Any teachers going through IVF?

[Bookloverblue]

Hi everyone, I've just started on the first day of my stimulation injections; taking gonal-F (which hurt a lot more than my buserelin!). Are there any fellow teachers who did a cycle whilst at work? I've had a few appointments already that I've had to take time out for but feeling a bit worried about the time I'll need off for egg retrieval etc (fingers crossed). I can't just ask for annual leave and am not telling anyone that I'm going through treatment. Anyone else been in this situation and can you offer any advice please? So far I've just said I have some 'health things'. I'm wondering if I should get a doctor's note? Once you knew when your egg retrieval was did you book it off or see how you felt on the day? Help! Thank you!

[Livinginoz]

Hi! I’m a teacher, just waiting to start IVF (literally any time now!). I’ve been honest with my HT and they’ve been extremely supportive and discrete, have told me to take any leave requests directly to them and they will sort it. I wonder if that might be a helpful thing to do too? Although I appreciate every school isn’t the same 🙂 good luck! X

[Bookloverblue in reply to Livinginoz]

Ah good luck to you as well! That's amazing, how wonderful that they're already being so supportive ♥️ I'm a new teacher and the headteacher is male (not that that should matter, but also...?!) and I haven't wanted to tell them I'm deliberately trying to get pregnant when I've just started, but also weighing up whether that will ultimately be less stressful. So hard to know! Thank you for your reply x

[Livinginoz in reply to Bookloverblue]

My HT is male 🙂 I truly feel that honesty is the best way to go. If they know they can support you in anyway they can, if they don’t know then they can’t help! Xx

[Ajtart]

Yes. I did 5 cycles and I'm a teacher. Best advice is to be honest with your headteacher. Is there anything in your policy about IVF? All appointments should be given. The only time I needed more time off was the day of and day after egg collection but obviously depends on each person. I did long protocol and could book in dates so I tried to choose egg collection/transfers around half terms. Hope this helps x

[Bookloverblue in reply to Ajtart]

Thanks, I don't think there is anything in the policy about IVF which is why I've been a bit stuck on what to do. The added complication is that I'm a new teacher and I am worried about how it will look if I tell the HT I'm trying to get pregnant. It's not an ideal time to start but then it never will be will it! That is really helpful though, thank you x

[FindingFertility]

Hi I'm also a teacher and about to start my first stimulation injections tomorrow!

I only told my HT and told her I don't want anyone else to know - all appointments are agreed (and paid as it's in the policy - I'm very sure it'd be in yours too). I asked for a meeting with her to talk it all through and explained how the medications could affect me, and also that stress can have an impact on the outcome so if my round doesn't work I need to know that work stress wasn't a factor. We discussed 'reasonable adjustments' to put in place that could help me manage during this time. I feel really supported after doing this and I'm so relieved I did it.

As teachers we're so used to planning life around working dedicating ourselves to it, but please try and put yourself first now - this is the most important thing right now, you don't want to have any regrets and you need to know you gave it your all.

I would recommend sending an email and asking for a meeting, chatting it through then (I would recommend asking if you could discuss 'reasonable adjustments' to support you, as this term is important and something work places should to offer people in significant situations). After your meeting, you could follow it up with another email thanking them and going over what was discussed (then you have a paper trail and it's more formal).

I know it's scary and we are so used to managing intense pressure on our own every day, but you can't be expected to carry on as normal, this is a big deal and you deserve all the support you can get.

Wishing you so much luck and happy to chat through anything else

Xxx

[Bookloverblue in reply to FindingFertility]

Oh good luck!!! I put an ice pack on my thigh this morning before injecting and that really helped with any discomfort.That sounds absolutely amazing. I think I'm really worried about telling anyone because I'm a new teacher and I'm concerned that it will look really bad. You're so right though, this is *so* important and there'll never be a 'good time' to try which I perhaps need to get across to my HT if I do say anything.

