Anyone who's a carer feel stressed out.i am going to see our gp who knows us well, and I feel like I'm going to down the first five mins bursting into tears at the sheer relief someone's listening.
I feel that four years on I should be "coping'.
From a medical view, I feel I am.hubbys health is ok, he's getting stronger and I feel I've got support the past week after months of shouting very loudly and keep on at outside involvement.so that's good.
However..I feel like I've come to a crossroads.
I can cope with the day to day things I need to do with hubby.and the paper work etc.
I've just recommenced physio for him and seen physchiatrist who I feel helps immensely.
But me. I'm the problem.
Why do I feel so unloved and alone...
It's not my hubby's fault this happened and I love him to the ends of the earth and will fight for the best of everything..but when I look at myself it's like treading water.
I think the realisation of ok this is how it will be now...we've come a long way and he's done amazing but he's got no emotions left. It's very rare he will even ask how I am.
I suppose I miss the hugs, the laughs, I try and hold hands but it's like I'm just one of the care team now.
And it hurts.
I think he was so much my rock that it's knocked me.
Like I said , anything for him and it's an easy ask...fight to the end for everything.
But me..dunno where to start.
I've began going to a netball association group once a week. And I've always gone swimming.
But it's at the home.
He doesn't really want to "do"anything .
He doesn't like socialising of going out.
I accept that.
Although when we go out he loves it.
I just feel that I can't talk to anyone almost without betraying what we had.
But yes. I'm selfish and I miss the man I married.
He's still there in glimpses and thats what I live for. Those snatched brief moment are worth their weight in gold.
Kick up the arse maybe in order.im not pessimistic..and I've got my positive pants firmly hoisted up to under my armpits.... But ..it's just lonely.
Someone once said it's like you need to greive for the person/life you had do you can start afresh.... But you can't have that time because you are living it.
Sorry if I sound stupid.x