Losing focus

[Tarasunny]

Hi guys I'm not entirely sure of the purpose of this post guess I'm just looking to not be alone in these thoughts. Although I'm not even sure I can explain it properly.I feel like I have kind of lost the focus of my fertility journey. I seem to be so focused on getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) that I've lost sight of the fact that my true dream is having a baby. Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does. A little background, in the last 3 years I've had 4 rounds of IUI (all BFN). 4 fresh rounds of IVF which resulted in 2 MMCs, a no eggs collected cycle and a BFN. I'm very luck to have a frozen embryo from my last cycle and am currently on meds in preparation for my first FET. All of this I'm doing alone with donor sperm. I know I've been through a lot but I seem to have lost a bit of perspective of what this journey should hopefully lead too.....

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Kmcdon]

Yes! Absolutely with you. I’m the same, countless cycles with own eggs - best cycle a chemical. 4 cycles with donor eggs, 2 miscarriages, 2 BFNs (last one confirmed today). Tests galore, medicated to the eyeballs! We are using double donors as well. Feel like a failure and you’re right, feel like I’m not even sure what it’s all for. Again I totally get it, so focused on getting pregnant and staying that way, you forget what the end goal is. All I can say, is I get it and you are not alone. Xx

[Tarasunny in reply to Kmcdon]

Thanks I wasn't sure anyone would get what I was on about. I'm sorry that you feel the same way. I just read your post about your recent BFN, that is incredibly tough. You think with double donor and all the other tests you've had done it would be easy but it bloody isn't. I'm still own egg but with donor sperm at the moment but donor eggs may be my next step if this transfer isn't successful.

[Kmcdon in reply to Tarasunny]

I think that's the great thing about this forum. So many people get exactly what you are going through. They always offer great advice and support. Please let me know how you get on and feel free to pm me. Xx

[Tarasunny in reply to Kmcdon]

Thanks, I really appreciate your comments. I wish you good luck on your next steps.

[JustJane1234]

Hey, I've definitely felt that way at times - so focused on getting pregnant that I've forgotten what it's all for. Sometimes that dream I had of being a mum just feels so far away! So you're not alone. Hopefully every step we take is bringing us that bit closer but it's so hard sometimes 🌸🌸🌸 xx

[Tarasunny]

Thanks I think that's true everything seems so close but so far. Keeping my fingers crossed for this transfer 🤞

[StarsAllAround]

Don't be hard on yourself for the way you are feeling, I think most people going through fertility treatment feel like this at some point, I know I've been there. You've been through a lot you are a warrior 💙 ❤️. Treat yourself to something nice xx

[Annbiel]

It's hard because it's a one big unknown, and it feels like a never ending journey of trying and failing. The worst part is that not even doctors can guarantee the success at the end so all that effort might be in vain. My mum got me a pair of tiniest baby socks to keep me going and believe that it'll happen...

[Tarasunny]

Thanks, I actually bought a little faith purchase yesterday to see if that would help. I'd never done that before, always felt it would tempt fate. Hopefully not 🤞

[Eggfreezer2015]

Wish you well on your journey and with everything that we go through, it’s easy to lose focus, or feel an abundance of emotions that can’t even be explained. I’m also doing this on my own with a sperm donor, I’m about to embark on round 2 following an ERA test this month and feel totally overwhelmed and still lost in grief from my first failed FET. If you ever want to chat more, please feel free to DM x