events subsequently to gauge where I am between who I was and who I am now.
Hi Sue. When I first saw the expressions 'The old me' & 'The new me' on Headway I thought 'No way .....not me'. Nothing was going to stop me getting back to 'normal' and, after discharge, I ordered a new (bright yellow) bike to prove it.
Fast forward a couple of years and it was just fact that the old me no longer existed. Throughout those early months & years I guess a grieving period is inevitable. But, with time and acceptance (& occasional growling & swearing) I've managed a decent quality of life knowing I'm doing the best I can.
I'm not sure the sense of dual personality can ever really leave us if our 'old' selves were quite dynamic. But maybe a second chance at life after a serious brain injury is even more precious than the first ? 🤔
Oh bless you cat … /.. I am a bit lost at the mo as I know things have to change … I’m trying to find the new me and more than anything except the new me Sue 😊
I can’t express in words the comfort I’ve felt speaking with you guys people who actually know and understand EXACTLY what and how I’m feeling. I’ve felt totally isolated and ‘felt’ that I was surrounded by people who ha no idea/didn’t believe the impact my injuries have had in me. ‘You look fine!!’ ‘You did this yesterday and you were ok’!’Thank you for sharing and letting me know I’m not the only alone.
took me 20 years to fully accept the old me died that day. My family I felt 4 saw what they knew as me, came across totally alien?!! Life is defiantly challenging!! Look that I owe my survival to many many people so learnt to tolerate/accept the new me, now find pleasure in supporting stroke survivors etc. curse myself whenever I find myself reflecting?!! Life is precious, LIVE it!!….oh, n a smile helps!! Good luck x
I felt like I died straight away and woke up in a 90 year olds body 🥴 just very unaware that I wouldn’t with all the fighting in the world get the old me back .. I know now that I was in denial and am coming to terms with it . Just was curious if others feel like two people … but I’m guessing that is another part of excepting .. and others have no idea what I’m talking about .. even that’s frustrating ..
Yes 100% on this . People say to us about our daughter " thank god she survived " No one understands no she didn't our daughter died the night of THE ACCIDENT yes ( apart from scars) she looks the same but we've been left with a vrrybdiffernt daughter ......
From what I understand of it we all think like that.
Truth be told we all know we can't get the old me back and generally we won't accept it. We maintain the hope we will defeat the wobbles, we will defeat the fear and worry.
2 weeks today I'm going to the pub for the first time in 4 years. That's nothing is it? Well, I'm going to the pub in Gloucestershire from North Wales to meet one friend from Lancashire I've never met before and another (English) friend from Geneva area I haven'seen for 20 years. The day after, as I'm in the area, I'm going to church for the first time in over 40 years to pay my respects to a couple, who I found out by accaccident, passed a couple of years ago. I haven't been to Gloucestershire almost 5 years to the day, I used to go at least 1 weekend a month before my life imploded for the second time.
Will I be brave enough to go and knock on Fei’s door (daughter-in-law of elderly couple) to say hello while I'm there?
Don't know. It's utterly ridiculous something I would have just done without a second thought gives me so much grief. I've done all sorts of preparations, car goes to man to make sure it will get there and back tomorrow, theoretically nothing should go wrong .... but still I'm sat here crapping myself!
ahh good morning and sorry to hear you’re struggling.
Having a look through the comments here clarifies that this is indeed a very common problem.
I myself did suffer with acceptance for a long while, but the best advice that helped me come to the realisation that I wasn’t gonna magically return to my original self is the explanation that all people change over time, whether it be due to trauma of any description, life is tough sometimes, we adapt to new situations and people generally are adaptable creatures.
I also feel that we need to accept our ‘new selves’ before we can expect anybody else to accept us.
Hi SueOh for sure you go through phases, not being aware, becoming aware, thinking there's something you can do to 'get back' , seeing a glimpse of where you are and then thinking you are stuck there and you may not be.
You are still you. Every step of the way you are still you.
My mind thinks I can do things I can't do - well not that fast anyway. It takes me a month sometimes to do what I used to do in a morning.
Well, and yes you kind of have been two people - before and after. That's a gift too - most people know intellectually others are different from them - we know experientially - because we have been one and now are another there is a process there, but even so.
You do get used to V2 - I found it helps to assess the new you with kindness and curiosity, rather than frustration. Kind if like being your own best friend.
hi I understand exactly what you’re saying after my ex-husband beat me I’m suffering from foreign accent syndrome my voice has totally changed, it’s so strange at first I could hear me in my brain when I talked my voice was not me. It was a strange person who I didn’t know nor did I like the voice such a dilemma. I want to see a therapist, it’s strange but before I went to see her, I felt that God was saying to me embrace your new voice, but I don’t like it. I still don’t like it. It’s not me ,my voice before I think I liked it but this new voice. The brain injury stopped me from doing the things I used to do as quick as I could . But now I don’t have the. , physical energy to do it I know it needs doing. I don’t have the energy to do anything. I do what I can do and then I have to rest. It’s not easy if you have to work But. at least I am well retired I can only say to you what God and the therapist said to me . Embrace the new you it sounds easy, but it’s difficult, so please try and embrace the new you maybe you will get to like your new you. Take care God bless Liz.
Great quote from Freddie Flintoff in BBC series about taking group of young adults to India. When asked if he was better he replied "better no, different ". This sums up head injury for me. Takes a lot to stop comparing old to new but you will get there.
I've popped on here with a few different versions of my thoughts on how we accept/live with/explain v1 and v2 of ourselves. Other folk have explained about accepting that v1 died, and grieving for the person we have lost. That was crucial for me too.
One of my current theories is that my brain is still the same brain, I'm still the same person. But I'm operating on a different frequency, so what's being broadcast to me and to everyone else, isn't quite the same. My silly old brain is still broadcasting some funky tunes though! 🧠🎶
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