What a week! Not in a good way...

[Babytalk]

Hello,

I've had a terrible week:

1) 5 days late for period - hopes got raised but then dashed. My period is normally so regular that feel that's even let me down now! So cruel.

2) best friend is pregnant - happy for her but ended up causing me to have a complete under the duvet melt down!

3) Sisters with children have not been supportive, even saying to my parents "she's in a mood" - hello yes it's called having a really hard time with infertility! I'm so angry, they really haven't been supportive at all and now this.

Having feelings of; why us, what's wrong with me, give me a break! Should I let my husband go and find someone else (we don't actually know what the issue is - but I'm in complete self hatred mode) Why is it all so hard...?

We've been trying for 3 years had one unsuccessful ivf round and I'm nearly 36 (as is husband). Going for another private round but I'm exhausted with it all!

Sorry but even writing it down has helped!

Any advice of how to keep myself going would be appreciated!

[Leesalou]

Sorry to hear you going through a rubbish time,

Big hugs 🤗

It's such a horrible place to be in really is some days are worst than others,

Xx

[Babytalk in reply to Leesalou]

Thanks Leesalou. I'm just trying to find the energy and resilience to keep going. But what else can we do?! Need more coping strategies I think.

[E_05]

Sorry you've had such a tough week, AF always seems to play tricks on us when we need it the least. Could you speak to your friend and family just to explain that your struggling a little at the moment? Try to take each day as it comes, one day you might be feeling really negative and the next things been seem a little brighter.

When we first found out my problems I always use to say to my husband go and find a women who can 'give him children without hassle' of course he told me how stupid I was being and I realise that now to. This journey has made us so strong and I wouldn't face it with anyone than him xx

[abcgirl]

I know the feeling and feel for you. I had a similar week back in June - I was nearing 34, coming up on 2 years of trying without a single BFP, just got AF when a friend announced she was pregnant with her second (1st & 2nd in the same time we've Been trying for our first) and i was due to go home for holidays to face a group of friends who all have children... I was a mess. I was crying uncontrollably for days.

I saw a counsellor and she took me through some mindfulness exercises where she guided me through feeling all the feelings, identifying them and just being present with it. Overall In this entire journey I've felt the most sane when practicing mindfulness and gratitude daily. It's so hard to find gratitude in the darkest hour but as cheesy as it sounds it does help.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

Hi Babytalk. Well, you've come to right place to say your piece. I'm sure most of the ladies here will recognise what sort of a week you've had, and the others too will support you throughout, oh, and yes, it's good to write it down. It might be an idea to seek some support from other sources too. You can access information about Support Groups in your area by going to our website fertilitynetworkuk.org and click on “How can we help you” – “For those trying to become parents” – support – fertility groups – England – then select the area you are looking for.

There is always the opportunity of counselling which should be available at your clinic/hospital or through your GP. A charity called the “British Infertility Counselling Association” can also be accessed at bica.net this is not a free service, but they are all specially qualified in counselling people with fertility issues. Hope this helps, and I shall be thinking of you. Diane

[Hidden]

I've also had the self hatred and thoughts of my husband being better off without me. He thinks I'm crazy for thinking this and although he doesn't express himself in the same way I do, he's told me everyday how brave he thinks I am. I'm sure your husband will want to support you and take care of you, too 💙

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

PS - this place has been amazing to help me realise I'm not the only one and I've kept a diary. I've enjoyed writing my thoughts down, it's quite therapeutic! 💙

[Babytalk]

Thanks everyone, it's so good to hear I'm not alone with these thoughts and feelings. It really is pretty hard, and other people don't know what to do with the vulnerability. Including me, I don't know what to do either! Thanks for all your tips - I will take them up. I also need to think about general resilience too like exercise and good food - I've been in a bit of a spiral and need to help myself out of it. It really is hard to keep going but with support and putting myself into the best position I think we all can get through this. However - "why US?!" 😀

[Hopeful28]

Absolutely know how it feels. I get annoyed at myself for feeling low as normally look at the positives but hubby tells me it's ok to feel like that. But I still put on a front. It's a tough journey and I would say brought us even closer. But we both have issues so never thought about him being better off without me.

I just think unless you've been or going through it then you don't understand. A friend said to me recently "how what have you been through". Eh 3.5 yrs of trying, 3 attempts of ICSI, one pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage at 13 weeks on my wedding anniversary. Is that not enough?

But we pick ourselves up and we get on with it cause it's all we can do. It's one big slow emotional rollercoaster.

I'm like you. Really find it helpful just to write it down. Bit of a release.

[Babytalk]

You know, there's a numbers of things that keep being said here which has amazed me and made me feel hopeful, and not having a baby hopeful but more a sense that the human spirit is amazing, hopeful.

I went for a run tonight - it helped!