Hi all of you wonderful people, I hope you’re all well and apologies in advance for offloading!
My husband and I have recently gone through a failed round of ICSI (3x positive tests over 3 days then miscarriage at 5 weeks). I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve, but responded well to the treatment and even managed 9 eggs of which 5 were mature. We were delighted.
I was under the impression that most people are able to freeze what isn’t transferred (I now know this isn’t true and I wish my clinic had explained this before egg retrieval). However, of the 5 mature eggs, only 2 fertilised after ICSI which we were totally unprepared for and pretty devastated (I know some people get none out, but I just didn’t understand how many dropped off after ICSI). Of the 2 we had left, one dropped off over the weekend before ET so we had one 5AA which was transferred and this we then lost.
I can’t wrap my head around how out of 9 eggs retrieved we ended up with just 1 and then that failed. Will we ever have any to freeze? I just can’t see how we will. The people I know who had OHSS, they have all had multiple embryos to freeze so they can transfer when they’re ready, so how come we were told only 25% of our clinics patients have embryos which are good enough to freeze?!
That’s my first question!
When people say 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, how can that statistic be true? I’ve now miscarried 3 times and not one of my friends have. To be clear, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone…ever, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through and I’m glad none of my friends have, but that’s just it. None of them have. We have 11 of our closest other couple friends are now pregnant or have their baby/babies (even twins!) and none of them have had any issues at all and trust me, they would tell us if they had as they all know what we’re going through. Just to reiterate, my heart breaks for anyone who has miscarried and I’m so glad none of my friends have. I’m just confused and trying to process my own situation.
Does this mean that most likely either all of my eggs have issues? Or is it my husband (he has low morphology and motility). Or, most likely, a combination?!
We are now waiting until I have have recurrent miscarriage testing at 7 weeks post miscarriage; however, we have been told it’s highly unlikely that the results will come back with anything. Now I just now can’t see us ever having our own baby, I can’t imagine ever being able to carry past 5 weeks and I just don’t know myself anymore. Ever since we had our fertility results, I just haven’t known the person I’ve become. The person who got married in 2021 with no fertility worries is not the person I am now.
I’m so sorry again for offloading, but I’m just trying to mentally work through things. Thank you so much in advance xxx
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green121292
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hey I am so sorry to read what you are going through. I have had 3 colllections with 13/15/11 eggs and only ended up with 2/3 embryos each time. Unfortunately I also then have another step of genetic testing because of a condition I carry so each time only had one for transfer. These have ended in failure, miscarriage and currently 21 weeks pregnant. So I don’t think your numbers are a disaster (although feel like they are)
In terms of miscarriage going through ivf or months of ttc makes us very in tune with our bodies, we test early and are very aware. Lots of miscarriages happen very early so either before period is due or period is just a few days late which people who do not track or have varied cycles don’t realise.
huge congratulations, that’s very exciting for you!
I know you’re so right re the miscarriages, it’s just so hard as I’ve now known I’ve been pregnant 3 times after testing and I’m just terrified I can’t carry for whatever reason.
Oh bless you. Please, please don’t try to understand why these things happen and why they happen to certain people and not others - there will never be a fair answer. It’s the same as illness, war and all other awful things… sometimes, life is just shitty!
Many other times though, life is beautiful and full of miracles 💜
We found our clinic weren’t entirely honest through our first cycle (we’re on our second now). I politely confronted them about it and they explained they have little choice. Even with all the research completed on fertility, there are still hundreds of unanswered questions and hundreds of variables for each couple. They said it’s impossible to know for certain what will happen at any stage of IVF and so try not to advise on any possible outcomes, preferring instead to remain as positive and upbeat as possible. I feel for them actually… it can’t be an easy job at times. I do understand how you feel though… but we def found the second cycle was much easier to deal with, mentally.
Just for context. My partner and I have unexplained infertility, which has only been put down to my age (41), despite my AMH etc all being reasonable. We had 7 eggs collected in the first cycle, two got to day five and we transferred both - no success.
This cycle we had 9 eggs, and three have got to day five (my meds were altered slightly this time). We’ve put two back and frozen one - though there’s still no guarantee it’ll survive the thaw… 🤯 Your numbers sound good to me, though I know it’s disappointing - I felt the same.
It’s all just so hard but there is SO much we can’t control … so it really is best to try not to overthink it (easy to say I know!) Take time to heal and grieve and look after yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll know what to do next.
thank you so much for your message and huge good luck for this cycle!
I completely agree for the clinic, they have been amazing and we are so lucky to have them, I just wish they had been a little more upfront regarding the freezing. I suppose a lot of it because we are incredibly fortunate that we get 3 fresh and 3 frozen rounds on NHS, however, if we never get any frozen then we can use those rounds and that my fear.
