Decisions

Well I have been laying here for the past 4 hour's in pain listening to the rain and I have decided I'm not going to tell my husband how I feel from now on as earlier tonight he said all I do is moan on about the same thing and all these problems that go with fibro are separate isues an nowt to do with fibo and he doesn't need to research fibo and its symptoms as I keep harping on about the same old things and the reason I don't sleep at night is because I sleep during the day, he knew I had these problems before he asked me to marry him I take he's had enogh I suppose its just a waiting game now till he's had enough of me aswell and walks out the door.

12 Replies

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  • Aww Hunni it's hard my husband used ot do that to me and felt totally lost and lone remember your not alone there a letter I received by email but I need to find the writers name as I can put it up but no one can print it as copy write I have to put that as then I can't get into trouble so will hunt it out and if my body stops hurting so bad I'll put it up tomorrow at some point maybe leave it were he can just pick it up when your not in the room And read it then he will have a better understanding of your pain ect it's hard for people to except you can do things one min and not the next sending hugs as feel u need them right now xx

  • Morning did you rest at all last night? I hope a little. It ishard for our partners to understand when we are screaming in pain (inside) possibly outside about different bits of our bodies. Some days we could write lists of all the bits that do not work properly or hurt so we have to be gentle with them they find living with Fibro hard but remember it is YOU he married and loves not fibro . Gentle hugs are are ithe order of the day :) x gins

  • I am so sorry you are going through that on top of all the pain and everything that goes with it. I really think it is hard for people to understand what it actually feels like, as it is not something they can see and the symptoms can vary so much. Not that I am making an excuse for your husband as it sounds like he is not even trying to understand, but I just think if someone is really important to you you have to find ways of encouraging them to understand. My boyfriend has made comments similar to your husband when he is annoyed saying your always moaning bout pain and you weren't like this when I met you!etc etc and it is very upsetting to hear someone say those things, and I have said to myself as you have that I was not going to tell him any more and just keep it to myself, but I just couldn't do it. When I am totally exhausted in so much pain, tired, upset etc etc the last thing I wanted was to try and pretend it was all ok, just so he didn't feel uncomfortable. So now I try and get him to take an interest and actually he is quite understanding, im not going to say he never gets annoyed about me constantly suffering but we have spoken about it and it turns out the main reason he gets angry or annoyed about it is because he hates seeing me suffer and not being able to do anything about it, and that frustration sometimes comes across and makes me think he is just fed up of listening to me moaning.

    So I would do things like send him links to stuff I had been reading online, articles, especially anything including symptoms. Nothing massive and don't make it seem like you are forcing it on him, I would just send a quick e-mail with little bits of info I had found, sometimes he read it some times he didn't. I would also read bits from this website, if we were sitting watching tele or something and I was on my computer I would read some of the questions I had asked on here and then peoples replies to this, and I think hearing what I have said to people on here surprised him, as it wasn't just about the pain but how upsetting and draining to whole thing is. And I found personally that he reacted really well to stuff like that, obviously everyone is different but I just think that this thing is hard enough without having to try and hide it from the people you love.

    I don't know if any of that will be any help, but I think there will be a lot of people who know exactly what you are going through, I certainly do so try and stay strong and I really hope you find a way to get your husband to understand what you are going through

    xx

  • Hi

    Just thought you sounded like you needed a hug )))))(((((( so one winging its way to you from belfast. I hope you manage to get some decent quality rest and that your pain level becomes more manageable today. Sometimes our loved ones get fed up listening to our expression of pain (they should try living it) they are after all only human, try not to hold this against your hubby (or batter him to death with a frying pan ;-)) and just continue to try to educate him in relation to fibro, theres info available and admin can give you links to sites which mite help make your hubby more sensitive to your needs.

    Take care of you God bless

    Dixie xx

  • Thankyou for the hugs really I need tthem today, istill haven't slept laying in bed now listening to the wind and rain, I like the idea but can't batter him with the frying pan can't lift it even when empty, thankyou again

  • My husband has been with me to most of my medical appointments but it wasn't until He picked up a book that I had left on the coffee table about Fibro that he said ' I didn't realise that you felt as bad as this'! I agree with the comment above that sometimes our other halves feel frustrated that there is little that they can do to help and sometimes that frustration comes out as anger and hurtful comments.

    You are going through a bad patch.I really hope that you are feeling brighter and more positive today but if not, come on here to tell us how you feel. Nobody will be upset by your moaning here as we all know just what it feels like. Virtual hugs to you. Jane x

  • Thankyou all but its no point me leavin books lying around his attitude is can't be bothered with books they take to long to read I'll wait for the film unless its one of those car or bike manuals Haynes I think the are

  • Thankyou all for your kind words he's back fromm shopping so will say ttfn SITHY

  • Let me share with you what it's like from the healthy side of the fence. It takes a lot of courage to watch someone you love suffer day after day. You shoulder burdens that should be shared in an attempt to spare your loved one, stress, emotional pain etc. It's easy to start off with, but over time the emotional strain becomes unbearable and you either end up at the doctors for help, you run away, or you snap and snarl at the person you are trying to protect. Encourage him to share how he feels with you ( yes I know it will be like getting blood out of a stone) and try very hard have some fun together. Does he go out once a week with the lads? And what ever you do do NOT stop communicating. With humour, give and take, patience and love you can work it out. Good luck. And a big hug.

  • Hi sthandra

    It is very difficult for both sides, you because you suffer and want some ine to support and understand you also because its chronic and take each day as comes.

    Your hubby because he no doubedtly loves you!! But it will be tough for hin too to watch, listen and coPe himself with how you are, but end of day before he married you he knew what he was getting into!

    I gave mine enough oppirtunities as when i havd a mood i have a mood swing and i said ya know do not have to carry on with me you have an opportunity to go live life freely without this as you are still young fit and healthy! At 41 and as much as prior to my issues which i did not ask for we had a fab marriage (say no more) but drastic changes and i do not want him to suffer too, so said go he said NO and never let me hear talk like that again and its sickness and in health.

    So now he is stuck with me i guess.

    Have you spoke similar lately ?? I would if you feel uneasy now opening up with problems,

    Physcologicaly if affects anyone as everytime you are struggling you will feel uncomfortable at times.

    If i was ever made to feel this way i would walk and would then make sure no one had the house it would be sold.

    You can not be unhappy though as its enough coping with illness never mind being told you moan about it.

    Huggles to you xxxxxxxxcazzie xxx

  • Some people just don't want to be bothered with illness they think we should all be healthy and that's it. My ex husband was the same with me when I had severe post natal depression,he didn't want to know no matter how many people tried to talk to him,get him to read stuff etc etc. it's a fact of life unfortunately. I've been on my own ten years now and cope much better,better to be alone than with someone who doesn't really care. Sorry if that's harsh but Idont mean to be just being realistic. I would stop talking about the illness for a while and see how he responds.

  • hi sthandra it wasn't til my husband hurt his back that he understood what living in pain all the time was like. I think it is impossible to really understand unless you are going thro it, has he never had the flu ? that at least would explain the total exhaustion , gentle hugs

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