Pregnancy & caring for you children

[RWilliamson]

Hello fellow warriors! I was wondering if anyone has been through pregnancy with fibromyalgia? I have a 3 year old which is already a huge challenge at times with my symptoms. I would really like to have another child once I've been to pain clinic etc and wondered if anyone has been through a pregnancy with fibro? Were you given any support or just told to stop your meds and get on with it 😂

[Cat00]

I had two children with fibro. It was hell, I have a lot other conditions too though. But what choice do we have? I knew it would be bad but I really wanted kids so that's choice I made, I've never regretted it. I figure I feel like crap anyway, my illness has taken my career, my social life and to a certain extent all my dreams I don't want it to take my family too.

[RWilliamson in reply to Cat00]

How were your pregnancies/labors? Fibro really is a life changer sorry it's taken away alot from you life, I hope your kids help make up for it (even when they are really annoying.. Speaking from experience 😂)

[Cat00 in reply to RWilliamson]

Yes they were fighting 2 minutes ago and now the bigger one is bandaging the smaller one and they are all happy again. Everyday they seem miraculous to me and way more important that all the other stuff I've lost. I can't believe I managed to make them out of my crap body!

Both pregnancies were hard but I have other conditions. I have chronic migraines and they got worse. I had to come off my meds, so pain levels increased. Plus I could only sleep in 40 minutes bursts bc of pain in my bladder. I was also an old mum. We kept delaying having children in the hope my health might improve. When it became clear it wasn't going to get better we decided to just go for it. So I was 38 for my first and 41 for my 2nd.

I was terrified of labour/birth bc I don't respond to pain killers. I was given morphine for my first pregnancy but it had no effect on me so I stopped taking it. My labour went on for 3 days in the end, stopping and starting and eventually they induced me and gave an epidural. The epidural was bliss. There were problems with my after care that they made me make an official complaint about but that was particular to that hospital at that time, so nothing to do with illness etc.

Second pregnancy was harder to be honest but I'd had to 2 misscarriages inbetween so knew I was lucky that I was successfully carrying a child. Plus having a 3 year old to look after at the same time is exhausting. I had an epidural again as I wasn't coping with the pain at all, but they knew my history so were better prepared. One of the most annoying things is that none of the midwives understood that chronic pain lowers your pain thresholds not makes it higher. They don't seem to have much understanding of pain.

[KimiJay in reply to Cat00]

Well done you! - I also didn't know that chronic pain lowers the pain threshold. Interesting and helpful!

[Cat00 in reply to KimiJay]

Yup all those overstimulated pain pathways get very good at gathering more pain data and trying to get our attention. I have chronic migraines and bc of this I can only take painkillers 8 days a month or I get rebound/medication overuse headaches. This is thought to be bc the painkillers use the same pain pathways our senses use and they just become overstimulated, thus more pain.

I read what you said below about 3 year gap btn kids. We have just over a 3 year gap and our kids get on very well and certainly much better than all my friends kids that are only a year apart so maybe there's some truth in that!

[KimiJay in reply to Cat00]

Not fair is it! If it is any encouragement, the worst of my migraine pain has pretty much gone now with growing age. As long as I stay off the biggest triggers like yeast, most meat and salmon, most cheese, bananas and gluten, I don't really suffer like crazy any more. Brain fog and confusion have taken it's place! - It all changed when I was having to drive down to Cornwall a lot to empty my mother's bungalow after she died. I HAD to ask my GP for Immigran. I found it a good effective drug that made a significant improvement to my life. - Enjoy your kids growing up.

[Cat00 in reply to KimiJay]

Ahh I don't appear to have food triggers it's all stress and sleep for me. My neurologist said I may improve after menopause so fingers crossed! Don't suppose many people look forward to the menopause but that's how strange life can be!

[KimiJay]

Whether by design or not, many developmental psychs think it is a really good thing anyway to have a three year gap between children as the oldest gets the chance to mature and begin a life outside the family. So you've got that one sorted already. (That way it doesn't feel pushed out when a new baby comes along and the baby is less likely to experience sibling aggression). If you have another child, it will always know it was wanted. - Will you cope? It really depends on the child and what support you have around you. No pregnancy is ever the same. You may weep and crawl your way through it and the sleepless nights, but I don't think you will ever regret it in the long term. - If you can find a traditionally trained acupuncturist experienced in pregnancy and childbirth like mine is, (though not for me now I'm seventy five lol) it can be helpful to get you through it. It would be a bit like having a doula. I had chiropractic with all three of mine. That helped a huge amount, although I didn't know about fibro then. There were times though when I wondered how others seemed to have more energy than me but kept dismissing the idea of cfs as I used to run and walk and do yoga. I had my last child at forty one and started perimenopause about four years later. That was a weird place to be! Hormones! Huh! They're a lot to moan about whether you have fibro or not. Post script ... My middle daughter in law asked her eldest if she wanted a sister or brother. Didn't for a bit, then did. Two girlies aged three and eight now. Oldest a brilliant playmate, teacher and reader of books. They get on well and youngest knows how to get her needs met in civilised ways! You can still take your time deciding.

[RWilliamson in reply to KimiJay]

Thanks for all the advice, acupuncture is a great idea! My 3 year old still doesn't sleep through so I definitely need to get that sorted first. When did you finally get your diagnosis? X

[KimiJay in reply to RWilliamson]

It was 2012 and I attended a rheumatology clinic at the Churchill in Oxford. The specialist who saw me there went through all the sore points and I reacted to all of them. She was professional and highly competent I thought. I tried the amitryptyline my doctor prescribed because my daughter in law who has cfs said you have to persist but after persisting, I decided I couldn't spend my life half asleep. That was a turning point though, to have it diagnosed as you think you have all kinds of things wrong with you and that was really unnerving. Mostly, have managed with alternative stuff ever since. - My other daughter in law's 3 year old doesn't sleep through either but I think nursery school tires her out a bit. Maybe when she can spend more hours there she might sleep better.- One useful thing happened when I had my first child in Canada. Because I was an immigrant mother with no one else to help my doctor said to get a teenager to come in to be in the flat with him for a couple of hours a week to play with my son so I could go out. The young woman I found was doing her school grades by correspondence. She was fit, had great ideas and a great sense of humour and appreciated his.