Thank you so much though, this is such amazing advice and I really, really appreciate you taking the time to write it all out ♥️ wishing you all the luck in the world!xxxx

[FindingFertility in reply to Bookloverblue]

Ooo thanks I will try the ice tomorrow!Yes that sounds good to get that across to your HT and just be honest.

Keep putting yourself first xxx

[Bookloverblue in reply to FindingFertility]

Thank you ❤️❤️ and yes, the ice worked! I hadn't really had any pain with buserelin until the last couple of days and then found the gonal f last night REALLY hurt haha, but ice sorted it out completely 😊 You too!xxx

[Dinobaby05]

Hello! Fellow teacher here too! I would also recommend telling your HT as IVF is unpredictable and affects everyone differently and you don’t want the added stress of trying to think of excuses etc to hide all of your appointments and procedures. I needed the most time off for my egg retrieval as I was really unwell after it due to developing OHSS and I ended up needing 6 school days off. This was covered under medical procedure/illness. In the week before the transfer, I had a scan every second day and needed to take mornings off to get to the clinic on time etc so again difficult to explain. I ended up having to freeze all and I took a few days off after my transfer to ensure I wasn’t extra stressed during the implantation period and this was also put down as medical. My council has an IVF policy which states you are allowed the time off but it should be unpaid!! But there are ways around this if you state medical reasons, i.e sickness, stress, procedures. I also needed time off when the transfer failed due to the emotional toll it took on me. My second transfer was during the Oct break and so didn’t impact as much. It’s also the one that worked and I do think this was because I didn’t have to worry about organising cover or responding to emails!! Happy to DM if you like. Wishing you all the best with your egg retrieval!! Xx

[Bookloverblue in reply to Dinobaby05]

Hello!! Thanks yes you are so right, I'm just trying to weigh up what will be the least stressful situation at the moment! Poor, poor you having OHSS that must have been horrendous It's a good reminder too actually that I don't know what will happen and that I might end up needing to take even more time off if I develop OHSS. My worry is that as I'm a new teacher (a far from ideal time to start IVF but is there ever a good time?!) that it will look really bad, but I'm wondering if the stress of it being a secret will take more of a toll on my mental well-being. I perhaps might see how I manage my emotions on this stimulation phase as to whether I need to tell someone for my own sanity...! Thank you so much for your reply, and so pleased it worked for you! ❤️❤️

[Dinobaby05 in reply to Bookloverblue]

I also had just started at my new school and it was a promoted post so I felt a lot of pressure to not take I’m off but ultimately you have to put yourself first and everyone will understand that. My HT is also male but in some ways I found that easier as he doesn’t tend to ask any questions for fear of putting his foot in it!!! See how you feel with the stims but try not to stress about this and do what’s right for you!! Good luck! ❤️

[Silva2]

Hey,

I’m a fellow teacher. I have been through four rounds of IVF. When I did my egg retrieval round I was very open with my leadership and took additional time off after retrieval and definitely after transfer. I put the IVF first and it resulted in me having my daughter. Now going for baby two and I’m open and honest with my new headteacher and he is very very supportive. If you feel you have a trusting relationship with your SLT tell them. If not, disclose as much as you feel comfortable with.

[Bookloverblue in reply to Silva2]

Hi, thank you so much. I'm so happy for you and that you have a lovely daughter! ❤️ My problem is that as I'm new and as the headteacher is male I don't really feel comfortable sharing this with them, I'm really worried about how it will make me look (trying to get pregnant just after I've started). It's really hard decision to weigh up, but this is helpful to hear that there are supportive heads and senior leadership out there. All the luck in the world for baby two ❤️

[TTCIVF]

hi, not a teacher, but noticed you’re a little more concerned as you’re new and worried how it may come across. I started a 2nd round of IVF as soon as I had just started a new job. I was also worried that they may think id be pregnant when I’ve just started but they were actually so so supportive and still are. It’s not been successful for me yet, so I still worry when going for another round etc as I’ve been going abroad- but they’re always pushing me to put my personal life first as it’s super important.

