#1 You just need to have more sex. Then you will have a baby easily.(After 7 failed IVF cycles I really do not think that is all I need).
#2 Do you not WANT children?
#3 Are you prioritising your career over having children?
#4 You are so lucky you do not have children! You are so free!
#5 If you find IVF stressful how will you manage a baby?
- you just need to relax and it will happen
Yes!!!
I cannot count the number of times I've heard this...
"Why don't you just adopt?" 
Haa this is a classic
Classic! Especially from friends who have biological children themselves
Number 4 is my personal fave on this list , number 1 makes me want to scream and luckily I haven’t had number 5 yet as I might resort to violence! 🤯😬. Keep on keeping on, Warriors! X
Number 5 always shocks me... number 4 makes me want to scream at them...
God has anyone actually said 5 to you?! Luckily no one has to me or I would've actually clocked them!!! 😡😡😡
Have heard the others 🙄🙄🙄
A few people have!! I never understand what they are thinking?
- “I hear there is going to be a baby boom now we are in lockdown - wink wink nudge nudge - maybe you won’t need that IVF after all…”
Me ” well it’s a lockdown not the second of Christ …did you forget I lost both tubes to ectopics “
- “do you think your miscarriages are down to you having a cat”
- “maybe if you’d gone to church more….”
Too many to mention but those beauties stand out the most!
Oh my god 😱
The cat thing?! I’m sorry that actually made me laugh out loud. It’s utterly astounding. I definitely got the ‘baby boom’ thing a lot!x
you’ve been married for how long?! And still no little one.
Number 5???!! Are you kidding me? What’s wrong with people?! 🤯
People really underestimate what we go through
One more to add I guess this will 'outstand' " If your younger sibling has "twins" or more than 1,it can be taken" as you give away or have pets🤬
🙄
Think I’ve been asked all of these apart from 1, how bad is that, I’ve lost count how much I was asked number 2 when I was younger!
And every time it is still as shocking that people can say these things
‘isn’t it about time you should start having kids?’ You don’t flipping say!!! 😡
Some of the gems I've had said to me.
'It's about quality of sex your clearly not having enough orgasms, female orgasm is the key to getting pregnant, tell your husband to pay you more attention in bed'
'I think your Dr is jumping the gun suggesting you need IVF, you got pregnant once. Its not right to push people into IVF its not like its a miracle cure or something' - at this point we had been trying for over 4 years 1 ectopic pregnancy resulting in tube being removed, diagnosed with endometriosis, had all the tests and I had tried clomid which she knew!
'Well if its meant to be it will be' - right after a failed cycle
I had this…..of my PARENTS!!! My mum regaled me with tales of how much sex her and dad had and that me and my husband were either not doing it enough or not doing it right 🤢
oh my gosh 🙈 not a convo you want with your mum !
Oh my I'm glad it wasn't my mother who said it 🤣.
Hi so many insensitive comments we have to listen to from others who clearly do not understand anything about the journey. it is great to get them off our chest with people who totally get it.
The one I hate the most that is often repeated ' just relax and try not to think of trying and it will happen" arghhhh
also in my most recent 2ww my sister in law telling me "you can understand why people give up " (thanks for the positivity love haha)
even before my first ever transfer she also said " why don't you try surrogacy it's easier" clearly has no clue what the process involves .....
and "have you thought about adoption" umm no whilst going through years of ivf/loss and so on haven't had the brain space for such a huge decision.
another one "I know how heartbreaking it must be my friend was trying for so long to get pregnant (she got naturally pregnant after 6 months) yes exactly the same that is 🤦♀️
Exactly, people also told me " why don't you try surrogacy it's easier" ...
Also adoption "there are so many kids out there, why not try that instead of pushing for this, that is not working"... like, erm because adoption is not a replacement. It is a way of becoming a parent, yes, an amazing way, but one that requires (from my point of view), a certain skill set and a different sort of commitment. It is not like "aww sucks, I am infertile... well now lets try adopting".
I hate how they just think the pain of infertility is forgotten with surrogacy, donnor eggs, or adoption. Each of those decisions is serious, and requires lots of work, empathy, love, etc. That is why I ended up telling only a handful of people. To avoid this sort of advice. And still I got it sometimes.
OMG the number of times I heard numbers 1, 2 and 4. Then also:
awww well you never know, I know someone who got pregnant just before they first cycle started! It does happen! (Already tried with own eggs and 1 round in with donor)
You just need to relax - get drunk and have fun. It’ll happen.
And my personal favourite when I’d found out that I would need donor eggs and was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and low egg reserve, my own mother said ‘well at least you have your health!’
Ah yes, the last one."It is not the end of the world, it is not cancer!" (My dad had just died from cancer 3 weeks before I started treatment).
"Fertility treatments are for rich people or people on rich countries... very unneeded and not a real problem"
"You only need to lose weight"
"Have you tried this vitmaine/herb/supplement?"
