Dealing with Friends & Family

At the Fertility Show we asked for input in to helping to put together an updated Dealing With Friends & Families factsheet. The current one can be viewed here... infertilitynetworkuk.com/?i...

I have collated and added some of the feedback received so far below. You can view the presentation from the Fertility Show by accessing the link on our forums here: goo.gl/qwx6g

Please do add comments wherever you choose - registration if free for both our HealthUnlocked site and the forums.

"I just wanted to say how nice it was to meet you on Friday and how inspirational and helpful the talk on 'dealing with family and friends' was.

I took my mum along with me and we haven't got the closest relationship. I think that she struggles to relate to me and understand my feelings, and she usually says the wrong thing.

Seeing so many other young women at the event and seeing how emotional everyone was getting about it was an eye-opener not only for her but also for me as I thought that I was in a minority for my age and have struggled with various feelings,from guilt to anger to pure devastation but now I don't feel like I am so different any more.

Hearing other peoples' stories was the best part of the entire fertility show for me and I would happily have gone along just for what I got from that one talk. Being able to voice our feelings, frustrations and experiences was just what I needed. Thank you to all of the ladies who contributed to the talk and for your honesty.

You'll never know what you have done for me and I just wish I had given you all a big cuddle afterwards.Lots of love and luck to you all."

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Experiences shared...

- insensitive remarks:

A colleague's first response when I told her I was undergoing IVF was "my friend had that done and it didn't work"

My nan regularly says don't think about it and it will happen naturally. You don't need ivf (actually I do, due to medical problems!) The worst one though I find is "It will work". Even if I hear this from a doctor there is no guarantee so why say it. I am trying to face up to the reality of it and don't want to feel like I'm being a drama queen!

- insensitive actions

Earlier this year I worked with 2 pregnant girls on the team who talked all day non stop about their pregnancy. One evening I took them aside individually and told them my situation and said that although I was very excited for them I was finding it hard to listen to so much - nothing changed and if anything the baby talk got worse!

After my first cycle of ivf didn't work, girls at work were showing baby photos around the team but seemed to deliberately avoid showing me which highlighted it even more I find it hard to hear that someone is pregnant but would much rather know sooner rather than later, however when I haven't spoken to my mum for a little while she can reel of a list of people who are pregnant and that makes me feel like there's something wrong with me because it's not working for me

Who to tell/work colleagues

You asked about telling work colleagues. I have talked to my colleague who sists next to me about the treatment and have given her permission to speak on my behalf. When it didn't work I called her the night before work and she told everyone for me so that I didn't have to.

I am (was) a very private person but decided to tell my (male) boss that I was having IVF - he was fantasic and very accomodating and it made it much easier to ask for late notice leave/coming in late/leaving early etc. I'm glad everyone knows as when I'm quiet they don't just think I'm being moody!