Radio & TV quiz answers - Today's humour

[Maladjusted]

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant: Homosexuals.

Paxman:No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL(BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:Geography isn't my strong point.

Theakston:There's a clue in the title.

Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:I don't know.

White:I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:Arm.

White:Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:Strong.

White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant: Louis.

White:Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW(BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski:What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant: France

Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:Just guess a country then.

Contestant:Paris .

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:- Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what:- Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITYCHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )

Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The .?

Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOODSHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )

Phil:What's 11 squared?

Contestant:I don't know.

Phil:I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY Show

Q:Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

A:Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:Er .

Leslie:He makes bread .

Contestant:Er . ..

Leslie:He makes cakes .

Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant: Barcelona

Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY(BBC1)

Question: What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM(PRESTON)

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.

Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGESTGAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIENSHOW (LBC)

O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... er...

.. er... three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW(BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller: Japan

Searle:I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:Er .. Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT(BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant(after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant: Holland ?

Denham:Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:Iceland ? Ireland ?

Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW(BBC GMR)

Wood:What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:Er . .. .

Wood:It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .

Contestant:Blimey?

Wood:Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .

Contestant: (Silence)

Wood:OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant:Walked?

THEVAULT

Melanie Sykes:What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW(BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant: Jewish.

Presenter:That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?

Contestant: Jesus.

[Tannels]

Brilliant, this really made me laugh. Excellent!!!

Tannels x

[Angeldancea812]

I like the last one. I can really imagine Jesus doing that!

[Maladjusted in reply to Angeldancea812]

That's some imagination you have Angel, now you have me giggling,

Em x

[Hidden]

Ha Ha ..I have tears spilling down my face from laughing! The last one still has me laughing still

[hamble99b]

excellent!

people say the strangest things under pressure

there was a man on Family Fortunes who answered "turkey" to every question in the final round.

another who was asked "we asked 100 people to name something blue" he replied "Is it my wife's cardi?"

[JSue]

Too funny!! Thanks for posting. I needed a good laugh xx

[sue32]

Oh! They're soooo funny!! Thank goodness for these people!! They really give us a good laugh!! XX

[nanaanna]

Just what I needed 2 cheer me up xx

[Matrix]

Fantastic I always knew I was a genius ,I mean come on really people .Thanks for belly laugh I really needed this today as I have been feeling down .Just read them out to my hub we both chuckled xx