How to pick up and go to the next ET after a failed ET

[Purple_skies]

Hi all, just want to get some advice on what you have done after a failed ET, having known that some of you have tried so many times. I do not know other people who are doing IVF and this group has helped me alot.

[Klndmr]

Hey there, first of all I'm so sorry for your failed FET. This journey is so tough and can suck out even the last beam of positivity you've got. But as I believe we have no choice but to pick ourselves up and crack on. Personally with me after a failure a have a few critical weeks, I just let myself be as miserable as I want to be, I watch Netflix, I stay away from people 🤣🤣🤣 and just spent my time walking my dog, talking to family and cooking for hubby. I repeat myself every day that things will work out and sooner or later I'll get my miracle.

But in all honesty what helps me the most is planning ahead. And I always start planning ahead almost immediately after my losses. I just feel safer, and better when I think about the future. I plan on when I'll go again what I'll do different next time, I research things that might help me improve the outcome next time and I just dream of the future. I've been always one of those people who don't like to get stuck in a hole for too long. And I always remind myself that getting here wasn't easy and if I can go through what I've been through I can manage anything ❤️ You too! Don't you ever forget you are a warrior and don't let infertility overwhelm you for too long, she is a b...tch and just try to ignore her and show her you are a strong and determined woman and nothing will stop you!

And one more thing, when you feel down and discouraged have a good cry take it all out and don't keep anything inside. We are all here for you 🥰❤️❤️❤️

[HedgehogMad]

I am also the same as Klndmr - I go into research mode and plan what I'm going to ask the consultant in follow up and what I might ask we can do differently next time. I've had 3 failed transfers so far (all 3 of my top quality embryos) and this latest one hit me hard. Was really sad and tearful for just over a week or so but then managed to pick up and enjoy doing my hobbies/planning nice things. Failed cycles are horrible and I would say let yourself feel sad for as long as it takes, be kind to yourself and get stuck into things that you enjoy. I am trying to focus on all the things that bring me joy outside of the horrible TTC journey. X

[Purple_skies in reply to HedgehogMad]

My husband seems to take it quite hard, eve asked if we should take a longer break before going for another ET.

For me, I did do some research. Currently I have 4 frozen embryos.

But I cannot test them as they are frozen.

I thought about ERA, but I may not fulfill criteria to do one since I only had 1 failed ET.

Besides all these, I got no other things in mind to try and improve chances.

I also worry if the frozen ones will spoil during thawing..

Basically quite helpless on how to improve chances.

[HedgehogMad in reply to Purple_skies]

Have you spoken to your consultant yet? They should be happy to talk through the best options with you. I was told the first couple of times it is just bad luck, we tweaked a couple of things with the protocol but they said it was likely to be a problem with the embryos. We are similar, all embryos frozen so can't test now. Have our follow up appointment today for the 3rd failure, hoping to get some answers and a plan.

[Purple_skies in reply to HedgehogMad]

May I ask what did they tweak for you?

[HedgehogMad in reply to Purple_skies]

I had 1 fresh transfer and 2 natural FETs. 1st FET was completely natural, 2nd FET added trigger shot, progesterone and steroids

[Purple_skies in reply to HedgehogMad]

Thanks for the info. Will pray that we will succeed next time! Just curious, what is the difference between procedure for fresh vs frozen embryo transfer?

[Eloquentia]

It is really hard, isn't it! What helped us a lot was going away on holiday. It really reset us for the next round. Stay strong and good luck!

[Purple_skies in reply to Eloquentia]

It is difficult for us to get leave so I doubt we can do so therefore we did staycation. Not sure if the effect will be same as going overseas.

[Twiglet2]

another vote for exactly what Klndmr said so brilliantly! I also do things that I couldn’t have done if it had worked (glass of wine, hot tub, foods I would have excluded, go on holiday, nights out etc). I’m so sorry it failed after all the effort and planning it’s such a deflating moment so defo make sure you let all the emotions come too 🤗💜 xx