Donor withdrawal

[GG_Mums]

Honestly, how many of you are aware that the donor has the right to withdraw consent right up until the point of implantation. I.e, blastocysts which are stored can be destroyed if the donor wishes?

[jengi]

I’m not aware of this? Are you referring to UK or another country? I’d have to check our paper work to see what it says.

[GG_Mums in reply to jengi]

Hi, this is in the UK. It has just happened to my wife and I this week and we had a frozen embryo and further vials of sperm yet nothing can be done. Absolutely heartbreaking and certainly not made clear from the outset.

[jengi in reply to GG_Mums]

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I wasn’t aware. We have three frozen embryos (donor eggs) in storage. I’d be devastated if this happened. Sending big hugs Xx

[GG_Mums in reply to jengi]

thank you, would hate to see anyone go through this and loose any embryo’s xx

[Tir-26]

Have you read over your consent forms? It’s a donor egg but your sperm, surely you have some rights?

[GG_Mums in reply to Tir-26]

Its my eggs & donor sperm. I have absolutely no rights whatsoever. That’s the law. It is just not made clear to people when they start this journey.

[Ivfgotadream in reply to Tir-26]

I queried it once on mine and my husbands forms (not using donors) - I could transfer the embryos after his death or mental incapacitation but he couldn’t use embryos if I died or declared mentally incapacitated and he wanted to use a surrogate. It’s something to do with the woman giving birth is the legal mother irrespective of who is the biological mother. So if I died and husband used a surrogate she would be the legal mother not me. And there would be no legal mechanism to recognise me as the mother as I’d be dead/incapacitated and I’d be unable to consent to someone else being the legal mother of my children.

Whereas doesn’t matter who gives birth the man is the father legally if it’s his sperm

[GG_Mums in reply to Ivfgotadream]

I have been the one undergoing treatment with my own eggs and using donor sperm. The donor has withdrawn his consent and because of this, my embryo is being destroyed and I have no say over it. No rights whatsoever even though it’s my egg. All of the rights are for the donors. No rights for the patient and this was never explained before starting treatment.

[butterfliez in reply to GG_Mums]

This is unbelievable , how awful when your embryo is all ready to go. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have no experience with donor, but I just wanted to send you support and say how sorry I am xx

[GG_Mums in reply to butterfliez]

Thank you for your kind message. we can’t believe it, how can the donor have full say and destroy my last embryo the clinic did not make it clear that this would ever be a possibility. I was wondering how many other people out there have no idea xx

[Positivechangeplease in reply to GG_Mums]

I’m so sorry for you, I’ve never heard of it and it sounds wrong to me. In my head if you’re a donor you’re giving away your eggs or sperm and generally want nothing to do with it- to give help but not have it yourself so why should all the rights lie with you? I can tell how devastating it must be, emotionally mostly but also costly for no reason. So sorry

[Ivfgotadream]

I have heard about this before and it’s stated on the HFEAA website that consent can be withdrawn at any time up to transfer.

(I’m aware of one case where a woman had used her sisters eggs - she had one child and then wanted another using the remaining embryos - she rang up to book the transfer - having not discussed with her sister only to find the clinic had sought approval and she had said no)

[Hidden]

Hi GG sorry to hear you’re going through this. I had donor egg IVF and it was made very clear from the beginning that the donor could withdraw consent up to embryo transfer. I had a repeat donor so I’m hoping this isn’t likely to happen with the frozen ones but it is a possibility and I’m sorry your clinic didn’t make it clear to you.

[Twiglet2]

that’s heartbreaking 💔 I’m so sorry that’s happened to you! Xx

[LSandJ]

So sorry to hear this! I was aware it was a possibility when insignia the forms, but was told by my clinic they'd never heard of it happening before! Do you have any reason why?

(Could be that they've found a medical problem that they don't want to pass on). Just trying to think of other reasons that might make it a tiny bit better. But I doubt anything will for you and your wife.

Do you get anything? (Like a free vial of someone else?) Which sperm bank was this from?

So so sorry to hear it. Choosing sperm has been so difficult for us, and once you've got to the embryo stage you've gotnso many other things to think about, you wouldn't even be thinking of the sperm any more. I just can't even imagine. So sorry. Everything you feel right now though is totally valid, its an unimaginable situation and just horrid xxxxxxx

[GG_Mums in reply to LSandJ]

Hi we got the sperm from London Sperm Bank and as you know it took us months to decide and find the suitable donor for us. We bought 3 vials for security to try and have future siblings. The first vial is the how we have our frozen embryo which is being destroyed 😭 the other two vials were not used at this stage so we are receiving a refund on those. Nothing is being done about the vial/embryo we still had so we will have to pay for another egg collection which as you know isn’t cheap. Just can’t believe this has happened. Xx

[LSandJ in reply to GG_Mums]

Hiya, it really is aawful. And I wonder if you push, will you get someone to help. Was the clinic connected to LSB or a separate clinic? We've just joined the clinic connected to them, and are going to do 'kind ivf'. If we use LSB it's cheaper as all 'in house'. But they have such limited donors we were hesitating. Now maybe even more!!