Also to remember, you don’t start IVF the month after you think you’re ready for family planning- prior to IVF there’s normally atleast a year or two of trying naturally, etc- which hopefully your management will understand

[Bookloverblue in reply to TTCIVF]

Thanks so much for this reply, in the end I told my line manager once egg retrieval was booked and they were really understanding. I also hadn't thought about the fact that this is an ongoing process and not something I exactly planned, which they understood too! Thank you x

[Cuppppatea]

Hi,

I am a teacher too, I resigned from my perm job just before I was told it was my turn for IVF, I ended up doing egg collection early September when I was ‘unemployed’.

After egg collection you can not go to work same day - and I felt dodgy for a couple of days following - I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to go to work. I didn’t want to deal with telling work dilemma so was happy to be unemployed at the time.

You could ‘have covid’ though …. Seriously ? Leaves you free for scans and to get lots of rest while you are stimming. I’m now long term supply and facing a similar issue as you for cycle two - my cycle has been delayed two months so I’ll be starting late jan. I was hoping to push for perm employment by jan but don’t feel confident knowing I’ll potentially be off as they are new drugs I don’t know how I will feel. I’ll be expected to set cover no doubt 😂Wondering if I should tell the head too… I don’t know her that well and I feel like the prospect of employing someone who is potentially going to be off on maternity isn’t that attractive.

[Bookloverblue in reply to Cuppppatea]

It's really stressful isn't it, with the added guilt of it being 'planned' and essentially having to let a new employer know you're trying to conceive - something you usually wouldn't publicise until much further down the line! In the end I did tell my line manager, the stress of not telling them outweighed the stress of telling them haha. Having 'covid' is a good idea but I was just too paranoid that I'd then end up actually getting it 🤣 I'd say for a new employer that it's your business and to only tell them when you absolutely need to. You might feel completely fine with different drugs, you never know!

[Lenley81]

I’m a teacher too & currently midway through my second cycle. My head & deputy have been incredibly supportive & allowed all the time off I’ve needed. I’ve actually told quite a few people at school as I’d rather they know exactly what’s going on & not speculate as to why I’m not there. With my first cycle, I barely took any time off as it was the end of the school year & I wanted to be there (as a year 6 teacher sending my class off to secondary school). I didn’t want to miss leavers services, school productions & all the things I’d put so much time into. I had the day of retrieval off & then I was back in the following day. Transfer happened on a Saturday & I was back in on the Monday. This time, I think I might take a bit more time off…..although Christmas fairs/services etc might get in the way of that. Despite being told by my head & deputy to take time off, I find it really hard not to miss out on the nicer side of school things. Just going to cross the bridge when I come to it I think. Sometimes I find it more stressful NOT being at school.

[Bookloverblue in reply to Lenley81]

I totally agree with missing the nice school things, it's a bit disappointing isn't it! I know what you mean re feeling stressed *not* being at school, I'm just trying hard to put myself first and to remember that in the grand scheme of things a few missed days really doesn't matter. It is hard though, so glad you have a supportive head ♥️

[Jomo27]

hello, I too work in a school and I hear you! It is inevitable my lovely that you will have to tell someone just for your own sanity as that is a lot of pressure on you and added worry, just if you tell your head teacher as you will need time off for appointments and definitely after the egg retrieval as you are put under in that procedure and will need time after for rest.

I know you say your new but my lovely you have the job now and join a union they can’t do anything to you if anything they should support you and all appointments should be paid under medical circumstances, don’t feel bad this is a lot for you and you need all the support you can get and I think telling work would help a little to ease a bit of worry as they might have understanding why you need time off and the effects of medications and so fourth.

Good luck and I know it’s hard but put yourself first xxxxxxxxxx

[Bookloverblue in reply to Jomo27]

Thanks so much, for my own sanity I did tell my line manager in the end. Thank you so so much ♥️ have decided I won't be a martyr for the job!xxxxxx

[Jomo27 in reply to Bookloverblue]

Well done I am glad, definitely got to put your own needs first now more then ever! X