It’s over for us this time

[Kat_15]

Hi fellow warriors

Thanks again for all your support over the last few weeks. It really has made a difference in this journey when I was losing hope so thank you. 💛

I’m very sad to say the embryologist called to say our embryo hadn’t grown any more and they were still cells so hadn’t reached the morula stage. Just devastating. 😭

We asked a few questions and she said my hubby’s sperm was grade 1 (although we know he has DNA fragmentation so the chance of them picking a good one through IMSI was 50:50 according to my hubby’s urologist) and the embryo was grade 1 until day 3 but they couldn’t grade them after that.

We asked why they might have stopped developing at this stage and she said it could be something to do with genetics and be linked to the sperm or egg quality. I’m so worried it’s going to come back to my egg quality. We were told at our NHS clinic a year ago our quickest way to get pregnant was donor eggs but after one transfer I didn’t feel I was ready to give up on my own eggs yet.

We have eaten healthily from the start of this year following a plan from a fertility dietician recommended by our clinic (even during lockdown, not easy!), I went gluten free, was on an intense supplement programme for egg quality, haven’t drunk alcohol for over four months and my hubby has been working on his DNA fragmentation which has improved loads yet we are in a worse position than our previous cycle (although we had two egg batching cycles last time as the NHS clinic insisted we do this so we had four embies to develop from day 3 after defrosting them).

We are four years into our TTC journey and I’m not ready to give up yet but just hope I’m strong enough mentally to get through this. The process is just brutal. I have been going to regular counselling for almost a year now as I got so down after our BFN last year.

Any tips for our follow consultation? I don’t think the long Gonal F protocol worked for me as I was slow to respond (this hasn’t happened in previous cycles when I was on Meriofert and Fostimon) and will be asking about alternative protocols. How long before we can start again? My thyroid went crazy after our last BFN so we had a year’s gap between cycles.

Thanks again for your support and advice. Wishing my cycle buddies BFPs and everyone else lots of baby dust for their future journeys. xxx

[Shirazlover2013]

I’m so sorry to read this Kat 😢 I really feel for you. So much effort has gone into this round, it’s just crushing. But you are still sounding positive about the long game and that’s where our heads need to be. My 5th egg collection has gone like a car crash last week (haven’t found the energy to post about yet) so I’m sitting right next to you wondering about our worsening dna fragmentation and about egg quality..... anyway feel free to PM me if you wanna chat more. Sending lots of hugs xoxo

[Kat_15 in reply to Shirazlover2013]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful message. 💛So sorry to hear your recent egg collection didn’t go well, my heart goes out to you as I know how heart breaking that is. 💔

Will definitely message you soon, be good to share experiences. We will be comforting ourselves with some nice food and wine today!

Sending lots of hugs to you too. This journey is so bloody tough! xxx

[Chel91]

So so sorry to hear your news Kat! I know how devestating and draining this whole journey can be, it's so incredibly hard and unfair. Big hugs to you!! Glad you are staying positive and looking to making a new plan, hopefully they can get you started again asap (when you are ready). I've gone through 2 failed transfers this year and about to start another fresh cycle, it's exhausting, but I'm hopeful! My only advice is to stick with your guns and don't let them put you on a protocol that doesn't work for you. I'll be crossing my fingers for you 💕 xxx

[Kat_15 in reply to Chel91]

Hi Chel, thanks so much for your thoughtful message. I really do appreciate it.

So sorry to hear you have been through this twice this year. It’s so tough isn’t it? Wishing you lots of luck and baby dust for your next cycle. 🍀🤞🙏

We have booked a follow up appointment with our consultant next Monday so glad we don’t have to wait too long to get a plan of next steps in place.

Keeping everything crossed for you too. 💛xxx

[Elizabeth30]

So sorry to hear this. It is so tough. Give yourself some time to heal physically and mentally ready to take on your next cycle. I have to say I was on Gonal F on my first cycle and unfortunately it was a complete disaster. We then went on to meriofert for our second one and it seemed to be more in our favour. Just waiting for our follow up appointment now and have a plan in place. Wishing you all the luck on your next cycle X

[Kat_15 in reply to Elizabeth30]

Hi Elizabeth, thanks for your kind message and for reaching out. So sorry to hear your last cycle wasn’t successful too, it’s so hard. 💛

Thanks for sharing your experience, I don’t think Gonal F worked for me so will definitely be asking to try something different.

