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Fertility Network UK
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Not sure if it's time to give up 😕

I know you lovely ladies won't be able to give me the answer to this , but just wanted to write it out, and hopefully help sort my head out.

I'm just not sure I have enough strength to keep fighting, we have had 3 rounds of ivf 1 miscarriage and then 2 BFN, then we were going to start donor egg treatment through refund package and I fell pregnant naturally but miscarried, I've said to my husband can't carry on with refund package as I don't think I could go through another 3 rounds if it didn't work or if we miscarried again, but now I'm even doubting having one last go with donor eggs. We won't be deciding anything till next year but I can't seem to get the nagging doubt of another round out of my head, if I mention this to hubby he just says we will decide next year but will go along with what ever I decide, which isn't very helpful really as I feel like it's all on me!

Do i just need more time to start thinking postive about ivf again, I just feel like all hope is lost ☹.

Sorry for my moan.

Love to you all x

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Hi sorry to hear your struggle to have a baby it’s really not fair. But like you husband says you can decide next year give your self time to relax. Maybe you’ll change your mind or have a clear head to decide. I think your very brave what you’ve been through already and wish you luck for the future. Big hugs

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Thank you, I am trying not yo think but it's seems to whirl round in my head ☹. I just we I had a off switch, hopefully time will make it easier

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Big hugs to you it’s so hard, heartbreaking & over whelming at times. We did 5 cycles in total 3 with my eggs (1 x chemical) 2 with DE and now have a beautiful baby girl (was twins but sadly lost one at 9 wk) just wanted to try and give you some positive hope xxx

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Thank you, I often think of you Button-123 cause we would be using same hospital you did. Maybe I have to start to thinking of donor egg as a total new thing, rather than " another" round of ivf, I know I don't really want to give up deep down and positive story's always bring some hope x

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I had moments like that and not surprising as it’s physically & mentally exhausting and when my first DE cycle failed I really did think I was done. But so glad we carried and if your worried about DE I can honestly say it doesn’t even cross my mind now, she perfect and the image of my hubby xxx

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Thank you I'm not worried about DE just it not working or another miscarriage , we all need a magic ball to see into future don't we xx

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Nobody would blame you for having a moan and feeling this way. It’s such a difficult journey and everyone has that time where they feel like they can keep goin with one disappointment after another. I think you might just need the time to completely recharge your batteries and put everything ivf related out of your thoughts. Treat yourself and enjoy some time without all the worry & stress that comes with trying for a baby. I gave myself a few years out after a couple of failed embryo transfers, ectopics and miscarriages which left me feeling broken. I wasn’t mentally strong enough to go on trying and being around friends that were pregnant was killing me and making me a recluse. Wishing you all the best In whatever you decide to do and lots of luck that you will eventually have your own little one. Take care 🙏💕 xX

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Thank you, your right I just need to totally switch off from it all, we have some lovely holidays planned and need to focus on them more.

No one realises how tough our journeys are and the decisions we have to make , unless you have been through it yourself xx

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Hey, after we had second mc in 2016 although I was still desperate to have a baby I mentally couldn't even contemplate another round. I was scared it wouldn't work and even more terrified of another mc. We didn't have another cycle for approx 16 months and the cycle was a disaster and didn't work but I was thankful that it didn't end up in mc.

We did our 'final' round October last year and we now have a 10 week old baby and 2 frosties.

Give yourself more time to decide what you want to do, when the time comes you'll know what feels right for you. Don't give up just yet. Xxx

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Thank you for your reply, it sounds like I just need more time them before making final decisions.

Congratulations on your little one x

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Doesn’t sound like a moan to me, it’s good to write things down and unload- sometimes just doing that alone can make you feel better. You have been through such a huge journey already- it sounds as though you do need a break and a chance to heal and recover from all that you have been through. Take the time and listen to your heart, that’s where all your hopes and dreams lie anyway - just don’t be too hard on yourself. You have hubby and that’s massive thing to have each other! Sorry that’s not much use, just wanted to send you some love 💕- take care of yourself xxxxx

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Thank you for your reply, it has made me feel a little better, especially when all you lovely ladies give un judgemental support. Me and hubby have some lovely plans over next 6month so will just have to focus harder on them xx

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Hey Hun

Am right with you there keep umming and arghing about going for number 8 and final, one minute I think yes then the next it’s I can’t do this to face another failure.

It’s not an easy decision to make and even hubby says he it’s t opposed to it but....

