Making the invisible visible

[lmno]

I thought I’d share this in case it’s helpful for anyone.

One of the hardest parts of my infertility journey has been dealing with pain and grief that is largely invisible to those around us. We are so blessed to have a daughter as a result of our fourth ICSI attempt, 5 years after we started try for a baby. Fast forward another 3 years and we have come to the end of our journey.

We have transferred 7 embryos, and each time I knew my due date for if they were successful, had thought of names, and had imagined a future where they were in it. My daughter is visible, but those other 6 that didn’t make it are not and I needed a way to have them with me, if only symbolically.

I recently got this necklace as a way of making the invisible visible and validating that even though we are going into the future as a family of 3, there are others who we loved, hoped for, and continue to grieve for. After our negative test yesterday I added our last two silver circles.

My 3 year old daughter asked me the other day about my necklace. I told her that I was the chain and that she was the gold circle. She asked who the other ones were and I said they were seeds we planted who didn’t grow but we were so lucky that she grew into a beautiful flower.

To the world I am a mother of 1, but in my heart I am a mother of 7 🩶🩶💛🩶🩶🩶🩶

Sending love and solidarity to everyone on this journey. Keep holding on xxx

[Xmishell37]

I love this 😊❣️ xx

[Millbanks]

This is so beautiful! It made me well up as I've been thinking the same thing 💔❤️

We have transferred 12 embryos and only 1 stuck - we have another 1 to go and if this one doesn't work I will be getting 13 tiny stars tattooed randomly across my body.

I feel like it's so important to mark each little spark of life that didn't quite make it.

Wishing you all the best with your new IVF free life!

Much love xxx

[lmno in reply to Millbanks]

Love your star tattoo idea, that’s beautiful ❤️

[Xmishell37 in reply to Millbanks]

I also love this idea!! ❣️ Xx

[Fruitandflowers in reply to Millbanks]

I love the idea of having them be seeds/flowers or constellations of stars. I hadn't thought of anything like this and it's all such a nice way of having them with you.

[Chiefy in reply to Millbanks]

My brother in law has his son's name tattooed on, and then around it is a star for every pregnancy that didn't make it. It's such a lovely idea

[CornflowerMoon]

Such a beautiful idea. I'd have 2 silver circles and, after 5 years, finally a gold circle. I'd been thinking about getting a necklace made with her handprint but now I think it'll have 2 blank pendants on it too. Thank you. ❤️

[RedFox23]

This is so special, I love the way you explained it to your daughter too. X

[Elmo13]

Love this ❤️

[Fruitandflowers]

This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing.

[Seren0119]

I absolutely love this and thank you so much - I am going to do the same. I even named all my embryos (little fighter, peanut, the twinkles). They are never forgotten 💔

[Twiglet2]

so beautiful! Thank you for sharing 💜😥 xx

[Newbies1]

I Love this ❤️ thank you for sharing xxx

[Beclp]

Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Positive20]

This was absolutely beautiful to read xxx Congratulations on your beautiful family. Walk with your head high xx

[Catalan]

This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing

[AJKP]

I love this, its exactly what we all go through. No one really understands the pain, grief and trauma because it's not seen to them. I have been thinking about how to recognise my losses for myself, I have one heartbeat teddy but not all of them got to have a heartbeat. I like the bracelet idea, thank you for sharing this, it captures our journey's so well ❤️ xxx

[Toryc3981]

Thank you so much for sharing this, I needed to hear this today ❤️

[butterfliez]

This is so beautiful ❤️. such a special necklace to represent each one. you are so right the most complex part is others who don't understand this type of loss and no acknowledgement that embryos are basically the babies that we had so much hope for but never made it. people just see that as failed treatment and not that they were precious little lives. I have little Joma jewellery bracelets that represent the daughter we lost and the embryos that never made it. They will always be special and remembered in the hearts of us as parents X

Take care XX

[Marms81]

So lovely! ❤️

[Rosebud3]

This is so beautiful, it moved me to tears! Thank you for shining a light on all of our invisible pain and for sharing such a beautiful idea. ❤️

[Batsford]

I really love this too. Where did you buy it from please?

[lmno in reply to Batsford]

It was from Etsy x

[lulubelly1983]

love this, transferring our very precious embryos that take much time and love to create mean so much more to us all that anyone can imagine unless you’ve been through it, I’ve got tiny footprints 👣 on my tummy that I will have finished off eventually a pair to signify each of my embryos that each one could have take my life down a completely different path xxx

[MiniMe23]

Absolutely beautiful ❤️

I love this and have a bracelet similar to mark all my little angels. I also have a necklace bearing birthstones of the ones that came so far and who almost made it and I wear it every day xx

[Pinklily2]

Love this 🥰❤️🥰❤️ x x

[Learningdaybyday]

This is so special; the invisible pain is one of the hardest parts of this - thank you for sharing ❤️

[Eternalwarrior]

Just absolutely beautiful!!! ❤️❤️❤️ I am sitting here crying non-stop... 🥲🥲🥲We are blessed to also have a 2 year old (embryo number 10) and one more embryo in the freezer and that will be the end of our fertility journey too. We had 1 late loss and 4 in the first trimester. I do have a beautiful pendant with the ashes of my elder son and it is very moving but when my 2 year old wants comfort or if I am holding him he holds the pendant tightly. I wear the pendant 24/7 and a few people have asked me in the last few years, what is it that I hold onto so tightly. I suppose it is a way of making the invisible visible. I love the idea of Millybanks of tattooing little stars too ✨ Lots of love to your family of 3 and all the little angels that couldn't be. Sending you comforting hugs, strength and much love ❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxx

[Natasha2012]

that is beautiful. To my embryos that didn’t stay they meant something to me and like you rightly say they are invisible but still very much part of our journey . Lots of love ❤️ xxx