My only fresh embryo transfer from two rounds failed. I’m heartbroken. I don’t think I was given the right medical care. Unsupportive DH

[Cuppppatea]

My only embryo failed.

The first round nothing grew past 4 cells - which I can accept was egg quality.

Fast forward 5 months and we both made lots of changes in terms of supplements.

The second round I believe the quality will have been much better for both of us.

However - the clinic had me agree to calcium ionophore at the last minute (which I think was totally wrong for our situation) two of my embryos went into arrest. And one disintegrated. One survived.

On my silly little way I went after the transfer without checking my progesterone?!? I was too overwhelmed to think to get them to check. I took the pesaries religiously but I believe my progesterone was too low. I had pink spotting on day 10 and called the clinic and they just said carry on, the progesterone would have been being released from my ovaries too. How can something so important be treated so frivolously?

The other thing that is haunting me is the fact my husband did not abstain from drinking and in the months leading up he was drinking more than an acceptable limit on countless occasions. I can’t help thinking this has also had a negative effect. Because his semen figures had reached near normal he said it didn’t have any effect.

This behaviour has been heart breaking. A few days later after my negative test he left me crying and went to a 40th birthday - he was totally wasted. I was furious - he said ‘we’re not in treatment’ obviously I said it doesn’t matter !!!!! We will be back the grind of our crappy 5% trying naturally lottery while I sort the next moves out. I came to my sisters and haven’t spoken yet.

He has previously said - no more ivf ( due to the process being stressful for him) I told him it’s non negotiable. He sees how important it is to me - but I will have to fund it. He doesn’t have any spare cash and is in debt. I will be funding everything.

If we manage to continue with our fertility journey and don’t break up I will make sure to get a DNA test and investigate the male factor more. I can’t carry on if he’s not willing to give it 100 percent commitment. How is that too much for him???

[Londonlady2024]

Hi, I don't think your NHS clinic would have advised you to take calcium ionophore if they did not previously have success. It's probably down to serious sperm issues. I would not count your first NHS cycle as it is more trial and error. So think of it as you had one cycle. You still have time, please don't worry that you will be 40. I felt the same about my age but did all the things to reverse aging including eggs! Cutting out alcohol is going to help you massively in your IVF/ICSI journey. I would say to you and your husband to give up alcohol for a minimum 3 months prior to starting another cycle for better and improved egg quality, fertilisation and embryo grade although lower grades can still be healthy embryos that can implant.

Even if you investigate sperm issues, your husband would still make lifestyle changes, so he should ideally start ASAP.

I know this journey is hard, I have been through it whilst grieving for my stillborn son who died at full-term.

Wishing you endless positivity and success.

[Xmishell37]

I think it would defo be really helpful if Ur husband agrees to a DNA fragmentation test, it means u can either rule out an issue on his side or it will give u the clear evidence u need to have a serious conversation with him about making real lifestyle changes, if hes still not willing to make the changes it will make decision making on your part alot easier. I've just found a clinic that does DNA testing (the appointment is on 15 March and results come back within two weeks) so it shouldn't be a long process for results. My partner's original sperm tests came back 'normal' buts he's 44 and age is defo a factor in DNA fragmentation. I went for this option as I was told testing on my part will delay treatment for up to 6 months because some tests need o be repeated after 3 months and I'm also paying for it because NHS has something like a 12 week wait for results. I know I will feel better just being able to rule out (or in) issues on his side, hope u feel better soon ❤️

[Cuppppatea in reply to Xmishell37]

Hey thanks for your reply! What testing on your part were you going to consider? Have you gone for consultation, dna test and then a consultation with the same people? Or separate test and consultation? How much was it? Thanks again and good luck !

[Xmishell37 in reply to Cuppppatea]

I can't find my letter at the minute from the consultant who I spoke to...but the test I recall which would cause most delay for me was to determine if steroids would be required, the first test is done after a negative pregnancy test and the next requires a 3 month wait ..sorry I'm hopeless with detail unless it's written down in front of me but once I find the letter I'm happy to share 🙈 my consultation was with NHS doctor via telephone and was offered after my previous failed transfers (one miscarriage one chemical), my partner is just going for DNA fragmentation test and then results will be shared by me with NHS, no consultation for that it's not NHS, it's in Edinburgh and is £400 for the test, a repeat test can be done 3 months later which is £300, my next cycle/egg retrieval is likely to take place in May/June xx