Hey one last shot you just never know

My journey 3 fresh rounds using own eggs all

Private = bfn, 1st DE cycle no freeze eggs = BFP lost at 17 weeks, new DE cycle 3 blasts 2 x get = bfn, new donor 2 blasts= bfn

You will know what’s right 4 u x

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Thank you tamtam, at least I know it's normal to feel like this.

These journeys are so difficult and to make the final decision , like you say there is always that but what if .

Good luck with your next cycle xx

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You have been through such a difficult journey. How brave you both are to have been to have kept going.

It does sound like you need a rest and a recharge to make any decisions about a future cycle.

Maybe make some other plans for 2019 that you could look forward to so that it is not all about IVF.....?

I really have no advice as I cannot imagine what you have been through. But massively respect you both for your determination so far in your journey.

You definately deserve a break.

Xxx

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Thank you, we have some good plans in place maybe I just need to focus on them more . Xx

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I know how you feel. It's not moaning it's just articulating completely normal feelings! When IVF doesn't work the first time the barrier does go up and the response is not to try again as you can't face the heartache of it not working all over again. However, over time you do feel differently and you clearly need to give yourself time to think about what you really want. It's such a cruel journey and there is no right or wrong answer but what is right for you. You will get there and wishing you all the best in whatever you decide to do xx

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Thank you, I really hope I do start to feel more positive in time, IVF is a very cruel journey as we have no gaurentees.

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It certainly is and we can only hope we get lucky. I've had counselling with my husband which has been really useful and I've started going to a support group. The mental and emotional side is so difficult and nothing prepares you for it xx

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Hi dear,

I am sorry for how you are feeling... But It is normal after everything that has happened. Honestly, I don't think you have to decide now, sometimes It is better to temporary "surrender" and let yourself just go. Give yourself a bit of time without forzing you to decide now.

And probably what your husband is trying to tell is that he is gonna love you and love your life, doesn't matter what you decide and what happens. The hardest part of a fertility treatment relies on us women, and he is probably right not wanting to take a decision that is gonna affect you so much entirely on his own.

Lots of LOVE 😘😘

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Thank you, at least I know I'm normal for how I'm feeling as I was feeling guilty for feeling this way, this journey is so tough.

I suppose your right about hubby, I know he will support me no matter what, but no one really wants to be the one that makes the decision xx

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I know you’ve been through it and it’s hard to have any hope left, to find any fight and you wonder how you’ll ever cope with another failure but perhaps just take a little time out to relax, to think about it. You don’t need to decide anything right now xx

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Thank you , I think I now feel a bit more normal to know I'm not the only one that struggles to find the strength to go again, I was starting to feel guilty and wonder if I'm not committed enough.

Time to focus on some nice things we have planned.

I hope you 2 ww is going well xx

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It's an awful long long road and there are no easy decisions.

I can totally understand you feeling apprehensive about another cycle.

All I can say is don't give up hope. See how you feel next year and take it from there.

For now I say concentrate on your and your hubby and take time to enjoy yourselves without the pressures that come with ttc.

Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide. Xx

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Thank you , I do feel better knowing I'm not the only one who has wobbles, I don't know where us ladies find the strengh from yet we always seem to in the end.

We have some nice holidays coming up soon so will focus more on them for now xx

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Hey, I hope that putting all your thought down helps. I often find that sounding my feeling out on here helps and to hear from others. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm also questioning how much more I can take, there always just seems to be something else. We have 3 frozen embryos left and all I can think is I want to put them back so we can shut the door on this whole thing and move on. How realistic that is I don't know....i spoke to someone else and went as far as to ask how much they paid for treatment and the name of the clinic they are at as it's cheap...just in case!🙈 On the one hand I'm so sick of everything....sick of saving up for the next treatment, sick of feeling sad when it all goes wrong, sick of not having a "normal life", sick of chasing something that seems to be slipping away from my grasp.....however there's the what if we just throw the towel in and we could have ended up with a baby! Anyhoo, I'm wittering on now, you're definitely not alone in how you're feeling! You've been through so much already and as you said, you don't need to decide now although I understand that you probably can't switch off, I'm the same! Big hugs lovely!!😘xxxx

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Thank you, I'm sorry you are feeling the same way, this journey is so tough and no one can ever give us the answers we want. I keep saying to my hubby I just wish someone would tell us either way so we can move on or be happy knowing it will work one of these times, so I can definatly understand you just wanting to get the 3 over and done with.