[Hopecontinues]

Hi,

I had no idea. Companies recommend single women freeze embryos rather than their eggs and this would leave them in a really vulnerable position. I just checked with a mate who froze embryos in the uk aged 38 and didn't transfer until she was 44, she had no idea. She would have been really stuffed if he had pulled out before transfer.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it's not at all a scenario anyone expects. I hope at the very least you are compensated.

X

[GG_Mums in reply to Hopecontinues]

It just feels so unjust and the clinic are doing nothing for us at all. It was never discussed at consultation etc and has been a bombshell that we just weren’t expecting 💔

[Habibi87]

I am incredibly sorry about this. I had no idea and it seems completely unjust and unfair that the consent could be withdrawn even when blastocysts have been made. I wonder if it this is different in other countries ?

[GG_Mums in reply to Habibi87]

I’m not sure but I definitely think the law needs to be changed in the UK

[Westcoastwestie]

This is awful and so unfair. I had had it made clear to me quite early on. Not sure if there’s a difference clinic to clinic or private/ NHS. We were NHS and by some small miracle there was donor sperm avilable so we didn’t need to go private. All the way through my fear was what you have just described. I feel like there needs to be more support and protection for the patients. It’s too much to go through physically and mentally (and financially) to then have the rug pulled from under you. Once treatment starts it just doesn’t feel right to have someone suddenly change their mind. Is there any way to persue for the financial loss if this was not made clear during the consent stage? It’s a small hollow win but helps fund the next time.

[GG_Mums in reply to Westcoastwestie]

we have sought advice and there does seem to be a claim to be made. It just all feels very difficult though and we would rather the clinic just put it right. It’s a lot to deal with 😔

[Westcoastwestie in reply to GG_Mums]

it’s overwhelming without this happening. I find it hard get my head around that it’s allowed. Like I say a hollow win because that’s not what you actually want.

[Msze]

even if the embryo is your partner’s sperm?

[Westcoastwestie in reply to Msze]

yes. I’m pretty sure our consents made it clear that any moment one could withdraw consent. It’s a sticky area as I know someone who had not consented for an embryo to be used and he now had a son. The couple had broken up and he was living in Australia. She had managed to work around the consent. It was messy. I understand her situation but also his.

[GG_Mums in reply to Msze]

it’s my eggs with donor sperm has created our frozen embryo, which is now being destroyed because the donor has withdrawn consent. We don’t mind about the sperm being withdrawn that’s fine, but a fully hatching embryo is just too much to handle

[Msze in reply to GG_Mums]

that’s so awful. i guess it makes sense but they should responsible financially for you going through all of that if they withdraw at this late stage. Not right. I’m so sorry

[Westcoastwestie in reply to GG_Mums]

sorry I didn’t get an alert about a response. No I 100% agree. I was worried all the way through our process, we only got 2 embryos but they were frozen and my fear was they could change their mind while we got ready for FET. It’s an insane situation.

[Becs1980]

yes we are told this at the start x

[Missfh]

Oh that's awful I'm so sorry to hear this. My UK clinic insists all patients using donor sperm/eggs undergo counselling and it was the counsellor who mentioned this was a possibility, but it was really a minor point as she said it was extremely rare and she'd never heard of a case of this happening in practice so I never gave it another thought.

It seems so unfair, both financially but also for some they might lose their only chance of a genetic child.

[PrayingforMyBaby]

Hi, i really dont have any idea, however if its donor, it will never camcelled ask your clinic, since they ate the one who advice to have an egg donor., so probabaly it wont unless something wrong with the embreyo.🙏

[Ivfgotadream]

I’ve also heard about sperm donors withdrawing consent once they’ve met/married someone etc - most donors are young single men and if I’m honest if I was marrying a man who had donated in the past I’m not sure how id feel about a donor child being born after our marriage? Not much i could do about children born before we got together but future ones….especially if I planned on having a family with him as well?

It’s awful for you and I’m surprised the clinic wasn’t more forthcoming about the risks but perhaps they’ve just never had it happen? There should be some clause though that offers you another egg collection to replace it

[GG_Mums in reply to Ivfgotadream]

no problem with sperm being withdrawn and destroyed, but hatching embryos…that’s very hard to accept

[Rella22]

I am so sorry this happened to you. My husband and I read over our consent and it says that if either of us change our minds the embryos will be destroyed. We either consent to either one of us using the embryos or in the event of disagreement, divorce, incapacitated or death they will be destroyed.

Was any of this mentioned in your consent??

[GG_Mums in reply to Rella22]

nothing was mentioned