Who can I ask for help???

[sammm2k]

Almost 10 years have passed, my mum fell down the stairs & fractured her skull leaving her with brain damage & totally different to how she was before the accident.

She’s 72 tomorrow & she is so confused, asking me to phone her mum (my Nan passed away 22 years ago). Wanting me to find out who lives at number 41 & why they keep posting mail ( she lives in 41 but she’s adamant she lives in 83). She won’t get dressed, wets herself & although she changes her night dress, dressing gown & slippers, (several times a day)she will not shower & my sister says she smells (I myself can’t smell since my own BI 5 years ago).

I can see her partner (my step dad) getting more drained & I don’t think he’s able to care for her any longer. I do try to talk to him but he makes excuses & says she’s not like it all the time, but she is & I don’t want him to think he’s not done a good job caring for her, he’s done amazing but I’m worried about him & my mother I just don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

So sad to see

[Marnie22]

I am so sorry that this is so difficult. I think that the Headway helpline might be able to advise and support you. The number is 0808 800 2244.

Best wishes.

🙂🌸

[Jaxs050783]

Headway will put u in the right direction. Years after my BI they still help me from time to time.

Thinking of u and your mum

Tony

[Painting-girl]

That's really hard, so sorry, hope Headway can help you

[New_beginning]

Have the conversation with your Step-Dad to arrange consultation with your Mums GP, write all the issues down like a list due to limited time. It may be suggested referral to Adult Social Care for your mum to receive an assessment for her needs, doesnt mean she will go into a home, it maybe to support within the home that services can be provided.

Look at your local authority website and The Care Act to help you understand the process.

However the GP may book another app to arrange assessment of her mental capacity, though this may be carried out during the assessment with social care, at the start. Maybe ask Step-Dad if they ever done Last Power of Attorney. The process will take months, but may be plenty of time to understand the process.

I wish you all the best.

[cat3]

Such a shame for your mum and all of you who love her. I agree with New_beginning re contacting Adult Social Care and seeing what they come up with. Also Headway will be able to further advise you on extra care at home to allow your step-dad some support and respite.

It might be necessary to sit down with him to discuss his hopes and fears. It's possible he can't cope but fears your mum going into a care home, especially at present whilst visiting is prohibited. Once you're clear on everyone's true feelings it should help you decide how to proceed, in the interests of your mum and those caring for her.

Loved ones of mine have recently gone into care homes (with dementia in their cases) and it's heartbreaking seeing quite capable people you've been so close to suddenly so diminished. I do hope you'll find the help you need Sam...... x

[No1wthayla]

In the US, we have some care facilities that allow a couple to stay together. If one person needs assistance the staff there help with their care. For the other person you get peace of mind knowing your loved one is taken care of. The one who doesn't need help will be less stressed about not being able to help or not willing/able to send her for help outside of the home.