Strange Night

[cxs957]

I didn't get to sleep til about 4/5am however I spent most of the night talking about everything and anything with my boyfriend which was really nice and he is begging me to stay atm. I don't know what to say or do. He thinks I'm overreacting, and that he is sorry about what he said but he was stressed and didn't mean it. But I am so scared he'll say it again and I want to distance myself until I feel I trust him not to be like that again. He says I'm the least stressful thing in his life but I always feel like I don't do things right around him. There's always something I haven't done. So I just don't know what to say, my stomach feels like it's in knots atm and I just don't know what to do. Its 2 weeks, 5 days until my tribunal and a piece of written work is due. Its 2 weeks, 4 days until I have an exam. Its 1 week and 4 days until a group video is due. Its 1 week and 2 days until a piece of written work is due. I am so unbelievably stressed, its making me so tired! I just wanna go home to parents and not come back to birmingham until the term is over but I can't do that

I have only about 10 tramadol left now, and I don't see the doctor til Thursday. I took 6 yesterday!

Urgh, I can't concentrate on my work, I'm glad I've got you guys and my friends to talk to.

Another problem with my boyfriend is that my closest friend at uni is a guy who liked me a couple of years ago but I stupidly told my boyfriend when we first met and he thinks this guy still likes me, but he's on my year at uni and I spend a lot of time with him as we work together and it really helps me as he knows about my condition and helps me remember certain uni stuff and encourages me to do well. He's one of the people I would be moving in with next year, which again I think will help me, my grades and my condition. But I know that there is nothing between and never will.

But I love my boyfriend move than anything in the world. It hurts not to be around him, I am constantly thinking about him. We've planned our life together...

[AriadneJones]

I'm not surprised you feel so overwhelmed, you have so much going on. When I get like this my thoughts get scattered and I have to stop and centre myself and prioritise. What helps me is to plan my time, it could be a list or even a timetable but what makes the difference is that I can see what needs to be done. It's all still there but I have a plan. You mention how long you have until certain events which shows you have got some structure. We all need it to help us get by.

Night time is when we need to sleep as our bodies get low, it's not a good time to have life changing decisions as we are so vunerable. It's good that you can talk to your boyfriend even if things aren't always good. Try not to think about all of the things that are stressing you out at the same time, you can't solve them all. That's why prioritising helps. Maybe this is not the right time to sort out your friendship with your uni guy, could it wait to be discussed after you've got your work done?

You must speak to your doctor ASAP about your medication, you need to be able to concentrate to help you get through.

Someone trying to help me, asked me how I would eat an elephant. I was a bit taken aback and said that I had no idea and why the hell would I want to eat an elephant. She then said you'd start at the beginning. A bit twee but it made me think!

Sending you mummy hugs and let you know that you're not on your own (((((hugs))))).

[cxs957]

With my uni friend, its the attitude that my boyfriend has towards to him that's the issue - and I worry if I move in with him my boyfriend will become more jealous... But I think moving out right now is what I need to do and I kind of wish I could do it now as he keeps bringing it up and it's stressing me out. It upsets me because when he suggested I moved out I decided I should listen to his opinion and I'd rather over out and save our relationship. Whereas I've now said I'll move out, he just won't accept it.

I have an appointment with my gp on thursday which I see as a positive thing as II usually avoid making appointments with doctors, it brings on a lot of anxiety.

I am very scattered at the moment. I have a piece of lab work due tomorrow and I'm struggling to concentrate on it, thankfully I'm at my friends and we're both doing work and he keeps asking me what I'm doing lol. We're popping out in abit which will be nice as my legs are killing me and need a stretch.

Thank you your reply, it made me smile Its nice to know I'm not on my own, as I can't speak to my parents about most of this atm as I don't wanna them to know until its definite.

[Hidden]

Please calm yourself down you are not doing yourself any good stressing like this you really are not, now take a deep breath and take one thing at a time. its nice you had a really good heart to heart and he has apologised and yes we all get stressed and take it out on those who are closest to us, you say you love him which is good and by the sounds of things looking from the outside i think he really does love you too, which again is half the battle, as for the bloke at uni well i am afraid thats a trust issue and thats his problem to deal with not yours to worry about, if he loves and trusts you then that should be good enough for him that you are friends and thats it, i am sure he has opposite sex friends we all do. Now for all the things going on or should i say coming up first get them in order and (sorry cant remeber which was 1st to last ) fibro fog lol , but whatever exam or appointment is first then get all the paperwork or things you need for that and deal with that 1st totally concentrate on that, and so on and so on and before you know it they will all be over and done with , now you have to make up your mind if you want the support and help of your partner whilst you are going through all these things or wether you want a break and get back on track when they are all over with ? personally i think you prob want him with you thats jus my opinion s outsider looking in . I am sure now that this little blip has happened you can both get on track and be happy and he sounds like he really does want to support you through all this. I suggest you call your doctor asap like 8 am mon morning and explain your oversight of not enough tablets (and if they are like mine) they will prob issue you an early prescription or at least a emergency packet its worth the call. Now i think you should go have a nice relaxing bath, let your other half cook you a meal or order in(depend what his cooking is like) and get your p.j s on and totally chill out and claer your mind and i am sure you will do well in all your forthcoming exams, you take care lots of love and soft hugs Diddle Xxxxxx

[cxs957]

Thank you Diddle. I am a worrier which doesn't help me at all. My mum is ill (She has COPD and dangerously high blood pressure) and my brother disappeared and doesn't wish to have any contac with the family 5 years ago and I am constantly worrying. But you are right, I need to priotise. My friends and I are having a roast dinner with pork this afternoon which will be nice. My boyfriend is a chef so is rarely home in the evening. Another reason I feel I might benefit from moving out is that my friends will be around to help me when he can't because he works alot and will be working even more when he opens the restaurant. I've said to him could he please accept my decision and he just isn't, he says he will fight for me to stay with him. But I feel the more he fights, the more he's pushing me away. I'm so glad I have this forum to talk about everything and just spill my thoughts on to a page.