still struggling but today is better than yesterday

[shellsbelle]

ive managed to do more with my baby but still feel like theres a big storm over me im so tired depressed arms and hands still dont feel like mine i still shout at everyone and moods up and down like a yoyo the other day i wondered if it would of been better for everyone if the sah would of killed me my feelings at the moment are guilt for the way i am with everyone and how its affecting them :/

[cat3]

I still find it odd that you seem to be struggling at home with two young children after one month. Do you know what grade haemorrhage you had ? Are you alone or do you have help with daily tasks ? I'm repeating myself, I know, but you need some practical help whilst you are feeling so incapacitated and depressed.....and possibly something from your GP to help you through until the 27th.

It would have been devastating for all your family had you not survived the sah and they would have suffered for a long,long time. As it is, you are probably as low as you can go presently, but each day is one day nearer to a solution.......and there will be a solution......and you will have your life back.........and your children will have their mother, who they need.

Please reply and tell me whether you have help. Regards, cat x

[shellsbelle]

yeah i have a civil partner she is off work helping with kids etc but i dont think she is coping too well either especially with my moods being up and down but as for our family's are crap dont help at all think that im fine etc

[cat3]

They think you're fine ? How do you think they would react if they knew how much you're struggling ?

Is it a question of pride maybe ? What about your parents ?

If that isn't an option please phone the Headway helpline and get some support for both you and your partner. There is help out there.....please ask. x

[shellsbelle]

neither of our families show us support we feel really isolated they all think because i have been discharged all is ok but to be honest they were never supportive before all this so i dont know why we expected anything else x

[cat3]

That's awful. If I thought my daughter wasn't coping but was reluctant to ask me for help I would be so hurt. Are your parents not interested in their grandchildren ? Maybe you are estranged for deep seated reasons (not my business). If you really can't get help from them please will you consider contacting Headway helpline and speaking to an advisor in confidence.?

[shellsbelle]

my mum sees my kids now and then her husband had an aneurysm 5 years ago he still suffers now so you think she would understand even if i thought she would support me imnot suire if i would talk to her about how much im struggling as i dont open up often

[cat3]

Well it looks like it's time now to START opening up, o.k. not necessarily with family if your mum's already got her hands full, but with the professional help. Honestly, I've lost count of how many times I've read 'I don't know how I would have coped without Headway'......but I can almost feel your resistance to taking that option.

Am I right in thinking you're quite a proud person who doesn't like others interfering in your life ? Or am I just not going to get any response to my suggestion of help from Headway ?

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

Hope you're sleeping now (12 40am)......maybe speak tomorrow.

[shellsbelle]

no not sleeping i wouldnt say im proud but i guess i dont like to admit im struggling and i dont like burdoning peoplei guess

[shellsbelle]

i even feel guilty unloading on here and going on to you

oh and insomnia sucks

[Kirk5w7 in reply to shellsbelle]

Hi, Janet here please listen to Cat, she talks so much sense and cares so much for everyone, swallow that pride and take all the help offered you, once you are back on track you can manage so much better, my sister and I have discussed my recovery in such depth, it's like bringing up another child, my brain is having to relearn those things damaged in the illness and it takes time , think of how long it takes your children to learn new tasks, they don't all just come back easily with out practice and you need to be kind to yourself, unfortunately once you are discharged there is still a long way to go, seek that help, don't keeP struggling it'll be easier on you and your partner, and don't forget we're here .

[cat3 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Thanks for coming to my rescue,Janet. Hope you're feeling ok today. xx

Yes Michelle, insomnia is a problem for me too, but I've been lying down trying

to get rid of a splitting headache........think it's shifting a little now.

If you feel guilty ,on here, talking about your problems then you're not

understanding the purpose of the site. We are all here for each other, with

whatever problems we need to 'unload' or to support others with their

problems.

I will be in touch next week to see if you've contacted Headway and, yes,

that's a threat ! x

[Pumpkin86]

Please do not think of yourself as a burden. Just because something has happened to you which means you need some help it does not make you a burden. It does not make you a bad person. It is not your fault. Please do ask for help from whoever you feel able to.

My brother (who suffered a head injury, not me) has expressed this exact sentiment to me - that he felt like a burden. Nothing could be further from the truth, and I'm certain that it would not be better for anyone if you hadn't survived your SAH. Such a serious injury can take away so much, but try not to let it take away your own self worth. I know that's easy for me to say but I know how I feel about my brother and I feel sure your children feel the same way about you.

I hope you are able to find the help you need.

[shellsbelle]

thanks everyone btw my name is michelle not janet lol i'll try to build the courage to ring headway monday thanks for the support x

[cat3]

Hellsbells, Michelle I read your original blog wrongly. I thought you said your children were 6 and 13 years. Now I see the youngest is 13 weeks.........no wonder you're struggling !

My post natal depression started around the 3 month point.........now wondering if that could be adding to your depression ?

Speak later. x

[shellsbelle]

lol i read janets post wrong too i thought she was calling me janet thatys another thing i have i cant seem to take things in i personally dont think i have pnd i have been to see a dr and he said its the affects of the sah and to wait to see the neurologist :/

[cat3]

Well I still think you've got your hands full with one thing and another so please stop being so hard on yourself. And regardless of your hospital appointment on 27th, don't forget what you're going to do on Monday !!!!

xx

[shellsbelle]

looooooool yes boss just been out with the family was only for a couple of hours i did struggle but i had a lovely time

[shellsbelle]

i just read your first message should i not still be struggling??or have i read it wrong i dont know if i should be better already im confused lol

[sister12]

Hi shellesbelle, I think cat3 means that she is surprised that you are not having more help, so that you don't have to struggle so much, so soon after your haemorrhage. No-one is expecting you to be better already. My sister is still 'struggling' 18 months after her illness. That is only to be expected. I hope I have got that right and apologise to cat3 for 'poking my nose in'. I want to put shellesbelle's mind at rest as quickly as possible, and hope to take the confusion away from you shellesbelle. Just a little misunderstanding there I think. Please don't be afraid to ask for help from any area that you can. We all need to support each other at these extremely difficult times. I send you love and best wishes and hope that you sleep well tonight.

[cat3 in reply to sister12]

Your nose is very welcome, sister & thankyou. xx

[Lubilu01]

Cat3 defo meant she is surprised you haven't been offered more support especially with having 2 small children to look after on top of your haemorrhage. She is my mum so I can say that's exactly what she meant! It's not easy for anyone,especially if you've got little ones. Take whatever help you can get it must be especially difficult with children, especially so young. Goodness I found it hard enough with my little one without having a brain injury. Take care Michelle, and don't hesitate to share whatever is bothering you, that's what this site is for xx

[shellsbelle]

thankyou im so glad my friend told me to come on this site sorry if im a pain and dont understand things sometimes i feel i have the understanding of a 3 year old it is very frustrating when i was out today i couldnt get my words out and i was asked if i should be out yet iwasnt out on my ownmy partner and kids were with me i dont want to be couped up in the house i need to get out when i physically can as its not always possible as i seam to have more bad days than good i know it wont be forever but it does frustrate me but i do appreciate all the support fromyou guys x

[cat3 in reply to shellsbelle]

So glad you managed to get out today. It'll be good for you so long as you don't overdo things. You've seen what sister and Lubilu have said and they have explained very well what I meant in my first comment. If you were coping o.k. after a month I would suspect you of having had bionic implants fitted.

Anyway, have you noticed how the troops are gathering to get you back on track.........OoooooooooYES. xx

[shellsbelle]

yeh thank you didnt think thissite would help me but i guess i was wrong