Fibro and work

Hi, I’ve been struggling at work so much recently. I work with kids and it really takes it’s tole. They asked me to do more hours and I did extra hours Monday and I’ve had to spend the rest of the week recovering. I don’t know how much longer I can keep working. It’s affecting my physical health which is severely affecting my mental health. I feel burnt out like I have nothing left to give. I want to give it up and rest but I feel so guilty and ashamed that I am not able to work like a normal person.

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee]

what work are you doing with the kids?

you may want to look at our employment books from fmauk.org/publications

[Hidden in reply to desquinn]

I’m with SEN kids, thank you for the link I’ll have a look

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee in reply to Hidden]

is it SEN in school or OOSC / nursery ? On a separate note our young persons booklet has some SENCO resources for helping younger people traverse school and you may have an interesting perspective on it?

[Hidden in reply to desquinn]

It’s SEN in a primary school, I love the job but the noise and everything the job entails is a lot to handle

[desquinn Partner Volunteer FMAUK Trustee in reply to Hidden]

does mean its more organised than the other settings and council? so there should be more of a structure to lend support than a private nursery for example. have a look through the booklet and see what you have tried or could try. You should have options.

Also think about what pain management etc you are on as improving that may help with work.

[Liseeloo12]

Good evening lion47Please dont feel ashamed, I'm in the exsact same position as urself..

Iv been struggling with fm for 2yrs now,

Iv been in and out of my job like a yoyo..

Iv had the same job for 15yrs and never had a day off since this happend to me..

I like urself felt ashamed and embarrassed that I was letting everyone down..but I was working harder to compensate and prove I was still able, but ended up worse...

I made the decision then that my health and my wellbeing had to come first,

As much as I hate to admit it, it was the step I needed to take to concentrate on trying to control this..

I myself have been struggling to come to terms with this ilness, I feel like my life has been taken away, physically, mentally and definitely emotionally...

I just want you to know, that takeing leave was the best dession I made to take time out and concentrate on me..

I felt every emotion your feeling now, but I can assure you, it's the last thought on my mind now, I just found the thought of it was makeing me worse, so I'm taking time out for now..

Please dont feel alone, I found this site so helpful to me, and I'm always happy to chat.

Best wishes.

[Hidden in reply to Liseeloo12]

Thank you so much for your reply! It makes me feel less alone! How do you feel now that you have taken time out for yourself? I really don’t think I can handle going back but I feel like I’m letting my team down x

[Liseeloo12 in reply to Hidden]

Hey, ur so welcome...I felt exactly the same as you..and I struggled for over a year because I didn't want to let them down, I pushed and pushed myself and eventually I broke, I was in a real state. Not only physically but emotionally, If I'm completely honest i pushed on because I didn't want to be failure or to be the talk of the work place...

I didn't want to admit to myself or anyone else that I was struggling..

It's got to be the worst feeling in the world, and I 100% know exactly how your feeling...

Iv been off work now since September last year, and it was the best dession Iv made, along with my doctor constantly telling me i need to listen to my body, and its telling me to stop...

Iv been able to concentrate on me...

Admittedly I'm still struggling comeing to terms with the fibromyalgia, i feel like it's a weight been lifted,

The stress of worrying about work and others was causing me to have flares, which at the time I didn't relise stress plays a massive part with haveing fm.

I haven't got the worry, if I cant get out of bed in the morning it's fine...

If i cant shower for 2days it's fine,

Even if i cant walk the Hoover round for 1day it's fine..

The symptoms I have will never go away but its giving me the time I need to come to terms with haveing fm..

I promise you, u are important and your definitely not alone, take the time and dont worry about others.. ur more Important xx

[Hidden in reply to Liseeloo12]

I’ve pushed and pushed from fear of letting people down too!

People can’t begin to understand what you’re going through which makes it so much harder to admit you’re struggling!

I’m glad you’ve started to feel better since letting go of work!

I can relate to that! The stress of this work is leaving me in a constant flare on top of everything else!

Thank you so much for your comment, it’s really does mean a lot!

