Needing encouragement... and words of support to try again or stop....

[Loveandloss2]

Hello..... it's been so long since I posted on here, but I still read lots of other people's posts. I'm looking for help, reassurance and guidance.....

I'm approaching 44 and have been successful in the past with IVF with my son who is now 8. I also have a 6 year old who was conceived naturally. I had a FET in 2022 that was unsuccessful and I've really struggled since this.

Whilst I'm so blessed to have my 2 sons, I selfishly really, really want more.

I've been considering DE transfer and have looked a clinic's abroad. I think I'd choose one in Cuprus.

However, I'm terrified...... I'm terrified of how I'll cope if it doesn't work. But I'm also terrified of how I'll cope if I don't try again.

I've had some counselling and to be honest it's been really helpful but I'm still feeling very stuck.

I'm so sorry if I offend anyone by saying that I do already have 2 children. I often feel like a fraud for being on here, but as I say... I desperately want more.

Anyone else in this situation?

[Kitkat10]

hi, I desperately wanted a sibling for my son (aged 2) and after a further 3 failed transfers of apparently ‘top quality embryos’ at age 42, I knew my eggs had done all they could for me and I opted for DE in the UK. Paid for a 50% refund package which gave me the possibility of 2 donors which on average probably meant 12 young eggs. Anyway it worked first time and I’m cautiously 17 weeks now. I just really felt like I had to try and the chances of it working are higher than it not with cumulative attempts with DE. I don’t think you are wrong whatever you decide. I know how you feel though, I felt so blessed when my son arrived but I knew I wanted just one more. Good luck 🍀🍀xx

[Loveandloss2 in reply to Kitkat10]

That's amazing news.... Congratulations 👏 😍.. Thank you so much for replying x

[Mrs_MT]

I know how you feel and it’s not an easy decision. All I can ask you is what’s worse (this is what I asked myself)- trying and failed vs 10 years later and regretting for not trying? I did lots of counselling, chats with the OH+++ before I decided to try again. I just wasn’t at peace otherwise. I hear your fears if you decide to try again (the sting of fails is awful). But you are also stronger than you think you are too. Hope you find the right decision for you and your family xx

[Loveandloss2 in reply to Mrs_MT]

Thank you so much..... perfect words.... I know I'd rather try again and it potentially be unsuccessful than live with the what ifs....

My next mental battle is.... what if it doesn't work again....when will I ever want to stop..

My poor husband has already said that if we do do it again it is absolutely the last time!

[Doodlebug23]

I’m still desperately trying at 47 for my first with DE. I tried at 42 with OE which was unsuccessful, so I went straight for DE to remove the first hurdle of my old eggs this time.

I don’t think you are selfish. And I also think it’s better to regret something you did do than something you didn’t. At least if you try you can have no regrets later and wonder what if.

The constant fails are really hard, and approaching transfer 6 I’m more than ready for it to work this time. So I’ve decided that it WILL work this time! I deserve it and I will get this long awaited baby!

Good luck in what ever decision you make x

[Loveandloss2 in reply to Doodlebug23]

You are absolutely right.... you Do deserve for it to work. Hoping and praying for you.Are you doing your DE transfer soon?

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Loveandloss2]

Thankyou. Yes it’s on Friday 😊 I’m getting excited now. Fly out to Spain tomorrow x

[Loveandloss2 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Oh Wow! Thats amazing..... I'm so excited for you. How long will you be in Spain for? Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on. I'm going to be thinking of you.

Sending you all the luck and love in the world!

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Loveandloss2]

Ohh thankyou! I’m having an HCG wash on Thurs then transfer on Fri. Fly back Sat. Then it’s the dreaded 2ww! Of course I’ll keep you posted. It will be me needing the words of encouragement 🙈

[Leesalou]

sending hugs, I'm in the same boatX we had a successful ivf with my son in 2018

We had 3 Frosties that we used in 22 & 23 unfortunately 1sr was unsuccessful 2nd was successful but ended in a miscarriage which broke us but we had one left and thought it must be and we went ahead and transferred out last one and that was unsuccessful,

Our only option now is fresh cycle but I'm 41 in March and hubby is 45 I've had my amh done which is 8.5 and just awaiting hubby a SA results then in for a chat,

My son desperately would like a sibling and it breaks my heart it's unlikely, we did discuss adoption but we aren't allowed due to not having a spare room, if results are good and they think it's chance that it work I think then we will give this one more chance with a fresh cycle so then we can say we tried all we could,

From when I was a little girl I always wanted 2, we've been ttc since 2003 with failed ivf in 2011 and then successfull in 2018,

It is possible as there is people out there over 40, I think you know in your heart when it's time to give up,

Wish you all the best in your choice, and hopefully you get your dream, sending hugs and lots of baby dust xxxx

[Loveandloss2 in reply to Leesalou]

Thank you so much..... I too wish you all the luck and love.

I'm exactly the same, always wanted 3 children since a little girl and its still all I want now. I'm not bothered about my job or anything else. It feels as though this is my purpose which is why I find it so distressing.

Good luck. Xx

[gianna83]

I say ''Go for it''. You are not selfish at all, you want another baby,how's that selfish? I would definetely do it myself but unfortunately i've had two c sections and the thought of another one makes me freak out.

[Loveandloss2 in reply to gianna83]

Thank you..... I'm sorry you had scary experiences with C sections.

[Fruitandflowers]

It's funny the way we interpret so much to do with female fertility and having children as selfish - if you don't want children you're selfish, if you leave it late to start trying, you're selfish, if you 'only' have one, if you go with an elective c- section, if you don't breastfeed, if you go back to work (but then staying at home on benefits and having more children than you can afford is also...) and if you want more than one, or two or 10... especially when you should just be 'grateful' for what you have been blessed with already. Maybe some of it is selfish, but only in the sense that you want something that will make you happy, or feel complete, or will be the best choice for your health or your family. If that's what you want or even what you desperately need, then it's probably better to try and fail with the hope of getting it, than not to try. There's a bit in EatPrayLove that I always think about where the author tells the story of the person praying to God every night begging him to 'please, please, please, let me win the lottery' and God finally gets exasperated and replies 'please, please, please, buy a ticket'