From a Male perspective

[LondonBornLad]

Hi everyone - I'm hoping I've come to the right place.

My Partner and I have been trying to conceive naturally for the past 12 months with no luck so I decided to go for a fertility test a couple of months ago. Unfortunately the result came back as a low-count and a few other minor issues.

Unfortunately the biggest impact this has had is on my Mental Health, I'm living with constant guilt towards my partner that issue lies with me. Equally, the pressure I'm putting on myself and her (in my opinion) is incredible. The 'push to try more' because of my lowered chances is only serving to push us further away form each other in an already 'low libido' relationship. m

My questions:

1. Has anyone else/partners been through this, How did you cope?

2. My partner has a low libido anyway so I really doubting our chances every single day and its destroying me - How do I help her not feel so pressured?

Appreciate any comments or answers - Best of luck to everyone else going through their own issues <3

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

This is and can be a difficult stressful journey but there is information [ on all aspects of fertility] and support available Take a look at fertilitynetworkuk.org and click on menu - access support- then fertility groups follow the prompts and choice a group near you For yourself to access male support menu - learn about fertility and scroll to HIMFERTILITY for info & support at this time

Take care of each other and good luck for the future

Janet

[Marisa32]

My husband and I have an extremely low libido, I totally hear you. It's near impossible to get it done naturally. What ended up working for us was an at home IUI device because sex was frankly out of the question after so many months of ttc. Not sure if that's a solution given your low count. You would need to check with the Dr on that. Have you considered an IUI or IVF? My brother is a carrier of a chromosomal translocation, which requires IVF and embryo testing. I know, it took a toll on his mental health. He has a healthy boy now though. Hopefully you can have a discussion with your partner and come up with some plan B, or C. Good luck!

[MammaMia86]

Hi LondonBornLad!

I can only speak from a female perspective, but I can tell you that when we found out that the main reason of our fertilities issues were because my husband has low count and low mobility I didn't care.

We are a team and nobody it is to blame at all! When we started doing tests nobody knows what the issue would be, and I didn't care because when you have a commitment with someone it is not only in the good things, it is also in the difficult moments as well.

I've got pregnant on the first try, we were sooo happy and then after many complications in the week 17th it was over. Since then I haven't been able to get pregnant again.....as you can imanging I am not happy about it, and I keep second guessing everything that I do in case there is something that I do that can reduce the chances. Not a single moment my husband said anything about being my fault.

There are things that are out of our control, I don't choose to have thyroid problems, I didn't choose that my water broke way before the baby was due.....I believe it is normal to have guilty feelings....but I am sure that she doesn't blame you.

I think you should talk and come to a plan, about going to a clinic....going through fertility treatments.....if she has a low libido make sure you have relationships when she is ovalating and try to be abstinent 3 days before, so the amount of sperm is more concentrated.

Take care of each other❤️

[Minniemouse88]

Hi LondonBornLad,Such a stressful time for you both, really sorry to hear you are going through it.

We were in a very similar boat last year when my husband was diagnosed with Azoospermia (zero!). I know he's struggled with this quietly but we too are in it together. I can only offer my perspective, which is that I chose my husband because I wanted to be with him and not his sperm so we keep trying to remind ourselves that we were 'us' before fertility issues. I would say try not to put pressure on yourself either re: bedroom activity. You are likely to be experiencing a degree of grief so it's understandable libido is low. We've been there too and I'm pleased to say it has come back sporadically. We reconnected with less intense activities: meals out, game of crazy golf etc, which helped us relax in time

It's a tough old journey trying to conceive. Wishing you all the best and take good care ❤️

[Ranchu90]

Being in this situation is no one to blame and really why we want to find out the reason behind infertility?!? I am telling you, because we want to solve the issue, not to find the person to blame for. We been there so I know exactly what you feel, I can stay hours and hours to discuss about that. In our couple we also had male infertility issue but I really didn't care if the problem was on me or my husband all I wanted to know is what are the solutions.

In regards to libido, I can relate to that also but please be aware that once the woman is going through ovulation period the libido is quite high so the attraction that you feel for your partner is there, therefore you won't feel the pressure on any side.

Stop thinking of blames or pressure, focus more on what are the options that will solve your issues as years are passing by and we are not getting any younger. Fertility unfortunately decreases with the age and therefore the chances. Treatments are long and tough in case you want to try IVF. And please don't lose your hopes, 1 in 4 couples are struggling with infertility so you are not alone. This problem shouldn't affect your relationship with your wife, it is actually the opposite...you have to make a "strong team" together and think positive, there is a light at the end of a tunnel. If you want to hear a positive story...there we go...we have twins now after male infertility diagnose- low motility, low morphology 0%, low count etc... If you have any questions please feel free to ask, happy to share my experience.

[Rollercoastersmiles]

hey. I just want to commend you for coming on here and asking this question. Shows how much you really care about your wife and that you have a great relationship! From my perspective (a female perspective) I can only say that when we found out that our fertility issues were caused by my husbands low sperm count (really low, about 0.1 million sperm/ml) I didn’t blame him, but was glad we had found a reason and it meant that we could move forward. We were lucky enough to have ICSI and have our son on the first go. Which hopefully is reassurance that this doesn’t mean that it’s not gonna happen.

I think our ‘journey’ (bleugh) has strengthened our relationship, there have definitely been some emotionally tough moments and arguments along the way but we tackled it together, and there’s something in that.

Just to bring a bit of negative in, I did have some anxiety along the way, particularly when I was considering that we might not have children, and my main worry was that we wouldn’t have children, and then one day he could leave me and I’d be alone. I did voice this once or twice, which can’t have been nice for my husband, but he reassured me as much as he could and also said that that caused some guilt for him when I said that but we talked about it and made it through.

If you feel comfortable too, try to talk about it. Communication is so important in stuff like this and will help you to make it through!

[pink_lemon]

Hello, I am sorry you are where you are. We have not been in your particular situation, but I wanted to offer solidarity and couole of insights from our journey. Perhaps they could help you not feel alone in the boat. When we were trying for a while with no success, we too started testing. First I did mine and came back with log egg reserve, coupled with our age, not great prospects. I did not feel particularly guilty, it is what it is and we had to look for solutions. When it came to testimg my partner, he was sooooo worried something was going to come back wrong with him. He even said a few inapropriate things that hurt me and threw me off. All I thought was that whatever it is, we will look for solutions, but I think there is something about mens’ ego and fertility that makes men much more sensitive if somethung is wrong. Women don’t see it (you) that way. We don’t see you as a failure. Try to not blame yourself so much. Try to talk to your wife and plan away forward, perhaps with the help of a specialist. If your wife is like most women, she does not blame you.

Secondly, the libido thing. I don’t have a great libido and honestly, even if I had I think after a year of purposely trying, I would still be sick of having scheduled sex. I was sick of it. íIt is hard and you are not alone.

The best thing you can do is to talk to your wife and make a plan. Best of luck.

[LondonBornLad]

I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to send a message or help out where possible. It's helping me deal with it mentally and take solace in all your stories.

Thank you, sincerely, you don't know the impact you've had

[alockie]

I'm really sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing. I haven't been through exactly what you're experiencing, but I can imagine how tough it must be. Communication is key here. Maybe have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and fears, emphasizing that you're in this together. Search the internet for potential solutions. One of my friends purchased a fertility cup from mascotom.co.uk because they're having trouble with sperm quality and want an alternative to hospital insemination. Keep looking for different ways; there are lots of options nowadays to help couples have a baby. Good luck!