I posted about poor fertilisation rate a few days ago… as expected the only one embryo that fertilised didn’t survive so walking out of this cycle with zero embryo! So disheartening when using DE as you think your chances are much higher but apparently not! I had a better outcome using my own eggs and partners sperm quality is so low but he doesn’t want to use donor sperm. It’s so hard for me as I don’t want to lose my relationship to infertility issues but often think donor sperm could be my gateway to motherhood. I know it’s difficult when a partner doesn’t want to use donor and I know women who don’t want to do that but it’s a difficult situation as he is the one with male factor.
I wish everyone the very best of luck with their treatment xx
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Milo2011
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Hi. I’m so sorry to hear this, amd hope you have plenty of support around you. Perhaps you could try with your own eggs once more with an ICSI cycle. Perhaps a different protocol, I don’t know. Perhaps your embryologist can provide an answer. I am thinking of you and truly hope a solution can be found. Diane
I'm sorry to hear this and that your partner isn't as open to using donor sperm and you are to using donor eggs. If he ever does change his mind it might be worth looking into donor embryos. I'm saying this because many couples who have had a successful cycle chose to donate embryos that they don't end up using (usually high quality, often PGT-A tested embryos). I think it works out quite a bit cheaper, as they are already created, and they have already made it to blastocyst stage, so you don't have to worry about fertilisation.
Sorry I don't have any answers for you, but there is other options out there if you both want to explore them. Good luck x
Sorry to hear this, it is very upsetting for you. Have you both tried counseling to talk through this issue? I get what you're saying about the difficulty where it is a male factor issue but your partner doesn't wish to try using donor sperm. I wonder if talking it all through in a counselling environment could be helpful so you can express why that is especially hard to navigate x x
We are due our private counselling next week and I will try to break into this topic. He has had a traumatic experience about his daughter in his 20’s and that’s the only reason I can think of but he is sadly not open to deep discussions about it either. He says he’ll do everything I say just this one thing should be his call but this is the main reason why and donor sperm could be a game changer. I am trying to get through these few days and see what my options are. I sometimes wish I had never started this journey and just accepted that he’s got fertility issues.
oh girl, this is such a challenging period for you. you really need to listen to your heart and find out what is more important for you in life. Do do regret about your choices, you've done your best, there was no way you knew what a difficult road IVF is.... i hope you and your partner you will have what is best for both of you xxx
We’ve done the genetic test and he hasn’t got any chromosomal abnormalities. That being said our consultant said these tests never identify the underlying genetic issues so precisely that we can say for sure the sperm will work if there’s no genetic factor. As for lifestyle he’s alcohol free and caffeine free months before the treatment and he’s a semi professional athlete… non smoker and particularly healthy diet. Nothing more can be done on that front and I’m proud of him for doing all that for us but that didn’t change the quantity and quality of his sperm. We still got the same dreadful result sadly! 😔
It's definitely sperm quality what is affecting your fertilisation rate... I had the same problem in my first cycle. What my husband did was to complete change his life style, stop drinking, stop caffeine, stop vaping, loose weight, go to the gym, eat healthy and take the men Conception multivitamins. What i would say is, my husband was always open to use sperm donor if needed, which i think maybe your partner needs some counselling with. You have obviously use donor eggs, he should be able to do the same!Also I would recommend to use ICSI, it work so much better for us than IVF....
Wishing you all the best in your journey and sending loads of love x
I was in a similar situation but it was my eggs that weren’t good. I was open to donor eggs but he was not. I tried for 4 years. In the end we broke up after 8 years together because I told him what I wanted and he couldn’t do it. (We weren’t married.) I felt if the relationship was worth it and enough for me in this life, I might’ve been ok with not having children. But he wasn’t enough - maybe his lack of support for what I needed, but also several other things. I decided being a mother was more important. So now I’m doing it on my own. Many of my friends are in wonderful marriages and feel that is enough and didn’t want kids. You need to decide what’s most important for you in this life. But I agree that he needs to do everything he can to improve his sperm quality if you keep trying. Diet, vitamins, exercise, lifestyle, acupuncture…
I am really touched by your story and sending you all my love. I have several friends that are solo moms and they are probably my happiest friends. Go girl, wishing you a wonderful baby in no time, and the family you deserve !