Very similar story here, low AMH. I've had 4 rounds, first 2, I only had one embryo (out if 4 eggs) transferred fresh both ended in miscarriage. 3rd round got no eggs at all. Moved clinics and 4th round got 9 eggs, 5 mature, only 2 fertilised but both made it to blastocyst. Transferred one and froze the other, first time I've had something to freeze. Fresh transfer failed so hoping a frozen transfer will be my lucky one 🙏. Don't give up, if you are not happy with your clinic get a 2nd opinion, best thing I ever did.
Thank you for your message, it’s very exciting that you have one frozen, congratulations!
Oddly our doctor said that he thinks there is a higher success rate with frozen embryos…which is a bit weird as you’d think they would then freeze them before the transfer!
I wonder if its maybe a sign that the embryo is stronger if its made it to freeze then been thawed successfully? Or the fact your body is in a better state as it hasn't just been through stims? Either way 🤞
I would recommend that your husband have a DNA fragmentation test done. With three early miscarriages and a rather low fertilisation rate, it sounds like there could be more issues with your partner's sperm than just low motility and morphology. If it does turn out that he has high sperm DNA fragmentation, your clinic will need to use a more advanced sperm selection tool - like PICSI, IMSI, MACS or ZyMot - to help select non-damaged sperm.
The test isn't covered by the NHS so you'll need to pay out of pocket, but it's really worthwhile to do before you embark on another cycle. Most IVF clinics offer it.
thank you so much, I really appreciate your advice. I’ve had a quick look and it’s not hugely expensive for just DNA fragmentation and I think you’re right that it’s definitely worth us doing before the next round if I’m already doing the recurrent miscarriage testing.
I will speak to my husband and suggest we do this too so thank you again! Xxx
Good luck! I hope you're able to get some answers from the tests. In a weird way, it can often be reassuring to find out when things are wrong so that you know what needs to be fixed.
If your husband isn't already taking a multivitamin, I would also have him start one. Sperm (and eggs) take three months to develop, so if he starts taking something soon you might be able to see some improvement before your next cycle. Taking a combination of Impryl and Proxeed Plus seems to work well for a lot of men. xxx
Hi, I’m sorry for your loss. I think the first round is a massive eye opener and there are so many variables. Just wanted to say that I had nothing to freeze and one early blastocyst to transfer on Day 5 of my first round (ICSI) from 8 eggs retrieved. Then I did the exact same protocol, no sig changes, 9 eggs, and got 4 blastocysts Day 5 + 2 less good ones. Making sense of it is one of the hardest things! I’m still going. Wishing you all the best on your journey x
I’m so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately many of us aren’t able to freeze embryos. I’ve had 4 fresh cycles, getting an average of 10 eggs each time. In total I’ve only ever had 1 remaining embryo to freeze. If it was your first attempt your clinic will likely tweak your protocol, it is all a bit trial and error. Sending strength. Xx
thank you so much for your message and lots of love to you xx
I’m sorry for the losses you have been through. I also had 3 miscarriages all very early around that 5/6 weeks.
When my husband was tested on NHS they told him all was fine with his sperm, however when we went private to a private fertility clinic on the tests that they did on him it turns out that there was a problem with his sperm so seems like the private clinic do a more in-depth test than NHS.
Based on the findings we did PICSI rather than IVF or IVF + ICSI. We had 7 eggs, 4 made to day 5, 2 eggs but in but then we didn’t have any to freeze as at day 6 it was deemed that they were not right.
Luckily we got pregnant with one baby who is now 2. I wouldn’t get too focused on the numbers as it’s true it just takes one egg. Also push to see if your can get other tests done on the sperm and see if they offer PICSI. I did also have embryo glue but this is not proven to work as per the HEFA website but we were willing to try anything.
Good luck with your journey, hope your time will come very soon 🤞
thank you for your message - it’s so interesting as I’d never heard of PICSI before posting this message. I’ve since been in touch with our clinic about doing DNA fragmentation testing and to ask if they would offer any additional treatment (like PICSI etc). Hopefully they’ll respond today so we can find out. Thank you again xx
Hi, I can see alot of other helpful people have responded about the IVF medical side, which isn't something I have experience of as I've only just complete 3 rounds of IUI (single/donor sperm) which all unfortunately failed so will be moving to IVF after a mental break but I really did want to reply how you are feeling, "not the person you were prior to the fertility issues". I fully understand that and wanted to say I know it not easy, although a different route to you with regards to treatment we really do pin our hopes on it and it becomes such a big focus for which we willingly make sacrifices and when we don't get the outcome we want it's heartbreaking. Yet the focus on fertility can be so intense that you lose interest in anything else that used to brings joy, for me the simple things such as dance classes/swimming/sewing I stopped due to lack of interest or trying to be as safe as possible in 2WW, I even look back now on the past 6months (been in planning much longer but only just been able to have treatment) and can see that decision I've made are all influenced by my want to be a Mommy and by doing so I've lost sight of who I am as "me".
