My 4 year relationship has just broken down as per all the stress and strain of trying for a baby for 3 years and failed IVF.
I'm considering freezing my eggs and preserve my chances of being a mum but do I need to panic and start doing that yet?
I was advised you need to freeze lots of eggs as you can lose so many when they thaw. My last IVF cycle wasn't amazing and I only had 3/4 usable eggs from it.
To get 20 eggs to freeze could be up to 5 rounds of drugs etc and the cost on my own would be so expensive.
People keep telling me I'm young but I don't feel it and my AMH being as low as it is at my age means I may not be old in age but I am in chances of being a mum age.
I cannot risk not being a mum. I want my own genetic little me one day.
Obviously I wanted that with my ex and I know I could meet someone else in time but I can't risk not having eggs by then. I need time to heal and find my energy again after such a traumatic year and the breakdown of our relationship that I have been fighting to save for so long.
Has anyone been here, done this, not done this. Any regrets, anything you'd do differently.
I have an apt with Leeds fertility on 19th Jan to discuss this with the consultant but as no one can ever give a time frame on AMH levels, the decision is still going to be mine.
So I need advice from people who have been here and done this.
Any advice please everyone 🙏
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FRLAB33
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I am so sorry your relationship broke down. I hope you are supported and doing OK at the moment. I don't think I can tell you what to do. All I wanted to say is that if I was in this situation I would probably opt for freezing. I know it's not a guarantee though and I appreciate that the costs are huge especially after previous ivf treatments.
Thank you. After fighting to make to work for so long I had to walk away, it was taking up all of my energy and I feel he gave in when things got tough. I needed more support than he could offer me but I'm lucky to have a fantastic network of family and friends around me for support.
I need to do some more research and have a consultation with my NHS consultant and a private clinic both on 19th Jan so that should help with the fact finding.
I just wanted to hear about anyone else personal experience with this route and if they would chose it again.
I keep being told I'm still young and that may be with age but not with Ovarian reserve age which is my main concern as well as the cost. They make it so unachievable for most don't they. It really is not fair.
It is so hard, isn't it? Going through a separation and having to to take this into account. As I said I don't have a personal experience but a good a friend of mine was in a similar position a year ago. She split up with her long term partner and decided to freeze her eggs. She was 38 then, older than you. And she was not trying to conceive before splitting up but when she separated she realised she will be too old when she finally is ready to try to conceive. She hasn't used the eggs yet.
She said she felt that she was doing something about it and helped her relax, not rushing into trying to find a new partner.
Not sure about the facts and statistics. I hope the consultant from NHS and the private clinic can give you information to help you make up your mind.
Hello. I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship breaking down, on top of all the stresses of 3 years of TTC
I listened to a Guardian podcast (Today in Focus, 13 December) recently which talked about egg freezing and I recommend you give it a listen. One fact that stuck with me was the fact that only 1 in 5 women who try to conceive using frozen eggs currently meet with success. So you need to be aware that there's a serious risk that you would spend many thousands of pounds and it wouldn't work.
With low AMH for your age and your most recent IVF not yielding too many eggs, it might be that donor eggs would give you a better chance of becoming a mum in any future relationship. You mention in your post that you want a baby that would genetically be yours - obviously, you don't get this with donor eggs, but you do get a baby that is biologically yours. Also, with donor eggs, your age / AMH levels etc. don't matter, meaning there's no rush to make decisions at such a difficult time.
I wish you luck whatever you choose to do and hope some other ladies with experience of egg freezing will be along soon to give you advice xx
The relationship needed to end for ny sanity. After giving all I had to fight for a man who could not support me I realised I needed more. Even as scary and as sad as it is as I do love him but it's for the best and time will help me feel stronger again. It is all still very recent.
I did listen to that podcast today and it was very insightful. Thank you. The stats are not brilliant and yet the cost is so high.
I know one person recommended embryo freezing as there is a higher success rate or my last option would be to do the IVF sooner and not freeze anything but use donor sperm. I just hadn't ever considered being a single parent before and don't want to rush any decisions I make now.
I'd love a genetic me with 2 parents as apose to a genetic me and a stranger.
I do appreciate the donor aspect takes away all time pressures but this last year I've had to give up on so many dreams, the 3 biological kids I'd always wanted, the one we tried for with the IVF and now my dog, home and family. (My ex had an 11 year old son 😔 ) ...so much loss over the last 9 months that I just cannot give up the hope of at least one biological little me.
