Today is a rough one, 2nd embryo transfer didn't work so now waiting for 3rd transfer I'm on nhs so be around 3 months wait. I broke down today just the weight of it all felt too much 😪 the waiting is killing me I just want to be a mum so badly and it feels so far out of reach right now, my heart feels so broken 💔 right now it feels like it'll never work I really don't know how to carry on, I know I have to and this is the reality of it all but right now it just feels so hopeless I feel like the last few years has just been at a standstill of waiting mixed with hope then always disappointment 😞 I really don't know how to keep picking myself up and pretending I'm okay at work and around friends and family when inside I'm so heartbroken - sorry just needed to write down my feelings and get them out it's a rough day today hoping there's some brighter ones ahead sending love to anyone who feels in the same position right now 💔 😢
Feeling hopeless today : Today is a... - Fertility Network UK
Feeling hopeless today
It can be a long hard journey but remember you are not alone Be sure to have taken advantage of the counselling appointments you should be offered while on treatment Hope you have people around you for support For extra support please take a look at our website fertlitynetworkuk.org Access Support
Thinking of you
Janet-Partner
Oh love,
I 100% remember these feelings - especially with all the waiting - I felt restless and desperate. What I found really helpful for me was reading and researching in to what might help it be successful next time. Making a list / changing diet / supplements etc - anything I could do to feel like I had a little more control.
Also try and do some nice things for you - I found IVF just took over everything and I felt a bit lost. Take some time to have a nice walk, or a dinner out or whatever your jam is.
When the time comes for your next round, will you have another egg collection or will it be a transfer? xx
Thank you❤️ yeah I definitely feel it's taken over my life at this point, it's all I think about I'm finding it so hard to concentrate at work or be involved with anything outside ivf, we have 1 frozen embryo left so will be a transfer if everything goes to plan xx
When I was with the NHS I found it all very frustrating because of the wait times. It was impossible to get hold of anyone and it just felt like time was ticking away.
But they say it takes on average 3 goes to have success - so maybe this next one will be your one! If you're doing a transfer have a look at tips to help thicken your womb lining - vitamin E is good (200mg a day and stop before transfer).
xx
Yeah I totally agree, the wait times are horrible I feel like time is getting away from us now, it would be easier if it was a month wait not 3 months in-between transfers feels like forever away just now. Praying the 3rd one works so I can beat this, my lining has always been thick it was 13.7 for the transfer this time on a natural cycle🙈 been taking lots of vitamins, exercise eating well and always told my uterus is perfect so feels like a stab for them not to work when you feel like your doing everything "right" ❤️
Yes 3 months does feel like a lot. We had to move to a private clinic during Covid but it was so much less stressful with shorter wait times.
Oh wow that's a good lining! I know it's so hard when there is "nothing wrong". We found out that our transfers hadn't been working because my immune system was extremely over-active but it took us 5 fails before we got this info...
xx
Yeah definitely makes it harder because your wondering yeah they say nothings wrong everything looks great but something must be going on🙈
Omg wow how did they figure that out? Crazy that their are so many factors to consider to why it's failing!
Xx
Haha - I figured it out 
I listened to a podcast on auto-immune issues and fertility and it said that if anyone in your family has any auto-immune issues (even if you don't yourself) - that it could be a marker for you - and I realised both my parents have psoriasis. So I spoke to my consultant who said we could do the blood test for it - it came back really high - so she put me on steroids and intralipids and it worked!! xx
Omg that's incredible!
So amazing that it worked after that, I definitely need to do more research there is actually alot of issues on my mums side of the family never even thought about that atall! Not sure if nhs take all that into consideration though, might need to have a look into moving private after this transfer if we are no further forward xx
Well fingers crossed this next one works but if not at least you have another avenue to explore. I always found that helped me, feeling like there was something else I could try - if I'd run out of things I would have felt pretty hopeless but trying new things kept me going. xx
I completely understand how you feel. I was in your position a year ago and then after failed IVF and 4 years of trying. Then miraculously got pregnant naturally at christmas. Currently 17 weeks. Things can feel so hopeless just keep going. Sending babydust xxxx
I am on the exact same boat. I had two failed transfers and got a panic so I had some examinations done. Now preparing for my third transfer and it was canceled. I catched a cold and my Ovulation was delayed. So maybe next month? Maybe…I am already used for waiting but I am exhausted honestly. So I completly understand you feelings.
Im in the same position as you. Two failed transfers and waiting for the third. It's so hard to keep the hope going when you feel like you are constantly being knocked back. Like millbanks I feel like the best way is to come up with a plan of what to do differently this time. I always feel better when i have a plan. Hope you are ok and good luck on your next round xx
Completely understand Ur feelings got my negative last week transfer number 2 it's heartbreaking is the only word but Ur strong and go again and hopefully 3rd time luckily be kind I know it's hard you got this! X
Hi, I just wanted to say I’ve been where you are. I had 4 failed transfers and I remember for me the worst bit was all the waiting in between when you wanted to just get on with it. I liked to have a plan and be doing something. It’s so frustrating to wait. I also 100% felt like it would never work for me - like babies just happened to other people. But my 5th transfer worked and she’s nearly 4 months old - it still feels surreal. Hang in there! x
I was in this boat last year. 4 failed transfers of high grade embryos, good lining etc and no reason for failure. All of this was private too so just paying and paying for nothing. However the 5th transfer finally worked and I'm currently 20 weeks so there is hope even though it's tough to see it!
so sorry you are going through this!
I did too, it’s tough this IVF, at times it almost tests how much you want to have a baby.