Wishing you lots of luck for your next cycle. Really hope it is successful for you. 🤞🍀🙏Xx

[Elizabeth30 in reply to Kat_15]

Hi kat_15

Yes I would definitely mention it to your clinic when you have your follow up. I should hopfully have mine within a few weeks and I will mention the bleeding after the transfer. Don't hesitate to message anytime. Wishing you all the luck in the world on your next treatment. 🙏🏻😊🍀 Xx

[leo1980]

Hi Kat_15

I am so sorry to hear. I know what you mean... this journey is beyond brutal. With each cycle I feel like it goes to the next Level of endurance! The only thing I could suggest if it is egg quality is maybe try DHEA? Also did you both have karatyping done? Might be worth to check if you have the correct Chromosomal make up. If that’s ok. Then look at immune stuff - you can do some of it at your GP. I am on a microdose protocol with meriofert and fostimon next cycle. If that helps? Aim to get fewer eggs but better quality. I am 40 and we have fragmentation issues. Hubby is off to see legendary Dr Ramsay this week! He was recommended on here😉

[Kat_15 in reply to leo1980]

Hi Leo, thanks so much for your thoughtful message and for reaching out.

Yes been taking micronized DHEA for the last three months and also on all sorts of other things for egg quality recommended by a fertility dietician but not sure it has made a difference to be honest but will keep at it just in case!

No we haven’t had karatyping done so will ask about that and look into it. Thank you.

They think I have silent autoimmune thyroiditis (my thyroid went AWOL last year) so I was taken off thyroxine for a year so it could stabilise and we had to put our treatment on hold too which was so frustrating. It’s back to normal now but I am on a low dose of thyroxine at the moment to keep it steady. Haven’t been tested for anything else though? What kinds of things can they find?

Thanks for sharing your protocol. I think I need to be on a similar plan, as you say quality not quantity. 😊I am 36, 37 later this year.

My hubby has seen Dr Ramsey and he is brilliant.

Wishing you lots of luck with your onward journey. Really hope you get your BFP very soon. 🍀🤞Xx

[Serendipitious]

Kat_15,

So sorry to hear about this. Do you have thyroid problems? Sorry what do you mean when you say your thyroid went crazy? It's really important to have good thyroid levels and not just somewhere within the lab range. Often our doctors and endocrinologists don't even run a full thyroid panel let alone know how to interpret them.

[Kat_15 in reply to Serendipitious]

Hello, thanks for your kind message.

So here’s my Thyroid saga (sorry for the long message!)...

After my FET last year my Thyroid went bonkers and dropped to 0.02 and then shot up to 20+ within a few weeks. I was referred to an NHS endocrinologist who ran lots of tests (scans, X-rays, blood tests etc) and although I don’t have thyroid antibodies they think I had/have something called silent autoimmune thyroiditis.

I was originally put on levothyroxine thyroxine in Jan last year when I started IVF as my TSH was 3.06, my TSH then lowered but my other Thyroid readings (T3 and 4) were far too high but I wasn’t being managed by a endocrinologist then so they didn’t spot this.

It took almost a year with not being on my levothyroxine for my levels to get back to normal levels and for us to be able go through treatment again. I then saw a private fertility endocrinologist (due to not being able to see the NHS one due to the pandemic) and he thought my max level should be 4 rather than the usual 2.5 recommended by the clinics having reviewed all my history. I am now on a low level of thyroxine as when I started my stims for this last cycle it started to creep slightly above 4.

It’s been a real nightmare! After my last cycle in July 2019 I was desperate to get on with another cycle but had to wait till July this year to get started again which was so frustrating!

