Been crying at the drop of a hat - are my hormones messed up from the (failed) ivf rounds?

[Dogbiscuits28]

There is a lot going on, so alongside the three rounds of ivf that haven't worked it might be that I am crying so easily because my life feels like a nightmare, but I don't normally cry this easily. Has anyone else found they cry a lot more than normal as a result of going through the whole rigmarole of ivf hormone treatments?

I am also 42 yrs old, so could it be pre-menopause? This is probably TMI, but my periods have also changed. At the last egg collection I had a massive hemorrhage, and now my periods are all bright red with no clots all the way through, which is not at all how they wee before. I am worried my hormones are all out of balance and these are side effects?

I do want to try ivf again, but with my job a total mess (I was offered an amazing job but for some mad reason I turned it down and now have a terrible fixed term job ending in August and can't seem to find anything to replace it), my age and no money I don't see how it can happen. Not least because the stress is probably making my eggs even worse quality. I am single too, so dont really have any support going through this, so perhaps I shouldn't be surprised I am crying all the time? I just never have been like this previously.

I just want to be sure that aside from my stress there isn't a physical issue that I need to sort out. Any advise would be really welcome.

Thank you, and sorry for the late night rant.

[Londonlady2024]

My biggest advice is never give up on hope. Stay positive and please manage your stress levels because this can negatively affect everything...which will hinder your IVF outcome. Don't do anything drastic.

Sorry to hear about your haemorrhage. I heard that bright red periods are a good sign especially without clots. The fact that you're having periods at your age is a very good sign of your reproductive health; assuming your periods are not painful because that could be a sign of another problem.

I should also add that I agree with what others have said previously, "it only takes one".

I wish you all the best ❤️

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Londonlady2024]

Thank you - I am finding it increasingly easy to worry about every little thing. Knowing the period changes might not be a bad thing is helpful- a sliver lining I can cling to!

It is difficult to manage the stress - and then when you get stressed knowing it is having a detrimental impact is also stressful! I have been going to therapy, so hopefully I can recover some mental resilience.

[Londonlady2024 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

I totally understand how difficult it is to manage stress having suffered a stillbirth at 39+5 in 2020. You can message me anytime x

[TeddyBear5]

no wonder you are crying, you sound like you are dealing with a lot and probably feel like you have no control over it all.

Are you using your own or donor eggs? Whilst donor eggs might not feel right for you, they do mean you are probably more likely to get pregnant and also it buys you some time age wise so maybe takes the pressure off a bit? I was in a complete panic earlier this year (I’m 43) and now using donor embryos which took me a while to make peace with but I feel better now I’m not relying on my old eggs to work!

Perhaps go to your gp and get them to check all your bloods and talk through your concerns. You can then make sure there is nothing physically wrong and give yourself piece of mind. Perhaps get a mental health referral for some counselling also?

Then think about work and what you want to do and what would make you happy and go for it.

The IVF can come after you get yourself in a better spot. You have time, it’s not the end xx

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to TeddyBear5]

Thank you so much. I think donor eggs are my next step. You hit the nail on the head with feeling like things are out of control.

I don't find my gp helpful at all - unless I am death's door they don't seem to want to do anything at all. The last time I went with some concerns they told me I could go to A&E if I get to the point I am doubled over in pain.

I am having some private cou counselling though. It is a slow process, but hopefully I will get there.

Are you using donor eggs in the UK? I have been looking abroad due to the cosy, but any advise would be gratefully received.

[Eggfreezer2015]

I cried a lot after my failed IVF transfers and I think it’s a combo of the meds, grieving for the loss and hope. Before I went for another cycle, I did give myself a 3 month break to get myself in a better place mentally. I was also doing this a single mum to be so totally relate.

My advice to you is to tackle one thing at a time, or becomes too much. Allow yourself some non-guilty downtime for self-care and compassion, then perhaps start with the job as that will finance your IVF. Lots of companies financial year start in Q1 and Q2 so hopefully there will be lots of new opportunities compared to looking towards the of the year. You can also try and get some tests done at the same time if it feels manageable and hopefully things will start to fall into place… wish you all the best x

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

Good to know I am not the only one. It is difficult to unpack which feelings are coming from the life situation/hormones/grief.

I think I am finding it hard to balance the panic about my age, and knowing the time it can take to get a job. Then you need three months in post to qualify for any maternity pay. Which all means ivf trying could be delayed quite a lot while I run out of my biological clock. It is all getting wrapped up with grief and regret from not taking the job I was offered - which would have made my life a lot lot easier and also would have taken away another barrier to the ivf journey.

I am keeping my fingers crossed a job comes up - and I actually get some interviews - so I can stop kicking myself quite so much about the job I threw away.

[Eggfreezer2015 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Another option if it is possible for you financially is just to get your eggs out and freeze them, then complete the rest of the process once you have your job.

You can’t undo the past so don’t torture yourself, it cannot change the outcome and only serves to cause you more stress and aniexty. Focus on the here and now and what you can do…

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Eggfreezer2015]

I would do egg freezing but out of three rounds I only got 2 x 3BC embryos so not enough to freeze. The doctor was also concerned about them surviving the freezing/thawing process. My lack of success ad finances has made me wonder if it is worth me trying with my own eggs again, or if I should move to donor eggs. As a single person it does feel weird to take that step though, as already using donor sperm.

I also really really like my doctor (I have been having my treatment in Bulgaria as it is so much cheaper) but don't think the embriologist is very good, so think I need to find a different clinic elsewhere.