It took 5 years of different things and 7 transfers for my BFP. In hindsight I would have done more things to make life feel normal, but at the time I did not feel like anything.. and if you too don’t want to do anything, it is OK. Take a break. Do nothing for a few days, go on a short holiday or binge movies, whatever floats your boat. Do what you need to keep your mind out of the IVF whirlpool. It consumes enough already.
Key is to not stress and be positive, massages worked wonders for me. Try to do things that help you stay you, if that makes sense.
We are all here to support you, as people who have either gone through or are currently going through the process, so leverage us as much as possible.
Positive pants on!
I'm so sorry you are having a bad time. Something that I've found helpful is to acknowledge that with every unsuccessful transfer (I've had 9), the worst happened and I'm still here. I got through, it didn't destroy me. This gives me confidence that actually I CAN carry on, and I will be OK.
All of the other 7 people in my IVF whatsapp support group now have babies (we all started IVF in 2022) and I'm still here, still doing egg retrievals and transfers and surgeries and testing. At one point, I was terrified of this happening as I thought it would be confirmation that I'd be 'that' person for whom it never works, but I'm still here and I still have hope. So don't be scared of your reactions to future disappointment; you're stronger than you think and you will be OK whatever happens.
Focus on yourself and your healing, and try to get back in tune with things you enjoy - outside of IVF - and don't beat yourself up about trying to be too perfect in terms of diet and lifestyle, because honestly from what I've seen in all the people it's been successful for, it's mostly about the luck of the draw and we don't have much control! Hope you feel better soon, just take it hour by hour x
Completely agree with your feelings. It does feel like we are stuck and there's no moving forward. It does hurt to see around the social media where everyone is giving their good news. It does hurt to see some people just get it so easily and on the other we have to be struggling. It's not easy to just pretend as if everything is right when actually it feels like everything is falling apart.
I feel u. Your feelings and emotions are all valid. I had my 3rd FET failed ...it was a chemical. I am waiting for further testings before the next try now.
All I wanted to say is, we have this tough journey infront of us that probably the people around us won't understand as they didn't go through the challenges we are going through and that's okay.
Know that you are strong. It's okay to have a breakdown now n then coz it's not easy. But we have to accept things as they are. You can do it. 🌺
Sending you lots of hugs.
Bless you, your so strong❤️ I honestly feel like I could have wrote your comment I feel exactly the same, it hurts so badly inside it's an undescrible pain unless you've walked in it. No one around me truly understands it, I pray you get your happy ending and all the suffering you've went through ends, here if you ever need to talk xx
Thank u dear. Will remember u and everyone else here in prayers. We will get through it❤️.
Thank you so so much for everyone's kind comments🥹 it really helps knowing I'm not alone in this, and just want to say you are all amazing and so strong❤️ I PRAY each and every one of us gets our happy ending. I'm feeling a bit better after a few days of letting it all out, definitely taking the next 3 months to do things for me and my husband we've booked a little hot tub get away for next month🥰 gonna focus on my health wellbeing and just try my best to live a little and forget about ivf for this time maybe will help me more for our next try with a clear mind❤️ you are all beautiful warriors lots of love to you all xx
Thats amazing. Enjoy your time together. Have fun 🥂
Hello there, I am so sorry about your second transfer. The waiting is really rough, but I found it helped me to use the time to sort of get my emotional strength back and feel better (the transfer meds and the ECs made me feel quite rubbish). I focused on seeing friends and having some 'non-IVF' time. It really helped me to get a break from the appointments, the worry and the treatment.... but it was initially hard to put it from my mind that I was so desperate to just get going again. In the end it turned out that the break helped a wee bit. Hope you can put yourself first and be so, so kind to yourself. Sending you so much love and babydust for the next one xxx
Hi! I just thought I would reach out because I am also in a similar position. Desperate to be a Mummy after nearly 8 years of trying. Every day is a struggle, constantly seeing families with young children and desperately wanting one of our own. I have had to stop watching certain tv shows because of this too! Just for self-preservation! My sister is also pregnant and is due in August... I am delighted and excited for her but is also very hard. Our first private round last year failed due to egg quality, caused by endometrosis (I am stage 4). 2 were collected but none made it it day 2. I had surgery for this in December, where they removed cysts and detached one of my tubes because of fluid in preparation for IVF. We have just gone through our first NHS round. I am a poor responder and they had me on the stimulation drugs on the highest dose for over 2 weeks. There were a number of follicles over 24mm but they managed to retrieve just one egg. Which was very disappointing! I also developed another 5cm ovarian cyst over the course of the treatment. Unfortunately this cyst is on the one ovary that still has a tube attached, it also meant they could collect nothing from this ovary as the cyst is in the way! I was very surprised that the 1 egg they collected survived and was good quality. I am in the 2 week wait at the moment and have to test next Thursday but I am not overly hopeful, its almost worse to hope if that makes sense? Hopefully it will happen for all us. I am currently just taking one day at a time and trying to think positively. For me its the hope that I may be able to use my own eggs and not go the donor route (which was my next course of action). Good luck to you. This is not an easy journey but I pray it will be worth it in the end x
hi, just to say, I felt exactly the same as you describe. I thought it would never work, my life was at a standstill and I felt like I would explode with frustration. All my work relationships suffered and I really struggled.
I tried to find another focus while going through treatment which helped me find some distraction. For me, it was running challenges or goals but it could be anything you enjoy doing. Just to have another focus.
I quit social media to protect my very broken heart from pregnancy announcements etc and I just tried to focus on my own journey and to an extent, block out anything around me which was too hard to deal with.
My third transfer worked after it felt like the whole world was against me, I hope you have the same success with your upcoming cycle 🙏🙏🍀🍀 wishing you so much good luck xx keep going, you’re doing great xx
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