So much to think about but all the info helps and will hopefully help me go on to make a well educated decision about what is best for me and my future babies, because I will be having them! 🙌
Hi FRLAB. So sorry to hear that everything has gone pear-shaped for you. Yes, you could try freezing some eggs, but you would be putting yourself through a lot in order to collect enough viable eggs. Give this some serious thought, and remember that you could have the option of using donor eggs, or even try IVF now with donor sperm?? Just my thoughts, but perhaps go for implications counselling before deciding. Obviously I wish you well and for success when you have decided. Diane
Thank you Diane. I am having counselling and have some consultations planned later this month to discuss the best routes to consider. I will also discuss further fertility counselling options as the lady I see not does not specialise in that area but is helping me through the rubbish I seem to have put my way this last year. My break ups so recent I'm only just coming to terms with that but do feel I'd worked through so much whilst still with him as this outcome was becoming more and more likely.
I know with low AMH to get the amount of eggs I'd need to freeze could take numerous round of drugs and treatment which I will struggle to afford and will also take its toll on me when I'm already feeling so weak emotionally. I will not be rushing anything though and will take time to research and consider all options available to me first.
Hi, I’m sorry to hear about your break up, it really does sound traumatic.
I will give you a different perspective, i waited to find that special someone to have kids with and I got to 39 and realised that I needed a plan B. I decided to go down the donor sperm route on my own. I was extremely lucky for it to work first time so at 41 I had a little girl. It then took me 1.5yrs- 4 transfers and PGTA testing to fall pregnant again with a sibling at age 43.
I grieved for what I could have had with a partner but more than anything I wanted to be a mum and I wish I had done this sooner. I know I have been lucky to have found normal embryos so quickly at my age. I would consider donor sperm route to bank embryos rather than eggs to increase your chances. The added pressure of trying to find someone who you want to be with for the rest of life when you are on a timer is so much pressure. Even if you don’t use them at least they are there.
I hope everything works out for you and you take the time to look after yourself x
Thank you. Since March when we got the news my AMH was low and the consultat advised IVF asap our loves went in such a different direction. I panicked and sped through planning IVF thinking of never be a mum and my partner started to freak out. So sad but clearly just not meant to be as we fought hard to pull it back and just couldn't. So time for next steps.
It's so good to hear from people who have been here, made these choices and maybe have some regrets. This is what helps understand the options and consider them all before deciding the best route for me.
I've always dreamt of being a mum one day and I will be. I want to focus and even adopt in the future but I've always wanted my own first.
I'm thinking embryos may be the safer bet, the stats are better over frozen eggs and who knows...once Ive been through that process I may even decide the time is now. I'm lucky to have lots of support and although I've never wanted to be a single parent I know I can give any children the love they need and the upbringing they deserve...men come and go I guess.
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so glad to hear you got your babies x
Hi,So sorry to hear of your relationship breakdown. I remember splitting up with someone aged 34 and all my friends saying you've got lots of time don't worry, but I then put a huge pressure on myself to find a man and before I knew it I was 40, nothing had worked out, i was single and childless.
A friend of mine had used donor sperm and froze the embryos when she was 38, her doctor said don't risk egg freezing, it's too much of a gamble. She's now sitting there with a 18 mth baby and I'm having to switch to donor after a lot of failed treatments. We did our first transfers at the same time.
If genetics is that important to you, I would use donor sperm and freeze the embryos now. I wish I could go back and tell myself that. You'll take the pressure off yourself and who knows, you might not need them, but they would be there just incase.
I'm sp sorry to hear of all you have been through. Failed treatments whilst seeing others work is the absolute pits, even though you're happy for them.i fond myself getting more and more envious and upset when my friends are having their second and third children and I still have none. I'm the most person in my entire family and I think my mum used to worry if be pregnant as soon as I hit an age old enough to know how to make a baby. But life's not been that kind to me and many more before me.
I have had a few replies about embryos being the safer bet to freezing eggs.
I want to give myself the best chances I just worry if I do go on to meet someone and my eggs are all frozen with someone else's sprem, what could we do then but I need to focus on the here and now and what will give me my best chances to have my little genetic me.
I also need to consider the cost. I know when we spoke to the consultant in Leeds he said if I lose a little weight...I'm currently size 14/16 then the drugs will work better and he would give me stronger drugs than before. This means that hopefully I'll have better results than the last round where we only had 6 follicles react, 5 extracted, 4 with eggs, 3 to possibly fertilise and only 1 that did. My god that was a horrible 24hrs. They didn't prepare us for how quickly your chances diminish.
