I've not even tried donor eggs yet and I have already assumed they won't work. Does this resonate with anyone else who has had a long and complex journey?
Feeling like there are just too many hurdles with my complex history.
And I can see the defeatist attitude coming out e.g. I've pretty much given up on healthy eating when I was really commited to it before. Plus my decision making is very compromised. I still can't decide on a donor clinic. There's always something that is not quite right. Was this how it was for others? Also I am normally one who will talk to my husband a lot about it all but feeling withdrawn about it right now.
I am a bit of a broken record as I've said similar things before I think.
But always appreciate your advice and guidance and hearing from those that can relate.
X x
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Skittles11
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🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️🙋🏻♀️ currently day 5 of a FET cycle - will be transferring later in the month. Feel like it’s just a really expensive sadist hobby at this point 🫤 but what else do you do
And the Pringles I’ve eaten watching selling sunset this afternoon should tell you everything you need to know about my healthy eating commitments at this point 🤣
I am at the same point as you right now. In both respects. Started estrogen a few days ago and scan 13th. I’ve had 3 BFN and a chemical. I 💯 feel how you do about this being an expensive unrewarding hobby!! I now almost feel like it’s just something I keep putting myself through for the fun of it 😩 x
Ahhh doodle I’ve been following your story. Fingers crossed this is your lucky embryo & you’ve just been on the wrong side of the ivf odds. I’m so sick of estrogen pills 😩 😩 and nearly forgot my cetrotide last night! Can’t wait to be done with this FET.
Ohhh have you! I’ve found posting and reading posts on here and exchanging messages has really helped me. My clinic keep saying it’s a numbers game but when is it my turn for my number to come up!!! What number transfer will this be for you? Maybe we will transfer on the same day!! The meds I think I am just used to continuously being on them now and used to being a fat bloated mess! 🙈Saying that I have to keep a pessary and a wet wipe next to the bed cause when I forget it before getting in bed it really pisses me off if I have to get up 😂 x
😢 the journey is soooo hard I felt exactly the same our journey felt like it was going on forever. We didn’t have the problem of picking a donor clinic coz we stuck with the same one throughout. But I definately got all excited that donor eggs would work first time. 🤦♀️ I just became deflated and kind of gave up. The one that worked I had been probably my most unhealthiest food wise coz I just didn’t care. I think we put too much preassure on ourselves to be perfect. I hope your ok xxx
hi Skittles, totally natural to feel like that after your difficult journey so far but I’ve read lots of positive stories with people going down the DE route and it’s definitely something I was up for considering if I didn’t get success with my OE.
Obviously a very personal choice and no one can make it but you. If you think you’ve got some fight left in you it could bring a new lease of hope you need!
There have definitely been so many lovely donor egg stories on here that are massively inspiring. I hope it will eventually bring a new lease of hope for me, at the moment it feels like pregnancy and live birth is something that only happens for other people. Think I'm temporarily out of fight like I am just going through the motions but maybe the fighting spirit will return x thanks for your reply
Yep this totally resonates. Had my 7th transfer on Tuesday, another "beautiful" hatching euploid embryo, I came home to a friend's pregnancy announcement and spent the whole evening and following day crying as I just know it hasn't worked. It's so hard to stay positive when you've had so many failures behind you
Oh gosh, well I'm wishing you lots of luck to get through these 2 weeks and with some good news at the other side. Definitely so hard to stay hopeful with so much baggage and negative tests and unpredictable barriers xx
Yep sounds like me. 6 transfers/9 cycles and considering stopping becausing I don’t think it’ll ever worked. I’ve also put on 3 kilos in 2 weeks from all the junk food I’ve ate since our last failed cycle. I definitely understand what you’re going through - inbox is always open if you want to chat any time x
Yes... totally get this. I still feel scarred from assuming my first round of OE ivf would be successful!! How wrong were we!! After 5 rounds of OE moved to DE. I then started hearing about people undertaking 4 or 5 DE transfers and went into a bit of a doom loop. I gave up on healthy eating too so put on quite a bit of weight (i also blame ivf drugs) so i was at my heaviest with our DE trf. After purchasing a large batch (10 eggs) and they all defrosted and 8 fertilised we were a bit gutted to only get 2 blastocysts. So you can imagine our surprise when one finally implanted. Just got to 24w so still got a journey to go. I think my conclusion is that whilst DE have much better odds its still ivf and there's a chance it won't work first time but I think as the odds are better you wouldn't need as many rounds hopefully. I can't give any advice on getting out of the doom loop, knowing we had DE as an option during oe ivf was comforting to know that there was another option but DE was our end of the road so I did start to plan what life without children would look like (looking at places to buy on a greek island took up some time!) I always felt i needed to know what was next. Have you looked at Pathways to Parenthood? There's lots of people with similar experiences and can give advice on clinics. Good luck with your journey and totally normal to feel the way you do.
