Sperm donor - how to deal with so many potential siblings

[Flora14]

Sperm donors - Those of you that had to use sperm donors, how did you get your head around the fact that donor could then create another 9 families. (As in the U, K, they can create up to 10).It really bothers me to think that if I get a child it could have literally tons of other siblings , which I think would be really overwhelming for them and also alot for me.

Any words of wisdom. I've already had multiple failures with our own eggs and sperm and having to go down this route.

The sperm is from biggest bank in uk so likely to hit this limit.

Obviously having a baby with a sperm donor is better than not having a baby but wish it wasn't 10 families lol that's alot. Thanks

[DianeArnold]

.Hi. Try DC Network. You probably need implications counselling. Clinics can arrange that, or try bica.net a charity that covers all aspects of fertility. Diane

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[Twiglet2]

Hey it’s defo something to work through and surface your feelings on- before you use a donor you get some counselling on this but for me they aren’t my sons siblings or family, just others who benefitted from the kindness of the same man.

10 in the grand scheme of a population of billions is tiny! Our donor is now locked for anyone else’s use meaning they have reached their limit of ‘pregnancy slots’ and we can only use the remaining sperm because we already have a child from that donor. I’m currently pregnant (only 8 weeks) and if we are lucky enough to take this baby home it will be my son’s only sibling.

When he is 18 and can make the decision on whether he wants to find out more we will absolutely support him in that and any questions about it he has along the way but he’s 3 now and he is 100% ours and we look on the donor in such a positive way for helping us have this little miracle 🥰 and wouldnt change him for the world! Xx

[Boo718]

but if it wasn’t ten family’s there would be less sperm in the bank and you might not have got any. We went down the donor route abroad and I didn’t even think about siblings at all. I see it as this is my family … that’s there family. Xxx

[Tnthketnf]

Hi Flora. I am currently at the early stages of a DE pregnancy. I think your thoughts are very valid. It's one 0f the complexities that the donor route has. Similarly in the country I had treatment the donors are allowed to donate to 10 families and given that our clinic did not do exclusive cycles (each retrieval shared between 2 or three recipients, they do this because there aren't enough donors) it is very likely that the limit will be reached. Our donor has only donated once before our cycle and At the time of my transfer I was told that there was one live birth. There will be more. We intend to be open about the donation and help the child find out about the donor or siblings . Whatever they can. As it was anonymous donation. Personally I don't struggle with the idea about the siblings myself. But thinking about the child, 10 families in the world is a big number but I hope that with support it's still something that a young person can grasp. I intend to get help and counselling on this. the anonymity is something that- if I was to advise anyone I think would say to avoid. We had treatment in a country and at a time where only anonymous donors were available. And based on the information, finances and time we had it was the best option.

[Twins2022]

Hi Flora. We used donor sperm with my eggs and now have an amazing 6 year old. Not long after she was born I enquired about other siblings she had out there and I received an update that even when she was a baby she already had 8 half siblings.

The two remaining embryos were frozen and we now have almost 2 year old twins with the same donor. If anything I’m less worried and quite proud that we used a reputable UK sperm back because there are rules and regulations that protect the child, the donor and the parents.

I like the fact that our children can contact their donor if they wish when they are 18 years old as I think them having this choice is very important. So if all 10 families had 3 children like me that’s 30. It may seem a lot but that’s why it’s important that my children are aware of there start in life.

Ill be honest its not really something I think about too much. If I could say one thing to our donor is thank you, thank you for giving me and my partner the most precious gift on earth.

Also, something I wasn’t aware of is that a lot of people that donate either their own eggs or sperm are IVF babies themselves so want to give back.

Yes, biologically my 3 now have many half siblings but to me they just have each other and will know about the existence of their other siblings when they are old enough and then it’s their choice if they wish to find out more.

Best of luck on your journey x

[Beclp]

I used a sperm donor and I personally think it’s special that they will have half brothers and sisters. I will always be honest with my child and if they wish to learn more about their other siblings when they are old enough I will support that.

I think it could open them up to connections and opportunities they may never have had.

That’s just how I think of it x