Sounds like I have a lot to think about but I appreciate you sharing your story and I wish you all the very best in reaching your goal of being a mum.
It sounds like you have been through so much already but are very strong xx
the chances of being successful with IVF with <35 year old eggs is so much greater. If I were you (and I wish I could go back in time) I would freeze. I’ve actually encouraged my sister who is freezing her eggs at 31 because she has AMH of 5 and is single but wants children in the future.
My philosophy is that you can always make more money, but my life won’t be complete without a child.
Thank you. Being a mum to my own little genetic me is everything to me.
I lost so much this year, hopes and dreams, my home and my family. I just cannot give up on this last dream.
I will definitely be looking into this to work out which route is best. I know embryos give a higher chance of success than freezing eggs alone. I just didn't want all my eggs tied up with donor sperm in case I do meet Mr right in the next few years but we cannot tell what is around the corner so must plan for the here and now.
Appreciate you sharing and wish you all the best also x
I'm so glad to hear your decision paid off for you and wish you all the best.
I am seriously considering freezing eggs or maybe even embryos. I just need to find out what the consultant would suggest and then research. It's such a mind field isn't it.
Plus the cost...as a single woman now about to rebuild a new home and life, I know I'll be financially and emotionally drained for a while but I will find my fight as I am not giving in on my dreams of at least one little genetic me.
Thank you for sharing. The stats are realistic to how our last round of IVF went
6 folices
5 extracted well
Only 4 had eggs
Only 3 could be fertilised and only 1 did fertilise and get to blast stage for transfer...such a shame that little one didn't cling on.
I know they said lose a but of weight.. currently size 14/16 and stronger drugs will help get more follicles reacting so I now need to focus on some weight loss.
Get my head back in the game after feeling too drained this last few months especially.
Can I ask...did they not advise to freeze more eggs. Someone told me they usually want to freeze as many as 20 to give you higher chances of success x
I was 39 years old, single and low AMH of 5pmol/l. Despite the low odds I decided to freeze my eggs, they managed to freeze 3. I was also told I needed 20 to 30 frozen eggs. You can read more about my journey on my profile. To cut a long story short, i met someone at 40 years but he was just divorced with two children so not ready to start a family with me. I continued to batch my eggs while we dated and he supported me through that. Eventually at 42 years we started trying for a baby naturally then went to use my frozen eggs, which I now had 9 of. I only got one embryo but it stuck, and I am now 30 weeks pregnant. I will be nearly 44 years when baby is born.
I still can't believe it until the baby is in my arms. If you have the finances, I would freeze your eggs.
Although using donor sperm and freezing embryos will give better chance, you are young and have time to meet someone to have a child with them.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. The time element is what has driven me and my ex apart as he was panicking about if he was ready but then didn't want to take any of my time whilst he git his shit together. I was panicking I'd run out of eggs after the consultant said IVF asap. I feel if I'd reached out then and found out what I know now I'd have not stressed anywhere as much as I did about time. Low AMH is worrying but I still have the same AMH levels 9months later. They scared us and sent us into a panic.
Now I just want to take some time to research and consider my best options.
I know I may meet someone in time but I just do not want to risk that being so long and then my eggs quality would be less and possibly not have much AMH at all by then.
I will consider egg or embryo freezing for sure and I appreciate your advice.
I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and venture into motherhood. I am sure you cannot wait to get that little one into your arms xx
Thank you. Regarding AMH levels, mine stayed very similar over 3 or 4 years. Only dropped by 1 unit so sometimes it can be stable over a number of years but it's hard not to think the worst I know
It's also the fact my egg quality will start falling now too so its what to do for the best.I know these clinics will advise me but they will also want my money so its hard to know what to do for the best.
I'm hoping I'll be able to get my head straight over the next few months whilst i decide x
I am really sorry that you are in this situation as it is hard to re-gain the strength after the break up. In my opinion you are doing a right thing thinking of freezing the eggs/embrios. I personally have an IVF at age 39 and it worked however I didn't have an issue with egg reserve.
My relationship broke when I was 32 and I meet someone 3 years later. It took another few years to arrive to the decision to have kids. Unfortunately, time is not on women's side so I would defo recommend the freezing option. You could consider doing a mixture - the eggs & embrios with a sperm donor. I understand that this is not ideal but you
Never know what life will bring. I personally know someone who went for IVF with her own egg and donor sperm & despite of all challenges is a very happy & fullfull mum. One of my friend also had an early menopause so at age of 38 had to go with egg donor route.
