Feels like not ever going to get our own baby.

[Jorab]

Having finished second cycle of ivf without any luck (first cycle two embryos transferred but failed & this cycle, no embryos to transfer) it now feels the end of the line. I am 42 so my age is against me but I did not meet my husband until we were late 30s & have been trying for a baby. We do not qualify for NHS treatment so it costs too much to have much more treatment especially as doctors told us we only have a 10% chance of ivf working for us due to poor quality eggs (we had 8 eggs collected so numbers not too bad but none developed well enough to transfer) . What can anyone suggest to cope with this please? We are still trying naturally but told only 2-3% chance of that being successful either. Any alternatives or suggestions please.

[Hidden]

hi Jorab,

Sorry to hear your 2nd cycle failed. With your age at 42, have you thought about using donor eggs? I turned 40 and on my first cycle and with the low odds I looked into donor eggs in case this didn’t work.

Might be an avenue worth exploring as the odds are so much more favourable for us apparently oldies.

Don’t give up, I know this journey is so hard . I hope it all works out for you 🤞

[Jorab in reply to Hidden]

Hi Waitingforthebean.

Thanks for your suggestion. I think we need to talk to our clinic about it. I had thought about the possibility of a donor egg but not discussed it further. I think there is quite a waiting list which is not good as already older. My husband is not sure about it but not convinced either way at the moment. So frustrating with this lock down too.

[crisps88]

So sorry to hear your situation. Bad quality eggs can effect any age. I would really think about donor eggs if you were to be able to consider another ivf cycle.

There are other options for you both it’s not too late. Xxx

[annakondratyeva]

Dear Jorab

Sorry to hear about your failed cycle. I have also just had my failed ivf cycle. This was our first cycle and i am 38. I haven't met my RE yet, but i suspect that the failure was mainly because of my poor eggs. I only had 4 eggs retrieved and only one of the embryos was good enough for transfer (day 3).

We decided to change the strategy and try donor eggs during our next cycle, hopefully in autunn. I don't want continue gambling with my eggs any longer. We hope it will give us better chances.

When i first thought about donor eggs and that the child won't be mine genetically, it hurt, but now i reconciled myself to this idea, because the most important thing for me is to have a family

[Jorab in reply to annakondratyeva]

Thank you for your reply. My concerns with the idea of donor eggs is, as you said, about the child would not genetically be mine. I wonder how I would feel when people say the child takes after their parent. That would be true if it was my husband but not me. I think that is the concerns my husband has as he says he would like to feel the baby would be our baby. I think that is something I would have to think about a lot but I really do want a baby.

[Maisie234]

You are not alone. Much like the other replies I am going to try donor eggs in the autumn. Ill be 43 in November and had too many failures to try my own eggs next time I don't have the strength to go through another round and I will live with resentment if I don't try this option. Never did I ever think this would be my life but here I am. Many people have done it and are happy with their decision. As far as money goes, abroad is definitely cheaper if you can stretch to it. I had a friend get give birth at 47, her clinic offered a partial refund if no success and she used her own eggs! XXX

[Cinderella5]

Hi Jorab, we were in a similar situation to you....met in our late 30's and tried wthout success however I was lucky enough tobe referred early on and got some NHS treatment. We were unsuccessful and like you money wasnt endless so made the tought decision to move to DE. We havent has success just yet but we are hopeful we can get there. The odds with DE are much increased than using our own....Im now 42 too and 43 this year and my hubby has a very low sperm count which cant be improved. We just felt that if this is what gives us our family then it was worth a shot. Its not for everyone so I hope I havent offended you, maybe just something to think about. We are also doing treatment in Greece as no waiting lists for donors over there however most clinics in the UK and abroad have suspended treatments for now. Feel free to ask me any questions on here or privately by PM if you prefer.xx

[Hidden]

I am in a similar position 43 and 4 failed cycles under my belt. My OH won’t consider donor eggs and I struggle with the concept.

Simple thing but do you take supplements etc? We have a tiny chance naturally but we are ttc during lockdown as we might as well and having nothing to lose. I am taking loads of supplements a day to try and improve my chances.. although they are probably cancelled out by all the wine I’ve been drinking! So from next Monday I am back on ivf diet just without ivf

Masses of luck xx

[Mary80]

I will be 40 in two wks, had been trying for six years, one miscariage at 34 and two failed ivf.

Yes, I was considering donor egg becos I was close to depression and anxiety. With my husbands sperm and even though child will not be genetically mine, at least I will be pregnant, breastfeed and take care of the child.

My concern was that in UK, when the child gets to 18yrs he has the right to know whom the biological mum is which I don't really like. Abroad, anonymity is considered which is better for me.

Do think about these.

I conceived naturally by the special grace of God. I used clear blue digital to track two most fertile days, day before and ovulation day. I was on supplement for two months - proceive maximum for women while my husband was taking proxeed plus for men. It's very good for sperm counts and low motility/morphology, how the sperm swims to reach the eggs.

After sex, don't get up stay in bed for few hours, raise legs up for 10 to 20mins.

And most importantly prayers, God will see you through.

It will all end in praise.