Hopefully one day we will both get our dreams xx

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I completely understand where you are at. I’m stuck here too. I do and I don’t want to do another round all at the same time. I’ve just started seeing a counsellor to try and get my head straight. The last fail has really taken its toll on me mentally & emotionally. It’s such a tough decision to make xx

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Sorry to hear your feeling the same way, it's so tough to know what to do, I started to feel guilty about how I felt but to hear everyone else say it's normal to feel like this, I feel a little better.

Hopefully time will help us both xx

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You’re definitely not moaning. You have had a really difficult journey so far. At times it is hard to imagine how you’ll be able to muster the energy and the courage to try again, I know exactly how you’re feeling. You don’t have to make this decision today or tomorrow. I hope writing it all down and getting it off your chest has been a help to you. For me personally some time off between our 4th cycle with my own eggs and our 1st attempt with DE was much needed. We needed the time to reach decisions about our move to DE but also to feel like we were in the right frame of mind to give it a go. Lots of love to you and hoping today was a better day for you xo

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Thank you, starting to realise that it's normal to feel like I do at the moment as I was starting to feel really guilty, I definatly need time to know which direction to go , hopefully I will just know when the time is right xx

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Lovely I have just walked in your shoes. Four months ago I felt I couldn’t try again or even make a choice one way or the other and my husband was making the same noises as yours but here I am on day 7 of estrofem. Part of me is thinking wtf! This time I feel detached to it. Like it is happening to someone else. I have absolutely no expectations of it working and have a list planned of things I am going to do next year and the year after. It just feels like a process and I know for sure this is the last time then life goes on. Best advise is time. I don’t think any of us leave this unscarred. Just now forget about it. Have fun for you. Big hugs xxx

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Thank you for your reply, I hope this cycle works for you 🤞.

It's so very hard to stay postive all the time and I suppose it's self defence to feel negative as we don't get our hopes up.

We have made plans for 2 years time my 40 to go to new York, but we both know this will only happen if we don't get a baby, sometimes I feel really bad for thinking like that, but it would be our way of dealing with it.

We do have lots of holidays planned between now and next year so I guess I just need to focus more on them and switch off xx

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You don’t need to make decisions just now Go and have your holidays. Have fun and remember what it is like to be you again and you as a couple. If it’s meant to happen it will You might end up like me, on this road agin but not sure you remember agreeing it just happened. Any way only you will know. Take care and have lots of fun on your holidays xxxx

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This is so incredibly tough and I feel for you very deeply. After 4 failed cycles and six years of trying we recently decided to stop and move on. We are planning to adopt, although we need a little more time before we’re ready for it. I have to say that when we decided to stop, a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. Of course it was (and still is) hideously sad and devastating to accept I will never give birth to my child, but it is also really positive to take back some control of my life and try to move forward in a different way. Sending love and good wishes xxxx

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Sorry to hear ivf didn't work for you, and good luck with your adopt plans.

We have decided foster/ adoption isn't for us so . I would just have to throw myself into my fur babies lol lol .

Hopefully when we make the decision I will feel like you 😊. Xx

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I was in a similar situation to you - 3 IVFs all BFPs but MCs. After the 3rd I told hubby I’m out, that’s it. But after a few months, a fantastic cruise, letting our hair down in every way with fun-filled weekends, something still wasn’t right - the yearning for our child hadn’t gone - I realised I did have the strength within me to go one last time with a donor this time, and felt we had a really good chance as probably it was “just” my eggs to blame. I always knew I’d regret not taking that one last chance. If the donor didn’t work, that really would have been it for us at least with medical intervention. I’m glad we took that chance. You are doing right in waiting till next year - our last own egg cycle was May 2017 and we did donor cycle Apr this year. Time will make all the difference I think. Don’t rule anything out yet xxx

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Thank you, did you get a BFP with your first DE round ? I think that's what scares me as well, that for all I don't fancy a guarantee money back package, I know we can't afford to keep going more than 1 DE round and possibly 1 frozen.

I know something is still missing as my husband is visting his family, and I can't face going as they all have children and I feel by now we should be taking ours to meet there grandad ect 😢.

Xx

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We did fortunately.

It’s hard to switch it off when you know in your heart of hearts life is still incomplete. I think don’t put pressure on to make any decisions now, just keep an open mind; keep the option there and when you least expect it I think you’ll come to terms that you should give it a shot - no regrets. I know it’s easy for me to say that now, and hey nothing is guaranteed, don’t we know that, but you’ll know you’ve pursued all avenues.

Take care for now xx

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