If you ever want to chat feel free to message me x

[Sian10]

Hiya it happened to me I worked as as a community carer and I ended up doing extra hours when the pandemic hit and then I was really ill and was off work it’s as if my body said right that’s it enough is enough , I have now been medically dismissed, all I can advise to you is take some time out rest , you need to look after your self don’t worry about work hope this helps if you want to chat your more than welcome take care x

[Hidden in reply to Sian10]

Do you feel better now you are away from work? Or better than you did while working? X

[Sian10]

Better now I’m not working I’m still coming to terms with my fibro as it’s just crippled me and finding things that work today I started high dose of vitamin d as mine is so low so hopefully I won’t feel so bad soon x

[Hidden in reply to Sian10]

It’s very har to come to terms with! I still haven’t fully accepted it either. It’s so hard, give me a message if you ever need someone to chat to x

[Sian10]

Will do same goes for you x

[dippystuff]

It's really hard to admit to yourself that you cannot continue doing your job at work, and it's even harder to admit it to others at work.I was in your position 3 years ago, and one day I just broke. I was at work and simply couldn't continue for a minute longer (I was a staff nurse), so I asked to see my manager in his office and simply said ''I'm unwell, I'm very unwell, and I need to tell you that I am unsafe to work at the moment. I need to go home, and I don't know when, or if, I will be back. Occupational health are aware of some of my problems, but I am currently awaiting an appointment with a neurologist to have investigations and hopefully have a formal diagnosis.''

To say he was confused was an understatement ! I had to keep repeating ''I cannot continue to work as a nurse at the moment as I feel I am unsafe.'' He kept asking me stupid questions like ''but you'll finish your shift, won't you ?'' erm........No. Or ''You'll be back for your shifts next week though, won't you ?'' Ermmm..............bloody unlikely !!

In the end, I had an ''emergency'' appointment with Occ Health (where I couldn't stop crying due to the pain and the stress) who said to my manager that I was absolutely NOT fit for work, and signed me off for a month initially.

After the month, I tried to return to work, but in an administrative role rather than a clinical one, with drastically reduced hours, no night shifts, short shifts of 6 hrs etc. I managed this for around 3 months before my manager said that if I couldn't resume my clinical role, I'd have to be put on the re-deployment register ( which is where staff who have 'lost' their role due to ill health or restructuring, can apply for NHS jobs and basically be guaranteed an interview, and if you can fulfill the role, they have to give you the job. However it only lasts for 6 months, so if you don't find something within 6 months they dismiss you). I just thought ''OK, that's it, they're simply 'going through the motions' to get rid of me now'', but I decided to continue to do what work I could and to see what else I might be able to do.

I was lucky to have a very supportive Band 8 Manager (above my manager) who found temporary contracts for me in departments (eg. maternity cover which was no longer advertised due to lack of applicants) with lighter workloads and no 12.5hr shifts or night shifts. She did this as she'' didn't want to lose a good nurse, who obviously wanted to work, and took the job as seriously as I did, who just happened to develop a health condition which made 12.5hr shifts and night rotation impossible. ''So I ended up being able to continue to work as a nurse, just in different departments (with adjustments like short shifts and requiring a day off after 2 consecutive shifts etc). This lasted for 3 years in total, in different departments,(each time I got a temporary post, my name came off the redeployment list for the duration of the contract) until I applied for, and got, a permanent contract as an immunisation nurse in a totally different branch of NHS.

I was so glad I persisted (even though I felt that I was just 'working my notice the long way' at times, and that I had the worry of my contracts only ever being for a few months, with no sign of anything permanent in sight), because eventually, I found a job I could physically do. I suppose I just wasn't ready to retire, and nor did I think I would feel any better at home with nothing to occupy my mind. I also worried that I might lose what mobility I have if I stopped getting up and going to work every day, (even though it takes a lot of medication to ensure that I can carry on).

I can now continue to work, with no adjustments required, as the job is Mon-Fri, 7.5hr shifts, doing very light work (physically). I would also be able to reduce my working hours if I wanted/needed to do so, so I've got some flexibility.

Try to remember, just because you cannot continue as you have been at work, it doesn't necessarily mean you need to stop working at all. You might be able to move jobs or work different days/ hours. With all the working from home some people have been doing due to Covid, you might find a way to maybe work from home part-time ? i.e work from home every Mon and Fri, work in office every Tues and Thurs and have every Wed off ?

I'd encourage you to ask your employer whether something could be worked out, if you still wanted to work. Obviously, if you feel you are no longer able to do any work at all, that's perfectly fine too as only you know how you feel and what makes your symptoms worse etc.