Have you had thyroid issues too? It’s a minefield! xx

[Serendipitious in reply to Kat_15]

Kat_15,

No need to apologise at all about your post and it wasn't long at all. Sorry mine is though. As soon as I started to read it I could tell that they've been diagnosing you on TSH. This is so the wrong way to do things. Your TSH shouldn't be higher than 2 especially if you're trying to conceive. I can't believe, they've let you go from 0.02 to 3, there again I kind of ca. I'm not sure how much your FT4 and FT3 was, but it's only too high if it's above the lab range. Have you got your test results?

Also, to then just take you off thyroid medication completely, again just based on TSH is incredibly reckless. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately I've not had the chance to have a baby yet but my GP lowered my levothyroxine about 4 years ago and that alone made me very unwell. I had no idea as I trusted them but I then ended up educating myself and managing it myself with the help of the Thyroid UK forum here for a start and I've come a very long way.

Basically, your TSH must not be higher than 2. Doesn't matter if its 0.02 or 0.2. That doesn't mean you're having a hyperthyroid swing. The FT4 and FT3 levels have to be a decent way through that range this is very important. That's where most people feel well. Also, did they test for both thyroid antibodies, TGAb and TPOAb? If either of these are positive then you have autoimmune thyroiditis or Hashimoto's so I don't know how they came to this conclusion without full testing.

Dr Izabella Wentz otherwise known as they Thyroid Pharmacist talks about pregnancy and her own pregnancy plus all things thyroid including TSH, FT4, FT3 and antibody levels.

thyroidpharmacist.com/artic...

I'd also recommend popping along to the Thyroid UK forum here for more advice especially on your last test results. This could be the reason for your problems and no wonder it's been a nightmare.

[jengi]

Hi Kat, i'm so sorry to read this. This journey is gruelling. I had to make the tough decision to go down donor egg route so i know how devastating it is when our bodies fail us. I met with the head embryologist and found this a very useful and informative discussion to learn what they saw with the sperm, egg and embryos. I had low AMH, high FSH and after two rounds with my own eggs, i learned that i had very poor egg quality too. It is devastating. However, i do think it is worth discussing other protocol options with the consultant or getting a second opinion. What supplements are you taking to improve egg quality? At the end of the day, this journey has two costs, emotional and financial. Only you can decide how much emotional energy and money you are willing to throw at it. For me, i had 5% chance with my own eggs vs. 50% with donors, it was a no brainer but emotionally, it was the most difficult decision ever. It took me 13 months to make the decision. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with twins! I wish you every success with your journey and hope those follicles/eggs of yours start behaving soon Xx

[Kat_15]

Hi Jengi, thank you for your thoughtful message, I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me.

Many congrats on your twins, how wonderful. 💛Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

Thank you for your advice, I think I would need to do something similar to meet the endocrinologist to understand things and our chances if we were going to go down the donor route. I can understand why it took sometime for you to come to terms with it, I think I would need that time too.

Yes been taking a wide range of supplements for egg quality for the past three months as recommended by a fertility dietician and this has included DHEA. We recently moved clinics (after getting their advice on our situation) so this was our first cycle with them so I am hoping they have learned from this cycle and we can try something different next time. We have got one more cycle on our access fertility programme so would be keen to do one more cycle at least before thinking about our options.

Thanks again for your support. Xx

[Hidden]

So sorry Kat. You are a true warrior yourself and i hope you hold on tight on your dream and see better days lovely. Sending many hugs xx

[Kat_15 in reply to Hidden]

Aww thanks so much for your kind message 💕and so sorry for my slow reply. I had a little break for here after our last cycle. How are you? Sending hugs back to you too. xx

[Hidden in reply to Kat_15]

Hi lovely. You more than deserved a break you poor thing. I know the pain doesnt go away completely but i hope you do get energy for fighting on 💪💪

Im good thanks. Trying to keep the thyroid in check and gearing up for a fresh cycle. 🤞🤞

[Kat_15 in reply to Hidden]

Aww thank you, I feel tired just thinking about the next few weeks 🤪but determined to keep going.

Wishing you lots of luck and positive vibes for your next cycle. Hope your thyroid keeps behaving itself! xx