my life: been away for a while

[hagi]

well hello everyone, have a hundred things to say, was reading a few blogs there and nothing seems to have changed since i was last on, played with grandkids today for the first time in ages feel as if i've been had the crap beat out of me, so no sleep tonight. people are still expressing thier fustration at getting their friends to listen, well i had a heart attack, diabeties, fibro, copd as well as other things to many to mention, ha. said to a friend tonight feel as if i've been knocked down by a car, still sort of ignored it and carried on talking, i've come to the conclusion that unless you have it friends will never understand how bloody much pain we all live with, so i just went home ahhh. i'm not going to repeat myself over and over again its not worth what it does to you mentally trying to make people understand, well i was away because some time ago i thought do i want this anymore no was the answer so i tryed to commit suicide but a friend turned up found me bouncing of walls and empty boxes of tablets everywhere, so i then found myself being put into a mental hospital seen the doctors told them what i was going through, gave me a lecture about pulling myself together and having to except the changes that were going on in my life, turns the consultant was a dick didn't really believe in fibro, turns out there were four or five other women there who also had tryed to commit suicide because of the pain and having no one to understand, partners who didnt support them etc. they as well as myself were giving no help the consultant cut there tablets told them to go for walks, i told him in very plain terms he was'nt to lay a finger on my meds, i had women shaking with pain tears rolling down their faces, being told to go for a sleep, try a walk, unbelieveable if you had of seen these people, i ended up sneaking them a few of my hidden stash of tablets to try and help them, but amongst our wee group we found so must comfort just talking, the relief of people who knew without saying words what we each felt, so for people who have a group near them def go to it as its better than any tablet, but the anger i felt at the staff who left these women in this pain, how can so many people from all over the world be feeling the same pain having the same mental probs, with a lot of people being left to get on with alone and in isolation be wrong how can some consultants still not believe in it how can they be consultants if they are that bloody stupid that they cannot see what is in front of there own faces, i walked out, i was offered to go to a place to do gardening and a day centre thing for people with learning diffficulties, i couldnt garden a window box, i don't have learning difficulties, so i thanked them for nothing and left, but i still never gave up, bit of advise wait till your in agony and then go mad on the phone, i rang everyone o.t's social services doctor physio everyone i could think of worked a bit i got a new fence of the housing, new hand rails new walking stick have disability social worker calling shower stool kitchen stool thingy have an appoint with doctor on fri have been told to ask for the community nurse as they can provide a free bed like you can get in hospital that you can adjust for comfort, so people if your friends don't listen leave them behind, find a group near you and shout as loud as you can at these agencies make them help you pester them till they do, we need to be listened to, well bloody hell that was a bit of a rant, sweet hugs to all. hagi xxxxxx

[ziggyinhants]

ty hun you gave mw some ideas to do... ive been going through alot too and havnt been on in months i feel like a recluse..

[hagi in reply to ziggyinhants]

hope your feeling better glad you got a few idea's anyway. x

[hagi in reply to ziggyinhants]

sorry your going through such a hard time of it, such a bad side effect of fibro isolation we are in and through many things like unsupportive friends and family, i forced myself to go out today sat and had a subway, just to feel normal, ha , hope your feeling a bit better now. x

[Hidden]

Hi wot a very brave woman to admit this then take charge of it too and own it.it takes great strengh of character to do wot you did.then stick up for those woman.

So wot will happen to them then?will thry just stay in the unit and waste away?

I would also ring my local paper too and grt this out there.you can stay anomounous?

Hi five you for feeling little postive kerp it up.and the fight.i agree with every word you said.

Please dnt do it again?you have alot to give okay?

X

[hagi in reply to Hidden]

i'll tell you what happened to these woman they are all out of the hospital now, just left to get on with their lifes, probally told to go to there gps. people with fibro seem to be the forgotten people, i've still seen this professional and that one but ended up no better of one person even said although i am in a bad way with these budget cuts they cant help everyone and as i had one friend who helped me they couldnt but i'll still try and fight on, hope your feeling not to bad yourself, x

[Ginsing]

Wow you have been through the ringer glad your home again and that the services are at last begining to help you. Under all the pain you are a very strong character so keep your head up and be pleased with yourself you have a lot to give to the world and you sound a very positive but pain ridden person. I send you more courage and a hug () xgins

[Homer]

Wow wow what a blog!!!!!!' well done you, what else can I say, you keep fighting, maybe you were meant to go in the mental hospital so you can really see what goes on behind closed doors and fight for others

Love nicki xxxx

[hagi in reply to Homer]

niki im actually going to put a few cards in shop windows and see if there is anyone near me who has this and would like to start something, we seem to be the forgotten people, people now being taking of benefits when the goverment now has said that they reconize fibro as a condition, i would love to know how to help people, i hope your feel well yourself and god bless. hagi x

[Hidden]

Hi Haggi

So sorry you felt & tried suicide. I understand you completely 100% about this Consultant & there are many more like them unfortunately. I've had what little pain relief I had loweted until I'm only gonna have my 375mg of Venlafaxine for my depression.

I wish I had your courage to fight like you have & got results. I've been told exercize to fight the pain!

Luv n Hugs

Jac xx

[hagi in reply to Hidden]

deep inside you, you have my courage mine comes and goes somedays i feel so beating down by it all, venlafaxine what is that going to do for you, my heart goes out to you. But i would suggest going back to your doctor and saying what you feel from your heart, when somebody hears words from the heart they usually listen, sit in front of the doctor say what pain your feeling, say about how your life is falling down around you, how you feel defeated and how the pain has taking away your life, if the doctor has a heart they will listen and if they don't change them walk away find another, be brave and i hope your not to bad at the moment xx

[ArctoLindy]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through all that and thank you for writing about it. It gives me a greater understanding of what my Mother must have gone through, she was never diagnosed as having fibro, although for many years now I've been convinced that she did, she died of breast cancer about 25 years ago but spent her whole life being told that the pain she suffered was all in her head. The doctors even told my Grandmother that my Mother was making it all up and of course our Grandmother (who we lived with) told my sister and I the same thing so my Mother had absolutely no support. I'm so grateful that I have an understanding GP and a local circle of fibro friends, I just wish I'd known more sooner - my Mother didn't deserve what the doctors put her through.

I'm so glad that you found the strength to fight and bring comfort to those other women.

Belinda xxx

[hagi]

unfortunelly i had the same experience, i have read that fibro is passed down in families, my mother also spent years running to the doctor being told it was in her head and was being giving vitamins, i seen her suffering so much and didnt understand at the time myself what she was going through as i was young at the time, but i could see what she was going through, they wouldn't tell me the doctors name as i wanted to go and have a word with him, she spent months in bed then it turns out that the fibro masked the fact that she had cancer doctors still didnt listen to her and it turned out by the time they did the cancer was to far gone if they had of been more understanding and found it earlier it could have been sorted out, so the cancer killed her, i am sure that there are many people out there now with fibro that maybe masking other things as i said before i had a heart attack thought the pains in my chest and my arms throbbing with pain was just the fibro, went to hospital myself with pains in the chest recently, was checked out and had a doctor belittle me infront of nurses saying that i didnt have to run to hospital with every little pain i had, so humiliated, said to him if i didnt know in the first place that i had a heart attack how am i supposed to know what pain means what, he wasnt impressed. sorry for what your mother went through i fully understand but please feel no guilt, she wouldnt want you to be beating yourself up about it as she loved you so much and and would have only wanted you to be happy, hope your fibro is not to bad at the moment and you feel abit better about everthing, xx hagi