Am I going mad?

Read it and weep, that is what I said :).

Now the reason why I think that is because I have been talking to people before and I might say "Do you remember... So and so?" An event usually, and the person I am speaking to would have no memory of this event/situation.

An example would be yesterday, I was talking to my mum and brother and I asked my brother a question. He didn't know what I was on about. So I tried to explain the situation once again but it didn't seem to help and my mum made matters a little worse cos she said she didn't remember either.

It was silly cos this situation only happened a few weeks ago and when I was talking about it yesterday they didn't even remember!

I thought I was the one with the dodgy head haha.

Anyway, things like that really frustrate me. I 100% know that this situation happened and they either don't recall or vaguely remember.

I remember it like it originally happened yesterday, they hardly have any clue as to what I am talking about and so I then think " Well I must have been in a room with people who looked exactly like my family then". Either that or maybe the body snatchers have returned :).

15 Replies

  • Hi Matt

    Are you sure your real and not imaginary ?

    Thats what I feel at times when this happens. Could it be borrowed memory. Its what I call it when someone tells me of an event or I watch a home movie and am convinced I was there. It feels so real but I can sometimes have false memories.

    In the past I have argued I have been to places and even described them only later to find out I had watched a friends holiday dvd and it had been saved in my memory as though I had been there.

    Its frustrating trying to seperate what I can remember and what someone has told me. The first year after my bi are all borrowed memories yet seem so real to me.

    Hope you get it sorted.

  • Matt, I don't know you, so this is going to sound weird. I apologise in advance.

    I have a load of memories of stuff that happened when I was in hospital after my brain haemorrhage. Stuff that didn't actually happen, but it's absolutely crystal clear in my mind, happening.

    The fancy term for it is 'confabulation', and, in my case, I know that is what it is, my brain has a whole chunk of time missing, when I was either sedated, or doped to the gills after the surgery. My brain doesn't like missing bits, so it sort of filled the gaps for me. I was absolutely certain I had been in that hospital before, that I knew two of the nurses, one from school, and one from Twitter. I told the husband and son that I had been on a day-trip to another hospital, when I was pretty much stuck to the bed. I threatened to kill the husband if he didn't give me my mobile phone, which was in my work-bag, from when we'd gone home so I could wash my hair.

    None of that happened, it was all invention. I COULD have killed the husband, because he was very patronising, in his "Course you did.", but it really distressed my son. Even now, nearly six months later, I have vivid 'memories' of one of the other patients on the ward doing something rude to his sandwiches, and of a nurse shaking my big toe, and calling me 'Freya' (which is not my name) to wake me up... Mad.

    I know I was an antagonistic nightmare in the hospital, but these false memories were very distressing, I was quite certain I'd been out of bed, and to the shops with the husband, to buy lip-balm, and 'bits'.

    Brains are tricky things, and it might not be that other people can't remember the events you are re-telling them, it could, conceivably be that they didn't happen.

  • Hi Gaia and pax,

    I shall involve both of you in this comment.

    You both could be onto something here. I remember the scenario freshly, like I was saying and Hours after the initial conversation, I did calmly speak to my mum about it and she does partly remember.

    What it was, was me, my mum and dad and my bro in the front room of our house talking. My bro moved out last year and came round to visit. I won't speak of the conversation we had but my mum said she does remember us being in the front room a few weeks ago.

    She just doesn't remember everything that was said during that conversation. But like you were saying, it could be the fact that this THING that was said may not have actually been said at all and that I imagined it and saw it as real?

    Interesting thought though. Thanks to you both for talking it through with me :).

  • You wouldn't believe the RAGE I had about being absolutely certain things that hadn't happened HAD happened, or maybe you would?

    Some of the things I misremembered were plausible, others were just utterly weird. The husband thinks it's a right laugh, telling me how stupid I was.

  • Sometimes Matt I think the 'Normals' forget stuff too. Only when they do, it is far easier (and probably less worrying or more advantageous) for them to deny all knowledge and blame any mismatch of memory on your beleaguered brain. My sons do this to me all the time, I swear. 'What do you mean you haven't tidied your room? I told you 3 times already' ... 'No, you didn't mummy, but we will go and do it now.' And my husband, when he is late at the train station...'you said 6 o'clock, not 5...' and I am sat there thinking I know I said 5 because that meant I was home early enough to do X...

    But what can we do? Without installing familial lie detectors 😀

    Still I have to admit they have all become a great deal more forgetful since I became ill. So maybe it isn't all them...

  • That is also the thing. The able bodied or 'the normals' can forget stuff too and they usually dump these forgetful situations on me cos of my BI.

    My mum was saying at the time "Maybe you dreamt it" but I know what I dream and what I don't dream... At least I think I do :).

    Usually, if I have any sort of dream, I forget what happened in it.

    Back to the term 'the normals'. I know exactly what you mean by this term but I do not use it because the way I see it, I am normal to just like the others.

    'The normals' kind of sounds like an eerie horror film haha.

    Well reallythough, what is a normal person? Do they exist?

  • No, they don't, Matt -but 'they' think that they do! Hence the ' ' 😁 I have a strong suspicion I am way more 'normal' now than I used to be...because I have an equally strong suspicion I used to be rather odd....😂

  • Love that phrase ` The Normals`.....I actually feel more acutely alive and human since my ABI, all emotions are that much more raw and I am very aware of time passing and precious life ticking by in vibrant colour. If I am abnormal then fine, bring it on! :)

  • Being abnormal is so much better than being "normal".

    Like I usually say " 'NORMAL' is a difficulty setting on a video game" :).

  • Hehe, when people tell me I'm not normal, which does happen quite often, I have two stock responses:

    "Normal is relative- have you MET my family?"

    "A normal is a line, in relation to another line, does ANYTHING about me look straight?"

    I wouldn't want to be anyone else's definition of normal, and, when weird stuff happens, at work, which it frequently does, I'm the one who says 'This is our normal', and encourages people to deal with whatever messed-up crap is happening, alongside me, who NEVER claims to be normal.

  • I agree who wants to be "normal". Normal is the average state of things ....who wants to be average anyway.

  • Thankfully we are not "normal" or "average", we are "unique" :).

  • Yep we are "unique", "unusual"," strange" even. Maybe a little "odd".....errr think I'll stop now, getting a little to close to the truth here

  • Hi Matt,

    From past conversations with me and others you have demonstrated a quite phenomenal memory - you have prompted me many times about things we/others have discussed, which I have then recalled. I am wondering if you have an above average ability to recall in detail, in comparison with an ordinary person ?

    I have forgotten what it feels like to have a normal memory but I believe I was pretty reliable before illness - my partner relied on me to remind him, now we try to remind each other, when we can remember ! These days I am in awe of anyone who can remember reliably, it must be a great asset !

    The Body Snatchers - I have watched it many times.The final scene when Donald Sutherland points his telling finger and opens his mouth to make that noise - shudder !

    One thing I can never forget ! : )

  • Hi Angela,

    And thanks for what you say about my memory. You make it sound as if I have a super duper memory, much like that of a robot :).

    Trust me though, it isn't THAT super.

    I do admit I have a good memory and probably a bit better than most able bodied. I think it is because I am still pretty young, as I am told. I'm 31.

    In time I reckon my memory will slowly go down the pan. I am more aware of what goes into our foods as well now, such as chemicals. There are certain foods/drinks that could lower the memory.

    There are also foods out there that can aid the brain, not just memory either.


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