The choice is obviously yours and I will keep my fingers crossed for you & wish you all the best.
Thank you for the message and for sharing your personal and friends experiences.
It's good to know other have been in similar places as it helps me understand I'm not alone. I will be taking some time out to rebuild my strength whilst I consider all of my options. Times never going to be on my side with this but if I can make a well educated decision and find some peace once I know I've done everything I can to give me the best chance of being a mum in the future then I should find some peace.
I have always wanted to adopt and Foster so that will be a consideration too and of all this IVF fails then that is something I could consider sooner than I had initially planned.
Good luck with your journey. I hope you get the results you wish for xx
Hi, I am currently 34 and I have done two rounds of egg freezing so can share my experience. I had a fertility test 4 months before I turned 34. My AFC was good (19) but AMH was on the low side at 8.9. I had my AMH tested again because I didn’t want it to be low and was hoping a retest would be better. My AMH went down to 6 in just 2 weeks. I was confused as I thought AMH wasn’t meant to fluctuate. Since then I have done two rounds of egg freezing. I had loads of follicles on my first round (around 30!) lots of eggs were collected but I only had 6 mature but believe I was triggered too early. I changed clinics and had another round 5 months later. I had less follicles in this round (14) and only 8 grew enough on day of trigger but all were mature. I am now looking at doing a third round but abroad (I live abroad). I just had my AMH retested and it is now 2.5 (down from 8.9 in a year). I need to get advice on this as I’m not sure how there can be such a big difference within 2 weeks and then a big drop again a year later. I don’t regret freezing but hate that I’m having to do so many rounds. I don’t know if I will have trouble conceiving as I’ve never tried, and I know AMH doesn’t determine egg quality and I’m still ovulating each month. But with the way my AMH is going I’m worried that if I find I have fertility issues naturally, In a few years time IVF would not be possible as it would yield too few eggs and would be pointless. I’d love to hear if anyone else has experienced big differences in AMH in a matter of weeks or a huge drop in a year.
AMH is so confusing and the problem is no one can give you a time frame or an idea of how quickly it could diminish...this is what sent me into a panic when we got the results in March. It all became about time and that added so much stress.
Due to that I decided I'm September( after we had delayed the second round of IVF whilst working on our relationship) to take a further AMH test. That was 6 months since the initial one said my levels were 4.1pmol and to my surprise the results came back slightly higher at 6pmol.
It caused so much confusion as the initial consultation worh Manchester fertility and their consultat and instilled so much fear into me about time pressures on treatment that I got angry that clearly that was not the case.
I had been taking something I found after much research called Impryl, its not cheap but I thought I'd pay anything to help get my AMH better. I've been taking that since March along with COQ10, Vitamins C, D, zinc and magnesium and more.
Whether this helped I will never know but maybe look them up just on case.
I know AMH can fluctuate slightly but those figures do look worrying in regards to the speedy drop.. have you discussed this with your clinic and asked them if this is something they have seen before?
If not then that would be where I would start. Also add your own post on here to get more advice...not as many ppl will see of its just a comment on my post. I find this site so helpful for those going through similar to me. You get lots of support and some amazing advice.
I wish you all the best and even success on your journey. It sounds like you've been on it some time so don't forget to take the odd but of time out when life will allow you to. This journey is scary, emotional and tiring at the best of times xxx
Hi FRLA,
Sorry to hear about your situation I have been there myself and didn’t freeze my eggs. I had years of fertility problems and treatment which led to my break up. I also worried but thought I’d wait and see what life brought me. The situation you are in now just feels so unfair because you think your life is on a fertility calendar. I was the same I wanted a child so much and it kind of dominated a lot of my life decisions. Your story just echos mine from what I’ve read - even to using the same clinic !
In my late 30’s I ended up with a beautiful man who I was friends with throughout school and he doesn’t have any children (we never thought we would meet someone our ages without children) and are now on our IVF journey with Donor Eggs.
I don’t think anyone can make this decision but you, there are so many options, you could freeze your eggs, you could use donor sperm when you have healed from your breakup and do it alone or you could meet someone else later in life and use donor eggs, you may even meet someone and have ivf with your own.
I think just take a bit of time out and have you time then decide if you want to freeze
It sounds so much like your journey has been the similar to mine.
I honestly thought I'd found my man and after an amazing year to finally start trying for that family I'd always dreamt of...3 babies...plus he had a son already...it was my dream come true.
