not a good day

[Cassie_56]

Hey, just using this an outlet, not having a good day but no real reason. I’m on down reg and scan got cancelled due to not having a period, then period started, then had to go to work and couldnt make it through the door so popped home to regroup and try again. It all just feels too overwhelming and I feel so anxious and panicky. It’s exhausting worrying about what to do and what others think and having to explain yourself even knowing that it doesn’t help because people don’t actually understand even if they try. Just feel so sad

[GranolaHippo]

Hey friend,

So sorry to hear the above -it's so hard, isn't it?

Just wanted to say almost the exact same thing happened to me last week -downreg, late period etc, panicky, really upset (also coincided with my 40th birthday... vom!).

Anyway, what I wanted to say (and please don't hear this as being dismissive) is that those hormones are absolute fooky fookers. Don't underestimate the impact they are having. I've never had downreg for stims before, only FET, and the impact is so much more.

I hoped it might improve when I started stims and it did, bang on day 5. My consultant just said this morning 'that's the power of oestrogen for you!'. And, honestly, yesterday and today I feel great -brain fog gone, panic gone, sadness gone (rage still there, but that's being a woman in these times/in IVF for you). And I felt dangerously low last week

So hang on in there. Be super, super kind to yourself (sounds like you did exactly teh right thing by coming home). Have a tea/coffee/decaf, if you will (consultant said on Monday that I could go for it with coffee during stims, just no more than 2... I've stuck with decaf, but just to pass on).

It's really, really hard with larger swings or hormones than usual and none of the things that could make a person feel better (chocolate, wine, coffee, night out, exercise, a sh*g....) on the cards. It's tough today and might be tough tomorrow too, but a few days into stims and you will feel (emotionally) better.

Sending you a big hug and a massive cup of real tea (you can hold it over to the other side, if you prefer). Take care of you. xxx

[Cassie_56 in reply to GranolaHippo]

Thank you so much for your response, it really helped to have some perspective especially with you having gone through it recently. After I offloaded on here I spoke to my long time friend who has been through this herself too and she also gave similar advice especially about the hormones! Definitely makes me feel better knowing I’m not just losing the plot and there are reasons for it! (Which I knew at the time but it just completely overwhelmed me earlier)

Thanks so much! Hope your next phase goes well for you x

[GranolaHippo in reply to Cassie_56]

The overwhelm is real! I basically begged my consultant to let me have a decaf coffee. I just needed *something* that was me and normal and like 5mins of peace in a day because everythingfelt so awful and doomed. I basically sobbed at her when she was like "have a really one, hell, have 2!".

And yet, today, totally feel like myself again (and it's not just that I had a decaf latte after my scan!).

It's really, the overwhelmed, but it is because of being medicated (in an already stressful time) and it is transient. But none of that feels true when you're in the eye of that storm.

Should be scanned and on stims and feeling better soon. Really glad you had a friend to chat it through with too, makes all the difference.xx

[Swimming87]

It's so hard isn't? I also worry so much about having to explain but not always I feel like i actually need/have to. Do what you feel comfortable. Most people I opened up to about fertility journey ended up pissing me off really wit their comments. So I only share with few chosen that can actually support me. The rest, who cares? You don't own anyone any explanation. It sounds like you need few days to reconnect with yourself and take care of yourself. Find a space that can sooth you and give yourself time. It's hard but this is just one phase of your life and it will pass. Xx sending you a big hug,, not sure if this helps, just wanted to tell you you're not alone!

[Cassie_56 in reply to Swimming87]

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it and helps having perspective. I have explained to only a few people but a wider group of people know just because I was worried about seeming like the one dropping the ball without a reason. I made it back to work eventually and managed to survive. I’m a teacher/SENCO and the thought of having to interact with others and solve everyone’s issues just felt too much! But Easter holidays next week so definitely will have some time to relax! Thank you x

[Swimming87]

Have a restful break you deserve it!

[Endofitall]

I just wanted to say I hear you! Maybe look at some time off work/get signed off if you can. Look after yourself, no one else will xx