Thank you for your reply and sharing what happened to you through your journey. It sounds like it was gruelling. Amazing getting to 24 weeks, wishing you well for the reminder of the pregnancy. Do you mind me asking, when you moved to donor eggs was it thought to be mainly an egg issue or was there thought to be other issues for example immune issues or endometriosis?
I am the same and always like to know what's next. I think that's one of the reasons I'm struggling is that after DE I think that will be the end of the road for us in our quest. I have looked at Paths to Parenthub but haven't joined yet. I did go to a DE event recently though which was extremely helpful and enlightening. Xx
Hello, I think primarily it was an egg issue, on my last ivf OE round I was 40yr. We only managed to get 1 or 2 blastocysts, nothing ever good enough to freeze so my consultant said we could carry on indefinitely and we might just get lucky or to start thinking about DEs. My clinic suggested seeing Pr Brosens at the recurring implantation failure clinic and were happy to take his advice to try sitagliptin so I was on that for my successful first round with DEs. It is hard to isolate the positive factor in my DE round...was it just the better quality egg or was it the sitagliptin?! The sitagliptin was for womb lining and has had success with people who have suffered multiple miscarriages so he is trialling it with multiple implantation failure where he picks something up in the womb lining biopsy. My donor was nearly 31yr old so not super super young! Very hard to know what went right. Good luck! X
sorry to hear so many women struggle in the fertility journey. I was struggling after 7 failed rounds of ivf and a huge loan for me to pay them until I chose to travel abroad (greece) and find a clinic that is not considering only for their bank accounts! So I succeeded with them at 44 with low amy naturally! I did hysto , ovarian prp and natural cycle! In every step i had a different feeling than the uk , the hysto i saw after in video was a work of art( cleaning everything and also make some scratches for regeneration) . Prp was also new to me never heard it on Uk and after reading for it and the embryology explained is the future of pre ivf procedures!
I learned alot from tat clinic i feel them like part of family but the most important they gave me hope and power to continue!
I hope every woman to reach the end with success to may the most stressful journey to create a family !
Thank you, this sounds like you feel really positive about your experience. Yes I don't think UK seem to do the PRP, seems to be only something which can be done abroad x
I haven’t been through the former part of your journey as I went straight away with DE. I thought DE was almost a guarantee it would work pretty quick. As you know, it hasn’t….
Would it help to try and see your DE journey as a completely new journey? I know you can’t just forget the past few years but maybe drawing a line under it would help bring some positivity back?
I would definitely recommend a clinic abroad and a refund guarantee programme. For me the programme has just taken away part of the worry both financially and in terms of what to do next.
You have been so positive and reassuring with me so come on flip that back on yourself! We can do this!! 💪🏻
It's funny, I find it really difficult to flip back the positivity and reassuring attitude on myself. It's like when they say you wouldn't say these things to your friend but you say them internally to yourself. Totally understandable the assumption that DE would work quickly, I think that's part of the difficulty that so much hope is placed and the disappointment is huge. I think my mind has gone into protection mode that I can't cope with any more suffering if it was to fail and that I think is why I am having these struggles xx
Totally understand what you mean. I’m never great at following my own advice! I’m the same, I think the worst do that when it happens I haven’t got so far to fall… x
Hi Skittles I’m so sorry that you’re having such a tough ride on this journey. Perhaps it would be good for you to take a little break from it, pamper yourself and regain strength and then come back to give it another try with a clearer mind? I’m sure many ladies in here will have more science backed ideas on what’s has worked for them with DE. Wishing you all the best of luck and sending love your way xxx
Thank you for your support. I am planning a couple of weeks away. It's tough because even on holiday this is never far from my mind but there will be plenty of distractions so at least it will be not on my mind 24/ 7. Xx
I felt like I was just going through the motions, ticking the ‘well I tried’ boxes, that it was never going to work. Especially after DE trf 3 (over all attempt 9 after OE and IUI.) DE trf 3 was a BFN. DE trf 1 was a chemical and DE trf 2 was a miscarriage picked up at 9 week scan…. but to go from something to nothing on the third trf. Just felt hopeless. De trf 4, I wasn’t healthy, like I said just felt like I was going through the motions. I had that one and three other Frosties left and it felt like I had to try them, that I couldn’t give up because they were there, so there was some chance, but that it was never going to work, but if I didn’t I’d regret it. The feelings conflict and i flipped between it might work, and it won’t work and then contemplating it not working was like staring into darkness. Just a whole pile of nothingness.
