Hi ladies, please forgive what is going to be a 'pity party' type post I am so fed up with everything in general...why can't life just leave us the hell alone?? I was just starting to get back on my feet and feel positive after months of depression last year, for which I sought counselling. I really felt that it helped me and allowed me to focus my mind and make some decisions regarding my future fertility treatment.
I am booked for DE IVF next month, something that has cost my husband and I all our savings. I know many of you will understand what a costly process IVF is, even doing it abroad. Well, we are one month away and instead of being excited and full of anticipation, I am trying to support a husband with severe depression.
He has valiantly kept his business going all through the recession, but ironically, has just had 2 of the worst months financially that he can recall. One more month like it and he will have to close his business. I don't know what we will do. He is my entire world, when he hurts, I hurt. Seeing him under so much destructive stress is killing me inside...I cannot help him and I cannot magic business out of nowhere. He is hard-working, honest and fantastically talented at his career, but for what? No one cares. He is so fragile at the moment, I am ill with worry over him and our future. Any treatment under these conditions is bound to fail...
Add to this the massive amounts of stress I have been under at work (I adore my job but it is full-on) and we are both crumbling. Why? Why must everything be so sodding difficult?? When can we just relax in life and focus on acquiring the baby that we have longed for for so long?
I do apologise for this long-winded moan but I am feeling like I am about to hit rock bottom again after clawing my way out of the isolation and despair that infertility has caused. I am feeling numb, yet totally terrified.
The timing could literally not be worse...I am crying as I write this. Feel like our only chance is doomed!! 😢 Can anyone please make me feel like my world is not going to hell in a handbasket???