This is never ending.......

[DyansJourney]

After my Subanachroid brain hemmorage last June, I was left clumsy, forgetful, obsessive, unable to sleep, worry was through the roof, and severe photophobia and constant migraines which are debilitating..... Now to top it all off, the last couple of months I've had the "pleasure of severe tinnitus", along with everything else! I haven't slept for 2 nights now as it makes my photophobia and head worse..... So I've basically came here TO SCREAM ABOUT HOW ABSOLUTELY SICK OF ALL THIS I AM AND HAVE A DAMN GOOD MOAN! I HATE PEOPLE..... NO ONE UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH IM SUFFERING AND I JUST STAY QUIET BECAUSE IM SICK OF HEARING MYSELF COMPLAIN..... IIm at the hospital about my photophobia and headaches on the 10th of Feb...8 MONTHS I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN TORTURED BY MY OWN HEAD AND BODY.... I keep saying things over and over and repeating it to myself ALL THE TIME.... Things that are just stupid, that don't make sense, songs that are full of crap. Yet I had to Google the word GUARD yesterday, for the soldiers that stand outside of Buckingham palace for the Queen! Don't ask me why, she's not even here anymore and I don't know why my head just never stops..... I often entertain myself having little parties ON MY OWN... and love my own company.... But I'm driving myself mad! Hahahahaha.... If I could knock myself out. I WOULD PUNCH MYSELF RIGHT IN THE FACE AND BREAK MY OWN NOSE TO SHUT MYSELF UP...... I'm insane, I talk to myself and answer myself and laugh at myself and talk to dishes Wen I'm washing them..🤣🤯 if there were cameras in my house , Id be sectioned! THATS ALL FOR TODAY.... and if anyone feels like this, HATS OFF TO U for putting up with urself.......🤦🏼‍♀️ I bid u all a fond farewell now that's off my chest! Hahaha ......and breathe.....😁

[Jonty77]

hi, I don’t know what to say because I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But then I thought just say something so you know you’re not alone. So I hear you and I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time, it’s just not fair. I hope you have someone, a friend or family member you can reach out to.

I also do the silly songs thing and forget words and when I’m fatigued I commentate on what I’m doing.

We are all amazing survivors but i think sometimes people forget that the surviving bit was the start of something, not the end achievement.

Hang in there, we’re here to listen whenever you need it.

[Jowood29]

hiya, well I get you and your rant. I have been in that crazy place many times, with pure frustration at living with this dysfunctional brain. I can tell you I’ve had those thoughts, screamed, thought what’s the point of existing like this, why why why? But then I got to understand a bit how brain injury affects day to day life, how it messes with everything, even simple word finding and coping with normal everyday noises, smells, activities etc. early on after my surgery was worse, but every so often it can come back and I am in that place again, this usually when anxiety is high, when I’ve over done things and there’s some stressful situation happening to add already a poorly brain and all the changes I’m still adapting my life to, even 6 years on. You are not alone. I got referred to a neuropsychologist, this has helped, I understand better how to live and how this brain injury affects me, i started swimming, somehow the water soothes and calms the overthinking and racing thoughts, I put boundaries in place, said no to things and unhelpful people. I went back to my GP, got proper pain relief. I rested more. Went for more walks. I’m not saying these things fix a injured brain, but it helps you cope better living with it. Don’t be so hard on yourself, life is different, it’s shitty but not the end of living well. Please get help. You are not defined by your limitations , You are defined by your endless possibilities!

[Teazymaid]

good morning 😁 …. Love the way you write about your strange new world . I do relate to the new me and my life with a battered up head and body with humour but could scream with the way I feel inside .. I had a TBI and hated the last two years . Constantly trying ti find new ways to do things and most of the Time succeeding but I still don’t want this .

Keep chatting on here as it helped me more than any Dr could do .help from people who do understand ..

my trying to find the right word has had my family in stitches as they are so badly wrong . 😁

Good luck with your Drs with any help that can be given and welcome to the new crazy world of life with a new brain .. people outside off this will never understand what it actually feels like as for me I can’t put into words how different everything is .. so how would someone with out it know . Sue x

[Oppo24]

Hello, you are most certainly not alone. I talk with myself regularly as I find it helps to rationalise my thoughts when I hear them out loud and not in my head. I also forget words and/or forget meanings, sometimes mid sentence. It is immensely frustrating but you do learn to deal with it. Once I stopped fighting and started to accept the new me it did help. Hope you manage to deal with it and do remember, you are not alone!

[Skulls]

I am often asked to whom I am talking, usually when cooking or clearing up in the kitchen. I tell the wife, “myself” and rebuke her for interrupting. I don’t do it consciously. I think it is a reaction to not talking to others. I can’t see any harm in it and it ensures others give you a wide berth in the supermarket if nothing else. Like Oppo, I occasionally have dysphasia problems but rarely in foreign tongues, only English. Yes, my brain is messed up but I still consider my survival a minor miracle though I have no idea why I was spared. Good luck with your ongoing recovery.

[Purplesunshine123]

hi there I can relate to what u av said xx

[CaptBolitho]

I too had tinnitus for around six years only in the one ear sleep was never easy but then one day I woke up an it was just gone I have no idea why this was & I could not feel anything but joy for my hearing such as it was had all returned so chin up one day you too could be like me an have yours return & I pray for your sake it doe's I went through agony from lack of sleep so you have my sympathy

[skydivesurvivor]

the brain’s a wickedly sick!! Devise. A laptop u can shut up!! Listen to only when u want to!! All I can say is I had none of the annoyances u do, I reguarding my .5 of a working neuron upon a very dusty attic!! Bles him has spent 10 years doing housework, filing memories etc. now trying to find me another purpose?!! ‘L let u scream at yours just remember as annoying as they get just smile to spite y frustrations!! This is a very helpful sight to vent y frustrations, someone will always comment, no doubt a lot are in the same boat!! Keep calm n carry on- a whole alternative meaning for us u laugh!!