About me

[Fibromum]

I'm a mum of six children, our oldest being 8yr and youngest 1.5yr I'm married to my husband we've been married 8yr in August. I've got chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and IBS. My husband is my carer, as it was too much for me on a good day to get all six children ready and myself to take the oldest 4 to school for me to come home and get my little boy ready for nursery at 1pm, and back to school at 3pm to fetch them all home and then do normal parent things eg making dinner, washing, hearing children read do spellings etc..... I feel such a bad mum, I still hear them read and do homework and spellings, but for them not to have a normal mum is crushing me inside, my husband can't cope anymore I dont think, we had a mass argument a week ago him saying were just in the house doing nothing, being bored, he was really mean and called me "a old biddy of a wife" I'm still hurt from this. he's tired all the time, he's currently in bed and as been since 9:30(I stayed in bed tip 9:00am) had a bad night, I told him to go to bed as it gets me down him lounging around, so at the minute I'm sat with my six children watching puss in boots, I've done the school uniforms and had a little tidy round my lot. It's never ending with six children. I feel so bad towards everyone as family and friends don't understand. I feel my husband doesn't understand deep down, I'm exhausted all the time, I've been told I'm a crap mum, (by my husband) truly hurt inside, why me? I try my best by everyone and it's not right.

I've been diagnosed with fm cfs and IBS since 2007 so it's been a while where I've coped and muddled on with everything, June 2011 I had to get my husband to finish work, it started off as 52hr down to 24hr then 16hr and I eventually couldn't cope at all, I have him help me in the shower, with my hair getting dressed, it's such a awful thing to have I'm only 24 and I feel 54!! My husband is 26 (27in August) so I know it's hard on him as it is me.

My friends try and tell my husband that I'm just severely depressed and should see a doctor imam depressed but it's fm cfs and IBS I put up with. I hate the

Life I live in but my children are my world. my medication is : gabapentin, naproxen, amitryptyline, duloxetine, cocodamol 30/500, tramadol, tramadol modified release.

Sorry about the long post I'm just venting.

Fibromum xXx

[jazher]

Aww fibromum, you vent away.

You sound like you are really struggling, and i dont blame you for feeling like you do.

I am 31 and only have 3 kids and my partner and it is so hard for me, never mind having 6 kids. You deserve a medal.

I too have the guilt feeling of not being the best mam and girlfriend but i am slowly accepting the fact that i am not like evryone else.

My partner shouts mean stuff to me sometimes and i really dont think he means it as i think its just his way of letting his frustrations out, but i know it still hurts. My partner is 34 and has got better as the years go on, so maybe yours will too.

Have you actually accepted the fact that you are ill yet hun?

That is the biggest thing i needed to do and i still try to be this super person i think i should beand i get so ill through trying.

The best thing you need to is pacing and i know it is so hard with kids but you need plenty of rests after everything you do. My house is a tip and its took years for me to accept that i just wont have a lovely house while i have kids to look after but thats the last thing i need to do.

I have cfs/me aswell too and its the fatigue thats the real killer for me.

This site is excellent and i hope you will start to feel that you are not alone with these illnesses and there is always someone on here for advice support and general day to day chitchat and laughs.

I hope things start to get easier soon and stop being so hard on yourself.

hugs, kel xxxx

[chilli50]

Hi fibromum. Im so sorry to hear that you are so down. I can really relate to you hun. I first suspected that i had fm 4 years ago when my mum who has it said she thought i was having a flare and to see my gp. I was officially diagnosed in feb this year. I have full time care of my 2 grandsons as my daughter couldnt be bothered to be a mum any longer. They came to live with me in aug 2008. Around the same time i had surgery and the wounds got infected with a form of mrsa. I had a hole in my stomach that was around 2 inches deep and it needed packing every day for 6 months. I blame myself as it was a tummy tuck and boob job that i didnt really need. I think this is what triggered fm although i suspect i might have had it for 20 years. I was extremely fit and healthy before the op, personal trainer, lifeguard etc but i think that because i was so fit it kept a lot of the symptoms at bay. My partner, who i had only been with for 6 weeks before the op ( three months before i got the kids ) took on the care of all three of us whilst doing split shifts at work. Ill be forgever grateful to him because he prevented the boys going into care (it was me or care and we had less than 24 hour notice before we had them here. I didnt even know there was a problem as me qnd daughter didnt talk). They were 1 and 2 at the time. As time has gone on, he seems to be more and more resentful of the situation and has even said that im a fraud and there is nothing wrong with me a couple of times. He says how sorry he is afterwards and that he only said it to hurt me. By god it worked!! Im 39 but i feel 60, the kids dont listen to me and even laugh in my face (they are under assessment for ADHD although the consultant says they are too young to be officially diagnosed at the moment). My fella has a hell of a lot to cope with and he is getting more and more tired and altho he says he loves me alot, i feel like one day he will decide thats enough and leave. He says this wont happen but deep down i dont believe him. If he does go, i dont know what ill do. I cant manage the kids on my own n that frightens me stupid as they have already been rejected by their parents and it will feel like i have rejected them too ans i NEVER want them to feel that way again. cant even think about it for more than the length of time its taken to write this as it devastates me. I really belive that i couldnt live with myself. I already feel like i let them down so much as i cant take them anywhere, or do much with them, not just bexause of my health but their behaviour. Its not easy chasing them round shops etc when you have fm, something im sure you know!

I think you are bloody amazing! I think i would go crazy if i had so many children to cope with. Even getting the boys ready and doing the school run is almost too much although i manage if i have to. Ive got ultimate respect for you for having 6 children 8 and under! Please please believe that you are an amazing woman ( to put it mildly ) who is bringing these children up to the best of your ability and thats all anybody can ask of themselves. Have heart that altho the fm may not be curable, things will get easier for you. Has your partner actually been into the doctors office with you? Maybe the doc can explain to him how fm affects you. If not, theres a couple of excellent posts on here. One is called " letter to normals" and its fantastic. I gave it to my daughtr to read, after which she told me how sorry she is. Im sorry i cant help with a link or anything, maybe someone else can.

Above all, please dont ever think you are alone, you found this site after all lol. We are all here for you in any way we can be. You can also message me if you ever need to talk. I wish i could be there to hold your hand and tell you everything will be ok. I know thats what i need a lot of the time but knowing there is somebody the always helps. I should be fine as my mum and sis have it but my sis lives in scotland and my mum thinks its a point scoring game and she has to be so much worse!

Love and gentle ((((hugs))))

Chilli xxxx

P.s, ive been reading around this site for a few months but rarely post. I just couldnt leave it with you feeling so low. I hope ive made a difference for you even if its just the tiniest bit. Ill be on and off here all day so message me if you want to talk ok?

[chilli50]

Going to have a lie down now, ive just seen the length of my post lol

Chilli xxxx

[anjie]

I think you are all an inspiration x

It is so hard to get even people as close as partners to understand. My husband and I argue about it a lot too but he is getting better at understanding.

Hats off to you Fibromum for all you do do, and you should be proud of that you do all you can for your children x

(((big hugs))) x

[Fibromum]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm so glad I found this site. X