(I also feel there's no chance of meeting someone without children at my age now and after having to walk away from a boy who I've helped raise for 4 years, I think it would be much easier to find someone without children but that's so unlikely with me only getting older and everyone around seems to have children now. I'm the only one in my family without them. )
We got referred after 12 months of TTC without any signs of pregnancy to the NHS but with covid and delays we decided to go private last February as we'd made no progress in 1 year with the NHS, it was adding to the stress.
That is when it all started tumbling down and my AMH came back as very low for my age.
Safe to say it either brings you together or tears you apart and unfortunately for us ot was the latter BUT this has shown me that maybe i needed more than he was offering in regards to support and emotional maturity.
Although my journey will now be even scarier i do feel its the right choice.
I need to rebuild my strength and work out my best options.
Donor eggs could be something I'd have to consider in the future but after so much loss of dreams, hopes, our little Blastacycst , I cannot give up on my hopes of having at least one little genetic me one day.
I'm so glad you found your man and are now on your journey and I hope you get your results and soon.
I may meet someone in time but time alone to work out who I am again is what I need...for so long I've been feeling scared and lost due to all of this.
Time to stop worrying and find me again.
Thanks so much for the support and for sharing your story xx
Hi, I have a similar experience in that I split with my partner after our first ivf cycle, and I was 35 at the time. I desperately wanted to be a mum, he already had kids and wasn’t overly bothered. We had a chemical pregnancy with our one and only embryo and that pretty much sealed the deal. The day those two lines disappeared, I was at home by myself completely distraught, whilst he was out with his kids at McDonald’s (they didn’t even know I existed!).
Enough was enough. I had a low AMH and AFC as well, and initially looked into egg freezing but two different clinics both advised against it. Unless you are likely to get tonnes and tonnes of eggs, it’s going to be a huge uphill struggle. I would’ve probably needed at least seven collections to get up to 20 eggs.
My luck changed massively when I found my now partner very soon after all this. We had known each other for years and it made perfect sense. I wasn’t expecting it to happen at all. I was starting to look into sperm donation so I could at least freeze a couple of embryos. They have a much higher success rate than frozen eggs, and had I not started a new relationship, that is 100% the route I would’ve gone down. I could’ve had embryos frozen that I never then needed, but I’d rather that than felt like I’d missed the opportunity!
People saying ‘ but you’re still young’ is so unhelpful in this situation so I totally empathise. My egg reserve is dwindling rapidly, I’m now 36 and I have literally no time to waste anymore. I’ve done two more collections with my new partner, both failed. We will be doing two more this year, and if this doesn’t work out, it will be onto donor eggs. I’m so beyond desperate to be a mother that I’m not letting anything stop me!
Wishing you all the best with your journey, I can honestly say that you never know what’s around the corner xx
Hey, your story certainly does echo although it sounds like you're a lot further into the process than I am yet.
It's such a mind field isn't it.
I still feel overwhelmed with what to do for the best but I've just seen my counsellor and she's telling me to try not to think ot all over too much. I only moved out of my home on 17th December so its still very raw.
I've some appointments at the end of the month, one with the NHS consultant and one with a private clinic...both now aware of my situation so it will be great to get advice from both. The NHS can't help me now so that's purely advice and talking me through the options, the private clinic is to discuss options also but as they will be after my money they may try point me in one direction or another. I should be well equipped and ready for it. Hopefully then things will start to make more sense.
I really wish you all the best and hope you get your happy ending...it certainly sounds like its been a long journey for you so far but I'm glad you've now got the support you have needed..this journey is horrendous and support is everything ❤️ xx
Unfortunately, biological clock is not on our side, and eggs start to get lower quality (in some women) at the age 35+. There are cases of women aged 45+ who conceived naturally without any issues. However, there are ladies 25+ who cannot conceive cos of egg quality. Unfortunately, you cannot and won't be able to reverse the process of eggs getting worse. If you can freeze eggs in a reliable clinic, I would recommend. Or if you are open to IVF DE, just in case, then I would not consider freezing them.
yes biological clock has been the scariest thing since hearing my AMH is low. That's what sent me into a panic and has landed me here.. although I am starting to realise my relationship wasn't what I needed as I'd never have got all of the support needed for this journey.
I have some appointments at the end of the month to get more info about all of the possible options. I'm really hoping that starts to get my mind back together as atm it's all over the place.
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IVF and fluid filled tube - is this how it's meant to be done?
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IVF vs trying naturally with low AMH 
IVF or investigations first?
