just when things were starting to look up..........

[shellsbelle]

sorry for writing on here about this but i have nowhere else my wife my soulmate my civil partner the one that i went through my struggles with to have another baby the one that supported and looked after me after my SAH has decided to leave me saying she isnt happy gutted isnt the word i dont know what to do

[Kirk5w7]

Oh no, gutted for you, I'm so sorry, who knows why people make the decisions they do. Try not to let it throw you off course, as I said before, you've come so far and fought for all you've got. My thoughts are with you, be strong xxxx Love Janet

[cat3]

That's a real bombshell right in the middle of such positive stuff.

I'm so sorry Michelle. Do you think maybe she was feeling overshadowed by your success and motivation ?

Like Janet, I hope you can find your way through this without buckling...........I realise things will be

so much tougher on your own, not to mention the emotional upheaval. There's nothing anyone can say to take the sting out of your loss but you know, don't you, that we'll be thinking/worrying about you.

I hope you can find the means to carry on making a success of your life...........It'll take courage & willpower but please stay with the plan Michelle.........you've come too far to let anything jeopardise it. And keep posting ! xxx

[BaronC]

I wish I could say I can't imagine what you are going through. However, sadly I know all too well. Sometimes those closest to us are the ones affected greatest by the events that have changed us and you are not alone in suffering 'loss' after such a dramatic change in our lives. It isn't a happy time, it isn't easy to come to terms, but it does and WILL get better.

It's glib, it's cliche, but you will get over this and see that in time you are better off alone than spending your life with someone who feels shackled by the new and different you. You'll get there, Michelle and be sure that if you EVER need to vent, scream, whatever, just get in touch. No idea where my ex is now, and frankly, I don't care. But as you know, I'm really quite happy now. You will be too, of that I'm positive

Andy x

[Hidden]

So sorry to hear your news after all the positive stuff that has been going on.

Nothing that anybody can say to right now will bring you comfort, the breakdown of a relationship when it is not your choice is heart breaking and takes time to get over.

Who knows why your partner left, we could all make a guess, but only she will truly know. She may have waiting for you to get yourself back on track and to enjoy some success to ease her guilt in going. Maybe she thought the time was right when things were good for you?

I know as a partner of a person who suffered brain injury it has been hard. Whilst I understand that it must have been hard for my partner and that he can never ever walk away from his life as it is now. It has been hard for me too. My life hasn't been the same, some days I feel lonely and lost for the man that I lost and the relationship that we had. I was coping with his journey, the injury, the recovery, the depression, the after effects - but without help for me. There were days when I know it would have been easier to leave than to stay - it took real strength to stay, because I had the choice. There are times when I do not know where I got that strength from. I hope this honesty doesn't hurt you, it is not intended to I am just trying to explain how it feels to be "the other person". My life changed beyond recognition. I have stayed and I love my man very much - however I confess there are days when I am not happy because of what I lost and because of I will never have the man that I married again. There does come a time for partners after putting their lives on hold during brain injury and recovery to decide what they want for themselves - it is hard for them to be honest and put themselves first after a long period of putting the other person first. I chose to stay and whilst there are days when I am not happy there are many days where I am because we have worked hard at it and been honest about things that will never be the same and how we feel about them. That was my choice and I moved to a position where I stayed with my man because I wanted to not because I felt that I had to or because I felt guilty - this allows us to move forward. Sadly your partner may not have been able to get to that position. She is probably at her lowest ebb now too and needs time for her recovery. Just some thoughts?

On the positive side

You need to think about "you" now if you are to keep going, think about what you have not what you have lost, think about what you may have moving forward.

You have a remarkable talent, the photographs that you have posted have moved me, they are beautiful with a depth to them that not everybody can capture. You can continue to make a successful business from this. As it is your own business and you can dictate your own speed, level of work etc - this should suit the new you. Many people brain injured or not do not have a talent like yours and would give anything to have this.

You have two gorgeous children and you are alive to watch them grow and develop over many many years. Children are a precious gift not everybody can have them. Treasure them and build your future together they will bring you so much joy and you will bring them so much joy.

Once you get through this you may somebody new and somebody that loves you for the new you not somebody who thinks about the old you. You are a beautiful person.

You have life and a level of independence post brain injury that many do not achieve - this is your tool for moving forward.

