Fertility is a hard and lonely process.

[Zola20]

Hi everyone,

I just need to get out what I feel and I don't know where else I can.

Fertility is such a hard, lonely process.

We have been trying for 2.5years with no success. This month has been extremely hard for me as I was a couple days late and had been feeling sick all week and I let myself believe I was pregnant and of course I am not.

I also had my results back this week from the scan and blood test and my doctor said nothing looks wrong (which is great news) and to wait for my partners results back but if all is good for him then its unlikely they can do anything help and went on to explain to me how to 'make a baby' and ovulation like i'm an idiot. I'm sure he was trying to be helpful but I had never felt so small in my life.

I don't have anyone to speak to about this who understands how lonely and painful this whole process is. I cant stop crying this week and this is the lowest I have felt.

[AdoptedTOWIE]

Hi Zola20,

You're right - fertility struggles can be an incredibly hard, lonely place. It's a horrible little grief every month, especially if you let yourself hope sometimes. You are 100% not alone here - everyone on this forum understands what it feels like so you can always talk to people here.

My husband and I also have an uncertain diagnosis (one doctor said male factor, the other said unexplained infertility). It is completely wrong to say that they can't help - we are currently on our first round of IVF and hoping for that magic baby dust to work! Once you have all your results back, your GP will refer you on to a fertility / gynaecology consultant and then you will take things from there for further treatment.

It's really hard, but there are options, so keep going. I found talking with other women who had been going through fertility struggles really helped me as they understood.

Look after yourself x

[Zola20 in reply to AdoptedTOWIE]

Thank you for your kind words, I'm feeling a little better this evening. Good luck on your journey x

[CardiGrey]

Hi Zola20. As the other poster said, you are completely right to feel what you are feeling. Loneliness and grief go hand in hand with infertility. You must not be hard on yourself for having a little bit of hope and thinking that you might have been successful this month. We have all been through that and hope is definitely needed to get you through the difficulty of this journey. There are so many successful stories on here, and there are no reasons why it won’t be us sharing them when it’s our time. I hope that you can get some answers when your partner’s results are back. It might be possible that further testing is needed. Thinking of you and your partner x

[DogMum7]

Hey,I think you are in the right place as we have all felt like this for some time! I was incredibly lonely (and embarrassed) about my infertility and would also feel false hope every month. Firstly, you've done the right thing by reaching out. Secondly, make sure you're doing things for you (TTC can take over your life) nice walks, gym, dinners etc. I find being busy helps me a lot. Having two jobs helps me keep busy 🤣

I have started opening up to people despite my embarrassment and it has blown me away how many people have gone through the same or know someone who has - which has actually helped me feel less alone. E.g. I opened up to a school friend and turns out - she's in exactly the same spot! She's been waiting for IVF for 18 months and now I have someone I know and trust who I can message when things are rough or I get another set back. I also randomly opened up to my hairdresser yesterday and she had a sister and a friend go through the same who both went to clinics abroad and had successful pregnancies.

Focus on the positive - your results are good! Follow the advice on here too - Mediterranean diet, supplements, weight etc and just do the best you can. We've got you xxx

[tash1989]

Hi Zola, your feelings are valid and shared, I hear you. This is a cruel and lonely journey, and not many understand its impact on life.

On the mental side, I would highly recommend listening to the BFN podcast - I’ve recently started listening and it’s really helped me just feel like there is someone who understands what I’m going through without having to talk about it. Start from the beginning of their recordings in 2018

On the medical side, we have been trying for 3 years and have unexplained infertility. The NHS have kept turning us away and I’ve been very persistent that we need further support. We are getting close to a referral to the fertility clinic after 1 year of fighting. Be persistent, be patient. Get them to help.

Wishing you all good things! Keep your chin up, don’t let the bad days get you. Be kind to yourself. You are stronger than you think 💪