I am sorry but he agrees to letting you use DE and won’t take DS when he has an issue with his sperm???!!!! You might want to think twice, to me it is a great sign of selfishness that goes well beyond a sperm issue. Do not abandon your dreams, make sure you are on the right team.
I would not want to push someone into DS if they do not feel OK about it. Surely that is storing up potential issues if a child comes along and for whatever reason they feel a disconnect to the child. Remember the potential child always come first.
I was not at all meaning to suggest to push someone into DS but rather to push that person towards the exit door. He does not see any issue with DE however has an issue with DS and he should not be pushed? According me the only area where about he should be pushed is the door.
I sent a private message but just wanted to chime in here too! I also have a husband with male factor infertility who will not use donor sperm. (In fact, the suggestion makes him very upset and offended.) It can be hard to wrap my head around it at times but my understanding is they don’t have the connection from carrying the baby that we do so I think it is a harder decision for them at first. I am also realizing they struggle with a taboo that society seems to put on men that have trouble reproducing. My husband admitted he told his therapist this makes him feel like he isn’t a man. I don’t mean to defend their stubbornness but it’s some insight into their own mental trauma. That being said, I do think it unfair if you are unable to get any embryos at all from these next two cycles. At that point, he will have to face that you tried and he perhaps needs to work through his feelings with a therapist but should not be holding back the person he loves from being a mother. Easier said than done I know💕.
As for what helped with our fertilization rate, I suggest you try calcium ionophore. I lost all but 2 out of 14 of my eggs to what was mostly my husband’s poor sperm in my first egg retrieval. Afterwards, the doctor recommended this add on and we saw a huge difference in fertilization rate. I was lucky enough to get 4-5 embryos to Day 5 and good enough to freeze in each of the next two rounds. I hope this helps with your next two attempts as well. Sending you loads of love! xx
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so tough when things don’t work out, especially after putting so much hope into a cycle. I can only imagine how complicated it must feel with your partner’s feelings in the mix too. Whatever you decide moving forward, I hope it brings you closer to your dream. Sending you lots of strength. xx
We also have male infertility so I can certainly empathise with your situation.I just want to add a few points that made a difference to me and may help you:
- Ask him why he doesn't want donor sperm. My husband wasn't great to express his feelings but I guided him and the reason wasn't what I expected. I did more research and ended up agreeing with him. You may need the help of a therapist to go through this thoughts and feelings;
- Start researching what it would mean to choose and use donor sperm. How do you feel about it? How much will cost? Will you be able to talk your husband through it based on facts, not just your desire to be a mom?
- Same as donor egg, donor sperm is not a guarantee of sucess. Can you get through it if it fails?
- If you try again with own eggs and own sperm, get your husband to agree to fully commit to lifestyle changes: no alcohol, no smoking, weight training, good diet, supplements for at least 75 days. Book a consultation with a good urologist to see if any medication can help also. If he doesn't commit to all this, I wouldn't even waste my time with another cycle with his sperm.
if your parter’s sperm numbers are low enough that it constitutes infertility, I’ll be a little aggressive and suggest to your partner that if he wants to have children, he should man up and choose the best route to a baby in the bassinet. When a baby is born, it is yours and it is his. There’s no arguing with looking into a new born in its amazing eyes! And it is his and your family, regardless.
Hi lovely sorry for what your going through have you ever thought of doing a tandem cycle it’s wear you and a donor both do ivf with icsi and you get to keep all the eggs they do it in North Cyprus but might do it in other countries as well if you check
My guy read something about doing a work out weights and drinking pomegranates juice before giving his sample and we got 4 blast dont no if it helped but the first time we had something to freeze
Hey. So sorry to hear this. Try ICSI next time. Also, sperm quality is much easier to improve than egg quality. Have your partner be on antioxidant supplements, quit smoking and alcohol and eat healthy for 3 months before your procedure.
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