Uni's ending

[B_S_A]

Well for everyone else at least. It makes me so pissed that I missed out on 2 and half years of uni, just when I started dating this girl that I liked, and now I can barely focus on anything. Everything was so god-damn sweet.

It's just so suffocating to think about my future, and the reality of my situation is so inescapable. It makes me want to curl up into a ball a die in a corner.

The doctor now says that my surgery has a FIFTY PERCENT CHANCE of working. Can you get your head around that?? I just had to have a stroke (at the age of TWENTY) and have it come from an actual structure in my brain that can't be cut out.

What am I supposed to do? "The only thing you can do is move on". Bullshit. Why are we born to think and feel, why are we given this ability to be crushed emotionally. It doesn't help in any way.

[Tortie14]

Ben I have no answers. I won't give you any platitudes. You have got a tough deal. But perhaps don't look forward if it is hard. Just now is enough and you have come through so much to get back to uni and done so well. You are stronger than you feel. hang in there.

[B_S_A in reply to Tortie14]

Thanks for the support.

[cat3]

When my brother was terminally ill (far too young) I murmured 'Life's just crap'.

He replied ........It IS what it IS ; nothing more, nothing less..........just a lottery.

So that's what I live by now. Just riding the bad bits & embracing the good.

If you're religious then, yes, you have cause to complain to your 'maker'.

But I certainly am not, so it's a case of working with what I've got and staying well away from expectation.

All the same, I feel bad for you Ben, I really do. xx

[BaronC in reply to cat3]

The Cat said pretty much precisely what I wanted to say, only much more eloquently. She doth speak sense.

You've been dealt a hand of cards and you have no choice but to play them. I have no doubt that you can and will make those cards win for you, because after all, what's the alternative? I don't know you, I have never met you, but it's clear from your posts on here that you have an inner strength that most people can only dream of. Keep tapping into that strength, it's all you can do. I understand more than you know precisely how you feel, many of us do, but the sad truth is that all you can do IS move on and it isn't BS. It just feels like it at the time.

Keep fighting, keep talking, keep living

[B_S_A in reply to BaronC]

Thanks to the both of you!

[aqua4]

Hi Ben, I know its hard and everyones situation is individual to them but can you try to focus on the fact that there is a fifty percent chance of it working ? When I had a ruptured aneurysm my family were told the same about the surgery. I was much older than you and I'm still here. Take care.K

[B_S_A in reply to aqua4]

That's great that it was a success

[Julesgettingthere]

Hi B A S

Are you there ?

[B_S_A in reply to Julesgettingthere]

I am now!

[Julesgettingthere in reply to B_S_A]

everyday i wonder why i go through the motions of feeling what i think it is i am supposed to feel. All i really feel is false. finding headway and listening to other people gives me a focus. You look so happy in your picture on headway, it brings a smile to my face.

[Kirk5w7]

Hi Ben I echo all that has been said, it would be so easy to say it could be so much worse, and I could give you examples of the so much worses( if that's a word) but they wouldn't help you.

You've come so far and have got a ways to go I know, but you can and will do it because what's the alternative?

We're all behind you willing you on, you're support from here is enormous Love Janet xxxx

[B_S_A in reply to Kirk5w7]

If worses isn't a word, it should be.

[cwith83]

Hi Ben

I had a Brain Hemorrage in August 2013 aged 29 before this I was a solicitor at a top 10 law firm and a busy mum of two.

You've summed up how I feel - it is unfair but I've always said to my children life is unfair.

We just have to make the best of it. Cx

[B_S_A in reply to cwith83]

Must be tough with two kids...hows it going with all that? Keeping it together?

[cwith83 in reply to B_S_A]

It is really tough. I have really young children ( 4 and 2 years old) luckily I have lots of help.

I have to keep it together. I don't want to scare them.

[Negeen in reply to cwith83]

Good to hear ur doing well now.

[Negeen]

Aww we love you Ben! Keep trucking forward.

[B_S_A in reply to Negeen]

[Hidden]

THERE A BUDDHIST SAYING THAT SAYS "THE ONLY THING THAT EXISTS IS THAT WHICH IS IN FRONT OF YOU" IT'S SO TRUE.

I TRY & USE THAT WHEN I'M PANICKING ABOUT THE NEURO (TOMORROW) OR THINKING THAT I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS S*** FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

AT THIS MOMENT I AM NOT AT THE NEURO I AM SITTING IN MY HOUSE ON THE 16TH JULY 2014 WATCHING AN OLD KENNETH MOORE FILM. THEREFORE THE NEURO DOESN'T EXIST. IT CAN BE REALLY HARD TO DO THIS BUT WHEN I FIND MYSELF THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING HORRIBLE I REALLY TRY..

IT MAY HELP YOU, HOPE IT DOES. YOV'VE ACHIEVED SO MUCH.

[B_S_A in reply to Hidden]

Thanks!

[Hidden]

My opinion? I'm pissed off with the 'when I was at university.....................' claim. Meant to be better than those of us without a degree ..................................................... do the plebs a favour and FO will you?

[Danslatete in reply to Hidden]

Wow that's a wee bit harsh!

I don't have a degree, I didnt get the oportunity to do it, nor did I get the grades. I was trained and schooled by the Air Force to do air traffic. I carried on learning into my late 20's then I went back to college after the accident.

No one asks for the turmoil that descends on us following a brain injury, wether we are a toilet cleaner or queen of England.

BSA is just struggling with the ' if only it hadn't happened, I would be moving on with them'

You must have felt life could be hard and unfair?

[B_S_A in reply to Hidden]

Woah, settle down. I don't remember saying that I was better than anybody.

Try contributing something constructive.

[Sem2011]

MMm I agree I had to read it twice. We are surely here to support each other? Likewise Danslate says I am sure we have been at this stage thinking what if. wishing you well BSA

[B_S_A in reply to Sem2011]

Thanks a lot.

[B_S_A]

I'm all good, just one of those days it seems!

[B_S_A]

You're all brilliant people, we've all been through the worst of it and here we stand.

[B_S_A]

I read my post back and it's a bit cringy...

[Hidden]

NOT CRINGY, JUST HONEST.

[RogerCMerriman in reply to Hidden]

Indeed who wouldn't be hacked off by the deal of cards you've been dealt, you seem like a can do guy so like others have said I suspect you will do.