"Well, you are already past 30, so you knew it was gonna be hard, no?" I was 32 i started trying at 30.
"Leave all the treatments and leave it to nature!" "But well... i can't ovulate with no treatment" " it is that negativity that it is blocking it from happening"
'When you do get your little one, you'll forget everything that happened to you'.🤦♀️
🤦♀️
I was told also:
''maybe your sex isn't passionate enough?''
''stop thinking about having a baby, it'll happen once you LET GO''
''you have too much stress in your life'' (I consider my lifestyle pretty regular with no acute stress triggers 💆♀️)
If only it was so easy!
I’ve been asked multiple times when my baby is due. I just carry weight on my tummy!!! A colleague at work once asked and I said I was just a bit fat and she didn’t believe me so asked someone else who I work closer with… this was before my first round of IVF.
That is unbelievable!! X
that is awful some people have no Shame X
That's crazy!! I put on weight after some of my cycles. The number of people who asked me if I was pregnant...
I’ve had ‘you’ll probably be happier without children anyway, they’re hard work’, and when we get a second cat ‘aww is that your substitute child?’ 🫠
This is the reason I tell NO ONE. Pity comments are the hardest for me.
oh gosh some of these comments make me so annoyed
Another one I’ve had a few months after losing my daughter after ivf … “ don’t worry you can have one of my children “ 😩 x
People (who knew we were having IVF) loved to tell me their stories of how easily they got pregnant 🤯 “oh we weren’t even trying and it just happened”, “we thought it would take us ages to fall pregnant but here we are after the first try”. Delighted for you but do you have to rub it in how fertile you are really?!! My own mum even did it, would talk about how my brother and I were both ‘accidents’ when she was on the pill like WTF why do you think I want to hear this. I can only assume people don’t know what to say?!
They cant put themselves in your shoes. But they want to show the "empathize" so they do it in the "becoming a parent" part. Which actually has the inverse effect.
It is a bit like when they tell you they understand because they tried for 2 months and did not happen and that drove them crazy and then it worked on the second month... but you have been trying for 5 years with help, doctors and medicine.
my best friend did that. She drove the 80 miles to randomly see me the day after she found out she wss pregnant and to tell me how easy it was for her - first time ever having sex without contraception. This was just before my first IVF attempt. 🙈
It’s so unbelievably insensitive. I think I’m some weird way our struggles make other people worry maybe they’ll struggle and they then feel the need to point out to us in some relieved that they haven’t?! I don’t know. When I finally got pregnant through IVF and my best friend who also needed IVF hadn’t yet I was so worried about upsetting her when I did I even told her she didn’t have to see me at all until she felt ready and I’d be totally guided by her.
I think the same as you. I have a friend that with no proof, is worrying that she might be infertile after hearing over my struggle. I tried to tell her that it can take 1 year of timed intercourse to have a kid when you don't have fertility issues (and she is not even trying). So I know that when she gets pregnant she will like to tell me how easy it was for her, because she will be very relieved that she did not have my issues (which I never even infer that she did).Also older people tend to have weird ideas over this. Like my grandma used to think that the fact that my mom and aunts were very regular at menstruating, was a sign of how good of a mother she was 😂 absurd. She was pretty worked out when I stopped menstruating. Like that made her and me a failure 😂 so she would always say "well your aunts ans mom are very regular" out of nowhere when I took my medicines for PCOS. I felt like if I had a warranty, she would like a refund 😂
- Why do IVF? Why not try to get pregnant naturally?
-If it means to be yours, it will be yours after all; Otherwise, just let it be.
Another one:"Maybe you don't want a kid enough right now... so it will happen when you really want one"
"Your body is rejecting it and makign fail, because you still don't want a kid enough".
Omg I've had two genuine offers of adoption from people who couldn't keep their babies, then they were surprised we didn't jump at the offer.
Then my parents said "well if you aren't going to have children, we're going to leave the family heirlooms to your sibling."
"Did you know there's a certain time of the month you should aim to have sex? You're probably timing it wrong" - said to a woman who has spent over a year meticulously tracking her cycle with BBT, ovulation sticks and EWCM to pinpoint ovulation!
"You've got a regular cycle so you're fine"
Yes, heard all of these. Number 5 is my mum's favourite 😤I work in healthcare alongside a psychologist who knew I was going through IVF and still came up with the good old "maybe when you are a bit less stressed it will happen naturally." Well meant, I'm sure, but my husband has azoospermia (I thought it best not to point this out), just nodded and smiled! People! 🙄xx
Totally had 1) and also 4).
Also being asked in a really public place if I wanted children with everyone on the table looking at me,
From a friend (who conceived her first month of trying) maybe you need to use your appointment with your medical team to know when to quit?! And numerous examples of well I have this friend who conceived (reals off a story of someone in a completely different situation to you)…
Sometimes beautiful people do beautiful things 💜 
Partner going through IVf
Going through IVF during COVID-19 pandemic 
We beat infertility 💙 
