I am having a hard time getting on with things. I am supposed to wait for a scan at the end of this week, but I can't even get it together to schedule one. I am still taking my medications of course. But after finding out that things were not going well according to my doctor on Friday evening, I have been paralyzed. I spent the weekend sleeping and watching telly and barely got out of bed. I feel like my pregnancy symptoms have lessened (sensitivity to smells, nausea, etc) and I just know that this is going to be another loss. I feel like I just can't face it. But I have all this important stuff I need to do. I can't just check out and do nothing.
Anyone else paralyzed in this way, and how did you get past it?
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LuxFleur
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hi LuxFleur, it’s hard but you are a brave, strong women - I saw your bio and can totally see that you have come so far - stay the course ! I don’t know about you but I’m better outdoors - if it’s safe (and hopefully sunny), maybe go for a walk - I love parks, nature and water so if maybe you can find somewhere you feel grounded - Breathe deeply, hold for a few seconds and breathe out; repeat. Positive vibes all the way, best wishes
You know, in all my failled FETs, I used to follow all instructions over being out of bed and excersice and stuff like that. But in the only one that worked I broke my foot and got covid, so the only thing I could do is watch tv, as I could not work (my job is very stressing). I kept watching silly comedies and lauging (while feeling badly)...for days, and it worked.Try to do something you like, or just lie down as you can or if you want to. Sometimes work does not allow it, but is there the chance of you taking a couple days off so you can get some me time?
We are not perfect, some days we can't be hyperefficient. Whatever will happen, will happen. Just keep taking your medicines, and try to distract yourself with somrthing silly or with a handcraft or baking something.
just wanted to say try to be kind to yourself. The kind of overwhelm you are describing is completely normal for what you have been through. One of the things I’ve been realising recently is that I’ve been through a lot of trauma through our IVF journey and sometimes we feel pressure to minimise what we’ve been through and just crack on with life and function as if we’re not dealing with the impacts of it all. You’re not alone and it won’t always feel like this, but if you need to fall apart for a while that’s ok too and it doesn’t mean you are broken xx
Try to do things automatically. Even if you don't feel like it, do it anyway. You can start with booking the appointment. Then you can ask them to recommend a therapist for you. That may be of help.
I’ve been reading your posts and thinking about you every day. I’m so sorry you are going through this and I wish I had some magic solution to get you through this.
This is out of your control, all you can do it is your best…taking your meds and taking each day as it comes. I know it’s not easy and it’s absolute mental torture.
I'm sorry to say this but it will be impossible for your brain to do anything other than what you describe. What you are going through is beyond difficult and I am sure that everyone who has been in the same position will say they felt the same. Your brain is in survival mode because you are feeling so much stress. It has switched off all other functions to focus on just surviving through the day. At every pregnancy I felt exactly the same- I split the day in to barely manageable chunks especially around toilet visits (which were especially stressful). If I made it to the night I tried to be happy at another day pregnant (rather than dreading the next day). This sounds stupid but if you know the children's story: the bear hunt. Some children looking for a bear come across mud, grass and a river and say: we can't go under it- we can't go over it- we got to go through it... This became my motto: If I wanted a baby I had to go through this impossible difficult time- even if it didn't work I had to try. I kept repeating this to myself while trying to just get through the days being exceptionally kind to myself. I didn't do much visible to other people- but internally I did absolutely huge amount of work. I was surviving during a time my brain was screaming with uncertainty, dread and panic. And with the last and successful pregnancy I was convinced it didn't work and doctors were extremely negative about my chances. For me it highlighted that I couldn't trust my feelings or instinct- both were completely wrong. Take care. I wish you all the luck in the world xxx
i hate to say this but I felt this way almost my entire pregnancy. Until the day sge was in my arms. And even after. I had terrible loss like you before my daughter. Although it’s impossible, try to be positive. I think your numbers were fine and i Also think your doctor was an idiot to make you worry when neither of you will know for sure until scan.
Hi Luxfleur, you really gave me some good advice the other day and I wanted to return the love. How can this all not be awful and sad? I don't think there's any way but through. However, if there are important things you need to do right now, gather all your strength and sit down with a pen and paper and make a list. Then mark the tasks that are more urgent, the ones that need to be done today and the ones that can wait. Focus on one or two things that need to be done today and then give yourself the rest of the day to do whatever it is you need to make it through the day. Be kind to yourself. You are doing your best.
Dear LuxFleur, I can’t imagine what you’re going through at the moment. I’ve never had a positive throughout this journey but having it and then losing it, I don’t know how I would cope. Except that we all have to cope and get through these difficult times getting strength from God knows where. All I can say is be kind to yourself. Don’t feel bad for not being able to to do what you feel like you need to do. Also, don’t forget to ask for help. Can your SO help with some of the tasks for example booking the appointment? I really hope it all works out for you and sending you a big hug!
oh I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! I think the state of paralysis reflects the state of limbo you’re in. You don’t know for sure c that everything is ok and the fear and worry is paralysing. Personally the Hcg seems to be rising well so I’m not sure why your doctor was worried. It should be doubling every 48-72 hours initially but it does start to slow down. Plus it’s not an exact science. Our bodies will file patterns but not numbers exactly. I also think it was a positive that the scan showed is not ectopic and the sac. As others have said, it’s too early to see anything else!
Are you able to take some time off? I think at the moment, you could do with just focusing on you. Doing things to relax - go for nice walks, watch tv or read a book. If you’re paralysed, trying to force yourself to do work related things might be too hard. In terms of booking the scan, try to see that as setting your timeline - how long you have to wait. Also book sooner than later as they get booked up quickly!
I really hope this is the lucky, sticky one for you. I think it’s so hard and you’re doing amazing
Unfortunately I can't take any time off. Not only do I have a big project that has to get finished, but I have to move apartments. It's a nightmare. Thank you though, I am trying to deal with these things as best I can under the circumstances.
oh that’s so hard! Do your work know about any of this? I confided in my line manager about my treatments, which meant I had a lot of support in the work place around my transfers. I know I’m one of the lucky ones though. I work for a university and they are super progressive. If I were in your position I’d try to break down my activity into small achievable tasks and work in 20-30 min time chunks. Might help with concentrating , knowing you can take a little break to worry/google/cry if you need to. Xx
In my experience, breaking down projects on parts does help when you have problems that make you unable to concentrate. Also, to have a strict schedule of "i will work until this hour" works for me. I am pretty workaholic, so I tend to overwork all the time. Then when I was anxious (usually regarding the fertility journey), it was difficult to do my work knowing that it would be endless, and I was sad and tired. Forcing myself to work, only made me more unproductive and tired. Giving me small batches with some pauses made me work (maybe not at the usual efficiency, but much more than I would in the cirumstances I was in).
You are doing very well, and you are managing really amazing.
Hey, I've been trying to catch up on everything with you. I'm really hoping you are wrong. I do think the Dr has worried you unnecessarily. It's hard when you are already doubting yourself then you have the Dr with his negativity. Stay strong sweetheart, symptoms can disappear....I honestly hardly had any which was hard for me with my previous history. Keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other....its all we can do. Wishing you tonnes of luck and sending hugs.xxx
Yes. I had a miscarriage, it was a shocking event. However, when I had my baby born i had amazing feelings. The issue is to find the reasons of miscarriage. How old are you and husband?
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