hi guys, my dad suffered a tbi 14weeks ago, i just feel really down and need to speak to someone who actually understands how im feeling

my dad is in rehab now and is doing well even though he has a long way to go but im so grateful that he is here, i just feel so stressed and worried about him all the time, im still scared if the phone rings as i always think the worse, dont get me wrong im happy but also feel sad looking at my dad as he isnt the man who left that morning before his fall, it has had a great impact on mine and my childrens lives, i just want to do the best for him as i have lost my mother a few years back so its only me who can be there for him

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  • Hello!

    Unfortunately there is no 'quick fix' in this situation which I am sure you know. Your Dad is in rehab and his progress will seem 'toe by toe'. It is important for you to stay positive and focus on these steps. Be good to yourself and build some quality time for yourself and your children. It is very easy to become single focussed in this situation, which is perfectly understandable.

    xx

  • Hi, I know how you feel, my husband is 10 weeks in now, it seems like a lifetime. My mobile phone goes everywhere with me, even in the bathroom!! & I still jump every time it goes.

    I worry & think about him all the time, has he got visitors, are they feeding him properly, what rehab is he getting!!!.

    That's beside what is the future going to hold & how will we manage.

    It breaks my heart when he asks me to take him home, even though I know he's in the right place.

    It's very easy to let it take over your whole life, but I am taking one day a week for myself now & it really is helping even if it's hard to do.

    Stay strong, your children really need you & it's important to try & keep things as normal as possible for them. My son & daughter in law have a 7 week old baby & I feel bad I'm not able to help them more at the moment, but again I'm trying to make time to be with them cos it helps put things in to perspective.

    Stay strong, I have found this forum so helpful, even if it's only to pour things out, you feel bad about saying to anyone else

    xx

  • Hi Ann, my Dad had a catastrophic bleed over a year ago, we were told he probably wouldn't make it through the night but he did ( bit like your dad, he is a feisty strong bloke) he is however still unable to walk or speak and still has his peg, although he has just started to have soft foods and is devouring his food! It sounds as though your dad is progressing pretty well in quite a short time ( I know it doesn't feel like a short time!)

    I have been through every emotion in the past year and it is normal to feel down. I completely get what you say about the phone ringing and thinking the worst. 8 months before my dad had his bleed, my mum had the same thing, she has made a pretty good recovery, it was bad but not as severe as dads, so now I hate the phone ringing, I have developed an awful dread of it, especially if it is an unknown number, my stomach turns over and my heart starts pounding!

    This is the best place to come if you are feeling down or have any questions. Keep us informed about how your dad is doing too x

  • thanks to all who have replied today seems a better day for me think its because i had a better nights sleeps and tryed to switch off, went to visit my dad today and he actually seemed more like himself he has started to remember things lately which is good as he has been suffering from post traumatic amnesia, he has also started walking with a frame which the hospital he was first in didnt think he would ever walk again as he has weakness in his lower limbs, but today has been more positive for my dad and myself, i will keep u all updated on the progress, im so glad i found this site its so helpful

  • Hi, there: your dad will be able to get stronger each and every day. There is good progress to look for in the next 6 months. My husband had a stroke and after a year he was doing well. He is not the same person, and yet he is. We have adjusted to a new normal and are adjusting to what he can do and what doesn't work. It has been trial and error and each person is affected differently. The important thing is that he knows you are there for him.

  • Hi,

    I'm an Occupational Therapist who has been working with adults who have acquired a brain injury.

    No two people are exactly alike, recovery will be at his own rate and he will probably have some hiccups on the way, this is normal.

    Rehabilitation takes a LNG time, but what I find helps is that initially every day or week write a diary if where he is at that point. Then after a while record his progress monthly, keep doing this and you will be suprised at how much easier it is to see his improvements. Also setting small goals and achieving them can be even more constructive, you say he is in Rehab, ask his OT, PHYSIO, SLT and PSYCH for his current short term goals. These may only be to stay awake for a certain length of time or to be able to walk a certain length with his frame, but he will achieve his goals steadily (more than likely slowly) but he is the one who can achieve his goals, with your support.

    I hope that made sense, good luck in your journey.

    Sally

  • thank u sally, from about 3weeks after his injury i started taking videos and photos of my dad and just looking back on them now he has come such a long way, when he came round after they stopped the sedation he couldnt move at all and slowly he started to move his right side then his left and as of now he is walkin slowly with a frame, its took so long but i think of it as so what he is alive thats the main thing, the only downside is i hate leaving him when i leave but hopefully on monday he can come out of rehab for 3hours so i can take him shopping if the doctor approves

  • Hi annharford,

    Thank you for your post. In this community, I think you have found a place where you can talk to some very knowledgeable people who can share their experiences with you, and the excellent comments above really show this.

    I just wanted to add a little about what Headway offer. We operate a network of groups and branches around the country, many of which can give direct support to family members during the early stages after brain injury. You can search for a local Headway on our website at headway.org.uk/in-your-area... .

    In some cases, carer/family support groups are offered that can give you the chance to speak face-to-face. Contact your local Headway for details.

    We also have a booklet called 'Rehabilitation after brain injury' which gives an overview of the process. I'd be happy to post a copy to you - just send us a private message (click our username then 'Send a message' on the right-hand side) with your name and address and I can post that to you.

    Alternatively, contact our helpline free on 0808 800 2244 or helpline@headway.org.uk for support with all of the above, and a chance to talk things through with our experienced helpline team.

    Best wishes,

    Headway.

  • thanks headway u have already sent me a copy of the booklet, im thankful of yourselves and of this site what a difference it makes

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