It’s tough. I have an amazing therapist who I’ve been seeing since before IVF and I could not do this without having that person to talk to. If you can’t talk to your husband right now please find someone to talk to. Obviously we are all here but sometimes having that one person in a space and and time dedicated to you, where you can say absolutely anything (again and again if needed) really helps with this journey.
Hi Skittles11, I'm so sorry for all you've been through and it must be so hard moving to donor eggs. My friend has multiple cycles of IVF that didn't work and because of her age and low AMH moved on to donor egg and now has a beautiful baby girl. I know it's so hard but it can work. Sending you hugs xxx
Do you think there is still a part of you that doesn't want to believe you have to do DE?! I'm only asking as this was how it felt for me.....however I knew the odds I was given was rubbish and I knew I wanted to progress. I suppose I kept pushing even although I had a few niggling doubts. My turning point was when we got the news about our amazing quality embryos when I'd had a poor set with my OE. It's hard, I know it is lovely.....hopefully you can come around with your thinking but most importantly your heart! Massive love and hugs.xxx
hi Skittles. I’ve been there many times. We were TTC for 6 years of which 3 years were with IVF. Our 9th IVF transfer was a success and I gave birth to our gorgeous daughter who is 2 now, we had 2 frozen embryos left which resulted in my lovely twins being born who are now 10 months. If someone told me 3 years ago that I would be a mum of 3 I wouldn’t have believed them.
A few things that I’ve learnt and believe made a difference include:
- “it starts with an egg” this book had loads of helpful advice.
- “is your body baby friendly” brilliant book covers how immune system plays a part in our bodies accepting or rejecting embryos
- for the last two transfers I took steroids and metformin and I believe that was the reason why the last two goes worked. This is because my immune system wasn’t too overactive and thus didn’t reject embryos.
Have thought of speaking to a counsellor? Not necessarily fertility counselling but someone to help you deal with all these feelings.
Just starting on DE process. I feel defeated too. That's the exact word I used -without reading your post-to talk about how I feel.
There might be some glimpses of hope when I am thinking that maybe the culprit have been my crappy eggs and switching to donor will help but the negativity always returns.
In the past it has helped me to pause things on the fertility front and focus on other things that are important to me and in life. Maybe that's what you need. It doesn't need to be a long pause but even a few weeks where you force yourself to do something else other than planning deciding anything related to treatment.
Your post really resonates with me. We did 6 rounds of IVF with OE and got 12 embryos, 10 were complex abnormal, 2 abnormal- it was devastating and I really didn’t want to move to DE but we decided to do so.
I actually assumed DE would work straightaway and went with London Egg Bank as I’d read someone’s story on Instagram and she’d had success with them.
After two failed transfers with DE I was sent to implantation clinic for an endometrial biopsy. During that cycle and summer I didn’t eat great, drank wine, but I just put IVF out of my mind and resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to continue with it for months whilst waiting for the test results.
They didn’t find anything, so we jumped straight into another transfer and that has now worked so far, currently 7 weeks - but I really didn’t expect it to work again. We just kept going through the motions. I think having the time out from it all really helped me xx maybe some time out to do what you like for a while, then come back fresh and with new energy could help? x wishing you strength to get through this x
So sorry that you are feeling defeated Skittles but you're definitely not alone. With most things in life if you try enough you succeed. IVF does not seem to follow that logic, however, I do believe there is always hope.
I'm definitely feeling defeated now. The time of year doesn't help. I stood in a shop this weekend starting some Christmas shopping thinking I wouldn't want to do it in December after anticipating another fail (crying at the song "when a child is born" ) Sometimes I feel this way, other times I feel better.
I'm waffling. You are strong. Take good care and treat yourself -you deserve itxxxx
I know that feeling. But just here to say donor embryos overseas worked straight away, no more heart ache and much less money! Good luck😁 where there is your will, you will find a way
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Do my feelings matter? 
Feeling absolutely crushed, exhausted and very much alone right now
BFN feeling cheated and sad !!!
Hate feeling like this 😟 feel like I'm losing it 