[Eggfreezer2015 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

I’ve messaged you my clinic in London if you want to explore other options.

[Doodlebug23]

Hi, just popped up to say you’re not alone. I had a really rough year this year with relationship ending (badly - loooooong story… but basically he got his ex pregnant), stressful job (which I am thankful for), resources drained after 5 failed transfers, I could go on…. So whilst my story is also shite just know you aren’t alone and any time you need to rant etc feel free to message me!

Where are you on your journey? I jumped straight in with DE to get on my refund program (too old for OE) so not had egg retrievals to deal with or the other worries about using older eggs (donor is 22). I’m still 5 transfers down in the past year which is crap and making me doubt this is ever going to work. But. We got this right?! 💪🏻

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Doodlebug23]

Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry to hear about your relationship - that sounds awful.

I wanted to try with my own eggs. For some silly reason I thought I would get pregnant easily (from a very fertile family), but then three rounds later plus adenomyosis and low egg quality and donor egg feels like it might be the only at forward. It feels funny having donor egg and donor sperm, but I am beginning to wrap my head around it.

Are you doing DE in the UK? It is so daunting - the journey, the cost, the chances...

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

I had a miscarriage (natural conception) at 38 then one round on NHS with an ex when I was 42 (he had low sperm count). 3 eggs and 2 blasts - both transferred - BFN. I also tried naturally with my recent ex for 7 months with no luck so I suppose that was my tried with OE.

Not sure why but DE and doner sperm never really bothered me. It’s really important for me to carry the baby. So the idea of a surrogate would really bother me. I spoke to my clinic yesterday and he said that he can’t remember the last time they had to refund someone on my programme, so that’s really boosted my positivity!

My clinic is in Spain. UK was never a consideration for me. My first choice was Czech Republic but they don’t treat singles. I went straight for the refund programme and I’m 💯 happy with my clinic. X

[Twiglet2]

aww lovely I can feel the stress and sadness in your words. The hormones leaving your body and being a bit messed up for a month or 2 can really affect how extreme our emotions are BUT that aside remember there is nothing wrong with crying and perhaps you are actually starting to acknowledge some emotions you’ve buried is why the tears are so close to the surface? To quote friends ‘tears are good they let the boo hoos out!’ Xx

Having less clots in your periods isn’t a sign I’ve ever read as a bad thing or symptom of menopause it’s probably just that you’ve had a big bleed and now you dont clot as easily for a while, it’s happened to me on blood thinners before. Have you got any regular impartial person to talk to to like the clinic counselling or your own external one? That might be helpful if not, even for a wee while? Other things that help me is walks outside (no matter the weather!), planning nice things for myself and the mindful IVF app.

The thought of your fixed term contract ending must be scary! Remember though August is a long way off so plenty of time to find that job when the market opens back up in the new year 🤗 you are strong enough to get through 3 rounds of IVF on your own you are strong enough to do this 💪🏼💜

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you. I think the crying is just making me feel even more out of control when I am used to being able to regulate myself more. The job thing has also become a massive trauma - not just because I have made my career go off track and it is the one thing in my life I had going for me - but because now it is causing such an issue moving forward with the ivf.

It is so good having support here. I don't know what I would do without this. I don't feel like I have a lot of support around so knowing there are people who understand is amazing. Thank you. I am also going to try and panic less about every little change and symptom. This ivf journey is tough!!!

[WillowPark]

Hi Dogbiscuits28 . I am absolutely not a crier. My friends used to joke I am made of steel. I was the one they could depend on to hold it all together in the most stressful/difficult situations. This year however... I don't know what causes it. I presume it is grief for the life I'm not leading, stress from the day to day toil of IVF, emotional turmoil from, well, everything and the hormones messing with my system and resilience. Whatever it is, know you aren't alone. After my last failed transfer I had a day at home alone putting up my Christmas decorations and just decided I was going to stop trying to stop the tears. There was me just wandering around wrapping things in tinsel singing Step Into Christmas and sobbing 🤣 You get better days, weeks and months and worse ones so just go with it and know when the tears are flowing it is 100% justified x

[Dogbiscuits28 in reply to WillowPark]

Thank you. I feel myself welling up all the time and the barriers all seem to have disappeared. Everything is very overwhelming, and even one unsettling thought seems to be enough to upset the apple cart. It is good to know I am not alone. Hopefully 2024 will be better for both of us. Xx

[Doodlebug23 in reply to Dogbiscuits28]

Something you just said there reminded me of the mental health training I had a work. Rather than an apple cart it was a bucket. So whilst you can cope with lots of things your bucket can only get so full before it overflows. Google the stress bucket. It really made sense to me and may help you x

[Twiglet2 in reply to Doodlebug23]

great shout! I love the stress bucket too! My sister uses this really successfully to help with her anxiety as well xx

[Apricottree]

So sorry to hear of the tough time you're going through. I was coping quite well with Christmas but since then I've become ill with what I think is covid (symptoms and stuck in an office with someone whoes now tested positive)and panicking ive given it to my elderly frail father. Then had a gynae appointment at hospital todag and been told there's nothing more surgically they can do for my endo and adeno so been discharged 'until I need a hysterectomy' was how it was put. I'm a mess now and feeling so hopeless. Such a contrast to how I was a few days ago and been very hormonal with feelings of out of control-ness. Weve pumped so many drugs into our bodies think it does take a while to flush out again. Due my next ive cycle but now with covid I'm freaking out about that having a negative impact. I think you did the right thing at the time when deciding about the job and hoping you will find something better. Sending love and hugs to you xxx