Whilst yo may not believe it now - you have so much, things that others might give their lives for. You will appreciate it again once you get through this trauma. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.

I know it must be tough right now and that you will miss your partner and I know you must be scared. But you have everything to make a new start and you should treasure that. One day you may recognise yourself that it was time to move on.

I really hope that nothing I have said has upset you - just trying to give you a different perspective.

You will have to go through the grieving process and you will probably need help to get there - but help is there, don't be afraid to ask for it.

The main thing that you have is HOPE - life can begin again, if you made it through the brain injury and came out the other end you can get through this. Treasure everything that you still have - including you.

Do get some help to get through this you are not alone

Thinking of you

x

[Hidden]

Meowth. What lovely words of wisdom. As you know I too am the mum of a brain injured daughter and all that you have said is so very true. But like you also say if 'Shellsbell' can get through the trauma of her injuries she can surely find the strength needed to get through. Any break up is difficult enough but she mustn't let this get in the way of her recovery as she has done so very well. Jo xx

[vjones2]

im the 1 had the sah my bofriend one day didnt say hed had enough he just moved he still comes every dy to see me which on 1 hand is nice on the other hurts im not going to say it will be fine as i dont no your situation or problems after sah i had mine 3 years ago after op i was moved then had the stroke you ill be very upset confused lonely i no that from me dont no if you have family all i have is a elderly aunt and a sister who live quite away from me good thing in 1 way as she doesnt understand its like shed say oh pull yourself together without thought sah/stroke leaves you scared worried enough things like your g/f going just make us more upset down have you got any close friends to talk 2 you need someone personal to you my best friend i wish was around is away with her hubby working abroad my other one passed away lat oct so im here same no one to talk to how upset it all is so posting on here nothing wrong in it you want bit support, im sure there will be more people with lot better replies for you mines not a good one as im in same boat im sorry wish i could be more help you take care

[headchild]

I'm so sorry to read of your break up with your partner.

I hope you find the strength to come through this with a positive outlook for your future.

I'm sure there will be one xx

[vimto]

I Would just like to echo what every body else has said , I ve been where you are and no one knows how hard things are or can get , i hope things get better for you always here if you need a chat just pm me .

[SAMBS]

hi shellesbellle, I do understand the pain you are going through now and agree with the other replies posted, there are some really good words of wisdom here to support you.

As you know I've almost lived the last 9 months or so bemoaning my own circumstances on these forums - lived my personal life in public almost, because although I felt I had to leave my husband and had asked we talk to try and reconcile - from day 1 he wasn't interested even when I had my BI 5 weeks after, so like others here have lived alone in a foreign country, with no support from anyone local to me, friends and husband abandoned me because they also could not cope with the effects. Through that I ended up moving twice more to get right away from everything and everyone. At the beginning everyone told me I was a strong person, well yes I have always been, since age of 5. I didn't feel strong last year but, yes I have managed to cope day by day and overcome the obstacles as they arose, still having to do that.

I think we all have a succession of good and then bad days, but every good day does make you feel better, happier, more accepting of circumstances even, than the last good day. You have already shown us you are a strong person who has overcome so much already and still will overcome and succeed in whatever the present and future has in store for you.

BaronC, vimto, vjones and myself have been where you are now and perhaps some others, so we do really understand, and as they and Cat said, please do keep posting, whatever you feel - get it off your chest and mind, its always better out than in and we will all be here to help and support you and even though you are grieving for a love lost, life will get better, you will come to terms with it all.

Your photography is beautiful, also a new episode in your life so welcome and embrace it, as you embrace your children

Shirley xxxx

[SAMBS]

Yes a few us have been in that same place, Michellle, and no its not easy in 1st few days to summon the courage, motivation or whatever other adjective, to pick ourselves up again - we do have to go and get through the grieving period first. Having been in the same place 13 months ago [when I left my husband, although I hadn't really wanted to because I thought we could sort things out we didn't then and after my BI he certainly didn't want to know at all -

Now coming up to 1st anniversary of my BI in March, I know that my BEST SUPPORT emotionally has been all you guys m/f here on Headway, you as well Michelle, I don't know where I'd be now otherwise. So please remember we do understand, we are with you in your grief and despair even, and we are here to help and support you any time you need or want. Was delayed replying again as no internet this week till today. Shirley xxx