Anyone had to use donor eggs and dono... - Fertility Network UK

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Anyone had to use donor eggs and donor sperm?

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We have to do both as partners sperm was poor quality and I only had 1 egg. Anyone in the same position? How did you feel about it all? I have many thoughts i shouldn't have. What if the baby looks nothing like us? Will i love the baby if its not genetically either of ours? We had to make a quick decision yesterday and now my head hurts! Im scared X

21 Replies
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Oh dear that’s a difficult decision which u had to make in a such short period. I feel for u Hun . But if Uve made d decision of donor egg. How does is it matter if it’s donor sperm. It’ll still b as much yours . Ull still carry d baby . Believe me there are women who done that and they r now in love with their child . Xx

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Hidden in reply to tiger-cub

Thankyou. My partner is totally happy with our decision to use donor sperm on all donor eggs. Were at the end of our journey now and theres no way we will do this again xx

That must have been a shock and to have to make a quick decision too.

I don't have experience but I thought I woukd have to use donor eggs (still may do in the future).

I know you must have a million and one things on your mind right but I think once you're pregnant with your little one and they are born you wouldn't even think about it, you would love the baby with all of your heart.

I think some people here will be able to help more than me. Also, it may be an idea to seek special fertility counselling so you can discuss everything.

Xxx

I'm not surprised your head in spinning and you've got a lot of thoughts and questions going round. I don't think you should censor any of them and feel like you shouldn't be thinking it - it's real and important to allow yourself to question these things. Counselling, as someone else suggested, is a great idea.

I'm using donor sperm because I'm in a same sex relationship, and my partner has a lot of issues with it. I have 1 good embryo from a previous round, and I know it may not succeed, and I may be thinking about using donor eggs if it doesn't. In the back of my mind I'm gearing myself up for that possibility, in which case a child wouldn't have any genetic connection to me. I think it takes a bit of getting your head around, but I really do think being a parent is about the love and commitment you give to a child, more than just biology. I also take some comfort in the idea that a child born from double donor - that particular combination of dna from egg and sperm - would never have come about if it wasn't for the parent making it happen. You will be responsible for making that unique individual, if that makes any sense.

Doctors also say that with donor egg some of the carrier mum's dna crosses over during formation, which is pretty cool. The child effectively has 3 parents contributing!

Take some time to think through all the crazy thoughts. Much love xx

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Hidden in reply to magda22

Thanks magda22 i never thought i would go down this road. Its crazy how we began trying 5 years ago and now we both have problems its down to donor eggs and donor sperm. Its crazy how life turns out sometimes. I am going to update everyone on Thursday once i know the numbers. Good luck to you and your partnerXx

Hiya, we have already had one unsuccessful attempt with donor eggs. My husband has cryptozoospermia and until now we’ve used his sperm with ICSI. If we do try another round we are seriously considering using donor sperm too as there is such a significant male factor.

It is another big step but realistically probably the best chance we have of achieving pregnancy and having a baby.

We have had three sessions of implications counselling which has really helped us explore our feelings around these issues and helped us reach a decision we’re happy with xx

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Hidden in reply to Dunla

Thanks Dunla out here in Cyprus weve had no chance for counselling. I love kids though i treat my nephews and niece as though they are my own so I am sure me and my partner will be fine. Hes not even bothered about any of it! X

Dunla
Dunla in reply to Hidden

Good luck with it all. Keep in touch to let us know how you’re getting on x

No experience or advice as such but I personally think that if it’s growing inside you, it’s mummy, and when you give birth, it will feel every inch yours. Good luck xx

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Hidden in reply to Tugsgirl

Thanks Tugsgirl xx

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HI

In terms of feeling the decision has been rushed, I would take your time. If you are not sure ring the clinic and let them know. I'm not sure where you are based but in the UK there is a mandatory requirement to have counselling when using donors.

