Depressed? Perhaps best to give this 1 a miss.

[tulips123]

I dont know which way to turn. I cant get away from the pain of knowing I will never see my lovely husband again (died 19.9.10). There is no way to resolve this, so how can I get any better? After 50 years, I know that heartache/stress of any kind has a direct impact on my physical health. Still waiting for the appointment to have the carpal tunnel op. I'm terrified of the op. terrified it will be too late (maybe already too late) to make any real difference. I'm dreading winter. I'm lucky to have my mobility scooter, but I cant go out when it's icy. If we get another winter like the last few I'm going to get bored, lonely, etc. very fast. My daughter is still living with me. Much as I love her (and I do, so much!) I'm sorry to say I really want to live on my own. Want to live alone, dont want to be lonely. I am too selfish to live with anyone apart from OH. People irritate me. How horrible is that? I spend every day going round and round in my head, trying to work out how to help myself. I'm exhausted. There is no answer. Even worse, I've got so much to be grateful for - doesn't seem to help.

Heaven help me.

[lynnecw]

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's still very early day's to even begin to feel less pain at losing your lovely husband. Although you will never get over losing him it will become easier to live with. You need to get past all the "first's", first christmas, first birthday, first anniversary etc without him and then it should ease a little. I know this is all going to take over a year, but the years go so fast. Is there a bereavement group near by that you can attend ? Ask the funeral director who did your husband's funeral. They may not run one themselves but may know of another that does.

I know what you mean about wanting to live alone, my son lives with me and he has no idea what a struggle my life is and still expects me to do everything for him. At least if I lived alone I would only have myself to look after. I say out loud to myself at least once a day "I just want to live on my own".

Please take care of yourself and don't expect to feel better overnight, just take one day at a time.

Lynne

[Extremelygrumpy]

Hi tulips, I am so sorry for you and I do understand exactly how you feel, I can't imagine being without my OH , he's a few years younger than me so why would I worry... Because he does have mediical problems and very slowly is getting worse...have a son I love to bits but he is autistic so there's no guarantee he will ever leave home much as I would love him to find his special someone one day, and I worry when I am having bad days how I would cope alone with him, and I have days when I think living alone would be easier, less planning worrying, then I know I would be lonely and it makes me feel guilty that I hope my son will fly the nest one day when that's what all parents are supposed to do prepare their children for life and watch as they fly..... Have you had any bereavement counselling or spoken to your gp about this.... I rely on my mobility scooter I am hoping we have a decent winter or I think I will be fitting skis to mine ... I live at the top of a hill.

Hugs VGx

[Hidden]

Dear Tulips, I am so very sorry that you are feeling so low. Depression is all too common with us Fibro sufferers and many folks, like yourself, have other issues on top of this horrid illness to contend with. Have you discussed your fears and worries with your GP? They should be able to put your mind at rest about some of your concerns at least. I have a friend who had the CT op quite recently and she is doing really well now. Try to focus on all of the great things you will be able to do after the surgery that you can't do now rather than focus on the op itself.

I depend so much on my OH and can't begin to imagine how it must be for you. If you haven't had bereavement counseling yet maybe it is something you could also discuss with your GP?

We might only be 'virtual' pals on this forum but come on here to chat whenever you feel really down or lonely as there is usually somebody around who will be feeling the same and will reply to you. Try to stay strong and let us know how things are going for you...even if it is not good news - we are all here for the good and the bad stuff. Jane x

[hamble99b]

You are still grieving tulips, you will miss your lovely husband and are hurting. Ignore anyone who tries to tell you that its been long enough - there is no time limit on grief.

My friend's husband Steve died 2 years ago next week. she has been greatly helped by bereavement counselling, has any been offered for you? We talk about him and she is in a place now where we can remember, smile and laugh at things from over the years. We can also talk about sad thoughts and feelings when she will cry [I often do too].

I know someone who had the op in her late 60's and she was fine, I'm sure you will be too.

I love my scooter - I hadn't thought of adding ski's!

One thing you might think of is making a memory box, I made one after my Mum died in 2007. I've only looked in it twice, but I know it's there when I want to.

sending you a hug, [x]

sandra.

[pinkblossom]

Dearest julips,I realy am sorry to hear of your loss,we all at some time in our lives lost someone special so we do know how you are feeling,we have all suffered from depression whether it be now with our fibro or in the past,there is no time limit on how long you should grieve for someone,you need to take in one step at a time and not let any one push you into moving on,when you are ready then you can open a new chapter in your life,but that doesn't meen to need to forget,i think a memory box that sandra suggested would be a lovely thing to do,I think you need to take that first step and ask for help,i guess in a way you all ready have by speaking to us,we are always here for you,and although you dont believe it now but time realy is a healer.

Lots of gentle hugs

Julie xx

[Ginsing]

My Dear Julips , I am aware of just how much pain you carry with you every day I lost my husband to cancer he was on 48 years old and I was 42. Life stand still doesnt it. There is nothing wrong with grieving allow your self to do so. Cry if you want talk to him he will hear. Every day is a day you step forward and your daughter must be such a marvelous comfort . I am lucky I have a daughter and a son neither are with me any more but I visit them. Take your time hun gentle hugs ((((((((((((())))))))))))gins

[feduplisa]

Gentle Hugs sent your way Tulips, Grief no matter wether it has been weeks or years hurts like mad, I lost my dad 5 1/2 years and then my nan and grandad 2 years and this has sparked the Fibro in me and it hasnt left. People deal with things differently, you must deal with this at your own pace and remember he will always b with you and he would not want you to be in pain, talk to people - and make sure you get as much help as you can for the pain you are in. There are people out there for you and dont give up on getting help for your depression or pain, the rest no one can put a time on when that will heal... xxx

[sue57]

Tulips, the same thing happened to me. My dear Barry passed away 6 years ago and I still miss him every day. He was only 50 and I was 48. You are still grieving, as it should be. Losing your soul mate has to be the worst thing ever. I still talk to Barry as if he was still here, I even argue with him at times!! Nothing anyone says to you will help, we have to learn to get through it ourselves. It never gets better; you get better at dealing with it. I have good friends and family, but all I wanted was Barry. My daughter still lived with me at the time, but of course her relationship with her dad was different to mine with my husband, and we grieved differently. What got us through the early days was talking about him and reading his diaries which went back to 1972. I still have them and when I'm feeling a bit teary I always read them and they do lift me a little. I've had a lot of loss in the last 10 years, first my mum died in 2002, then Barry in 2006 and then my dad in 2011. I have felt very alone since my dad died and have just started to make small steps forward each day, but there have been times when I thought I would never climb out of my black hole. I now live alone and I have accepted that they've gone, but with difficulty. Grieve Tulips, for as long as it takes, but you will come out the other side. XXXXXX