It's made me realise (and with the help to speaking to others on here) I need to take a mental health break from Fertility and do "me" things, things that bring me joy and are not fertility related but allowing myself a certain amount of time each week to dedicate to my next steps fertility prep, such as doing what I can to improve my egg quality, researching other clinics, looking at IVF programmes (self finding). Also realising that the things we are willing to do to have a baby such as cutting out caffeine/alcohol, a better diet and exercise are also beneficial to ourselves, so rather than me thinking of that as a fertility dedication I'm going to see it as a dedication to make me the best me, for myself! I'm hoping with the small steps I can go into IVF feeling like the strong person I know I am compared to a person I barely recognise. Maybe this is something you may consider, I don't feel I could take a full break away from all things fertility as I would feel it's lost time, but for me the above feels a good compromise.
you are so right and thank you very much for your message! I’m sending you huge good luck for IVF and there’s a great support network here for when you’re going through it. I’m sending you lots of good vibes and hoping it will all go well for you! Thank you again xx
I just want to say firstly I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Having suffered miscarriage myself I know there are always unanswered questions that you want answering. And not having them answered is the hardest.
It always seems unfair when you’re having problems and all your friends around you are not and you think why me?
IVF is not for the faint-hearted and anyone who enters it needs a real steely mental aspect.
However, on statistics, it sadly doesn’t work like it does for everyone. But I looked into this myself. 1 in 4 women will miscarry. Just because none of your friends have doesn’t mean that 6 or 7 women who are nearby to you haven’t. It’s not the stats to look at but the 1 in 4 that tells you it’s so sadly very common. And for every 5 eggs a woman has, one is likely to miscarry as it’s a sad fact of life that dud eggs (and sperm) exist.
A loss at 5 weeks is actually a chemical pregnancy and I make this distinction because there are actually a lot of people out there that lose a pregnancy in this time and don’t realise they’re pregnant. Sadly IVF makes you very aware of the potential but the fact is women lose these pregnancies all the time and don’t even know.
I’m only saying all this to try and make sense of the stats you quote and not to try and make it clinical - it’s so so sad when a person loses a potential baby and I’m not taking any of that away from you. In time it helped me to rationalise the sad fact of miscarriage being normal and apparently a first pregnancy being very common for miscarriage. For you you’ve had more than one disappointment. I had a loss at 12 weeks from a natural pregnancy, followed by a failed FET followed by a successful one. So it can happen and seemingly my body didn’t have anything wrong with it, it just requires a perfect scenario which is very hard to come by.
It won’t help re your husbands sperm issues, but naturally your egg will try and find a best sperm to fertilise it. Everyone suffers issues with egg quality. If I was trying naturally again I’d make my partner do the best diet and exercise for improving sperm and I would too and do everything I did before, cutting out caffeine as well as alcohol and having acupuncture and doing yoga.
I hope in time you find the resilience to deal with this and for now please be kind to yourself. Xxx
huge thank you for your message and you are totally right! It’s so hard not to cling on to those statistics and look inwards rather than outside just my group of friends and you are absolutely right.
Thank you for the advice too, I’ve now got my husband doing acupuncture as well as me and we’ve totally reassessed our lifestyle (even though we we’d already done so before starting the first round), but hopefully our time will come.
Big congratulations to you though and thank you again! Xx
aww bless you. I was worried my message was too blunt and I totally understand those feelings they’re very normal. But I’m glad you’re making steps to relax yourself and try and improve chances. It‘s hard to stay positive but you’re doing so well ❤️❤️❤️
Also something that might help you, I was told by my GP to have naturally occurring methyl folate - not folic acid. As the former is the natural kind and the latter the synthetic kind. Apparently studies have found some women can’t tolerate folic acid in the synthetic form which can cause issues with the pregnancy. I used fertility bud but you can check the ingredients on the back of packet to find a blend of vitamins that will be good. X
My heart goes out to you. I know how devastating it is to have back to back miscarriages. I've had 7 total and 5 back to back.Please keep in mind that statistics take into consideration very early miscarriages, when women don't even know they are pregnant, they just think they got a heavy period a few days late.
Our friends had miscarriages they just don't know it. We are the ones desperately testing as soon as period is missed because we know an embryo is already there.
Those are general statistics that count everyone; IVF and non IVF pregnancies.
I know your heart is broken. You are so young, don't despair. Your rainbow baby will come.
I was a lot older than you and after multiple failed pregnancies we decided enough was enough and we adopted an embryo from a fertility clinic. There are over 1 million frozen embryos just here in the USA, left behind from IVF's, so we adopted one when we ran out of options. It was not an easy decision to make, but I was 46 years old, financially and emotionally broken.
Now i know it was the best decision I made, the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. My beautiful baby is now 2 years old and I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could.
So please stay strong, do not give up. Your baby will come! It's just so painful and unfair that you have to suffer so much in the process.
thank you for your message, I really appreciate it! Huge congratulations on your little one and I’m very grateful for you sharing your story, it’s definitely good for thought for us re donor eggs/sperm. Thank you again xx
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