We have both male and females issues and we have been advised to think about, sperm, egg and embyro donation. This is made more complicated by the fact we are a mixed raced couple so finding suitable donors will be difficult. Personally I feel if it did come to this I would rather just adopt because I'm not fussed about being pregnant but my husband would like me to carry the child and give birth to it ( how noble of him!) and there are no guarantees of a baby through adoption. My only reservation about donors is the fact that my children may decide one day to go and find there biological parents and I may find that difficult. That said the same applies for adoption. I'm just not sure how many times I can go through any type of cycle as its such an emotional drain and there's only so much one can take, therefore would rather go straight to adoption.

I have so much love to give. I love my adopted cats sooooo so much. If I can love that strongly straight away with cats I imagine that no matter what way I get I child I will love them regardless.

My older sister has kindly already offered to be a egg donor but she is 37 and hoping to start TTC again herself next year. I'm building up the strength to ask my younger sister too.

Good luck with your journey and please take your time, its a huge choice to make.

xxx

sandra81
sandra81 in reply to Hidden

my sis donated at 36 to me and that led to our twins and two more blasts in the freezer. do not write off your 37 year old sister yet. let the tests rule her out

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Hidden in reply to sandra81

That’s very encouraging. Particularly since my younger sister has said no.

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Thanks everyone i appreciate your comments i really do. We kind of had a window of about 15 mins to decide about donor sperm as my one egg had been collected and my donors 12 eggs collected and then partners sperm was collected too all in the same day. So the eggs needed fertilizing. I get a call on Thursday to say how many have developed of the 13 eggs. I feel like i am in a whirlwind at the moment xx

Billywhizz10
Billywhizz10 in reply to Hidden

This sounds awful to be rushed like this.

Hopefully if in the end you have a good embryo and a baby from this, with some frozen embryo's for the future, it would have been worth it.

I would really contact your GP and get some counselling, tell them you're using a donor egg and sperm - and need some couple counselling. It sounds like you need it and it will really help you be in the right place mentally for your pregnancy and raising the child.

Best of luck x

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Hidden in reply to Billywhizz10

Thanks Billywhizz we may lool into counselling if were lucky to finally get a BFP Xx

Billywhizz10
Billywhizz10 in reply to Hidden

One thing I would say is, we used a donor egg and once we saw her on the scan and felt her kick, all thoughts like will she look like the donor, or will we love her as much as our genetic child, all those questions disappear and all you'll care about is the child.

Best of luck xx

Well done for making your decision. You will love your baby no matter what. Good luck to you my lovely and please keep us all posted xxxx

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Hidden in reply to Missy_22

Thanks Missy i will give you a progress report tomorrow when i hear from the clinic! X

I was in a similar position. I had counselling and found the DCN DONOR CONCEPTION NETWORK based in the uk , an amazing resource . I Could chat to others (online / phone ) who had gone the same route . Did a weekend seminar as well which I found great because I came away so much more confident about the support network that is there when I need it. It is a big decision and not one that you want to make under pressure , it sounds like you have so much love to give , Best of luck , xx

I did donor egg. I had one failed IVF at 39 and was advised to use donor egg. After the failed ivf and the donor egg verdict i cried every day for a month. So when my sister offered her eggs and she was on the verge of turning 36 i just decided within that month to accept her offer. i did not have time to go for counselling or anything. Now i have twin girls from that gift and i am very happy. my sister is dark and my partner too. I was expecting that all my babies would have a darker skin tone like them but to my surprise one of the twins is very light skinned like me, and has a lot of my features and mannerisms that i can't help think that its possible to pass something of yours. when my friends get preg with own eggs i sometimes feel pangs of envy but i am very happy with my children, they are my world and they are on my mind every waking moment. at work i can't wait to get home and i have these little video clips that i take of them doing the things that babies do and watch these at work when i miss them during the day.So granted donor egg is not for everyone, does not work for everyone, but for m its the best decision that i ever took.

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