How do you pick yourself back up and keep going?

[Dinobaby05]

10dpt and still BFN. Did a first response test this morning and a regular pharmacy one and there’s nothing there. To add to my misery, my sister in law is being induced tomorrow for her third natural pregnancy and I’ll have to go along and pretend everything is fine and I’m so happy for her when inside I want to scream about how unfair it all is. She smokes, overweight etc and can get pregnant without even trying - this pregnancy wasn’t planned! 🤯🤯 How do I just grin and bear it? I know this was my first transfer and some of you amazing women have had multiple and have kept going! Can I please ask how? It’s the last thing I want to do right now but I don’t have any other option. How do you pick yourself back up from this loss and go about your day to day life pretending everything is normal? I should also add I live in the UK but not from here originally so family are not close by. Just feel so isolated and alone right now. Sorry for the pity post. Xx

[Krystal_43]

Really sorry to hear this hun. I know how crushing a BFN is. I’m 6 rounds & 8 blasts in and still no BFP. The first 2ww was the worst & I didn’t know how I’d ever recover from it, but I did, and you will too ❤️ over the years, I’ve managed to shift my thinking and pregnancies don’t seem to faze me anymore - after all, it’s not their baby that I want. Do you have any Frosties? Xxx

[Dinobaby05 in reply to Krystal_43]

Thanks so much for your response Krystal_43 and sorry to hear about your transfers. 😔 We have two Frosties but they aren’t as good quality as the one we just had transferred so I’m already thinking the worst. I know what you mean about not wanting their baby but I struggle with how unfair it all seems. Any tips on how to go into the next one with a more positive mindset?

[Krystal_43 in reply to Dinobaby05]

🤣 I wish I had advice! My first three rounds I was nuts during the 2ww (read some of my posts at the the time 🫣). Then - as corny as it sounds - I made a decision to not let this process define me & things got a little easier from there. FETs are a little easier than fresh as there’s less hormones & drama before the 2ww. You also know what to expect. 🤞🤞🤞🤞 fingers crossed your next embryo is a sticky one 🤞🤞🤞

[Krystal_43 in reply to Krystal_43]

And if your Frosties were good enough to freeze, they have every chance of making a baby. Don’t get bogged down with grading!

[Dinobaby05 in reply to Krystal_43]

Thank you! ❤️

[Anxiousintrovert]

hey Dino, firstly I just want to say I’m so sorry… it never gets easier to tell you the truth, but with time you learn to get up and dust yourself off. Think of your final goal, this is just one of the steps that failed. There’ll be more steps to follow, and statistically with each try you’re more likely to succeed. Keeping you in my thoughts x

[Dinobaby05 in reply to Anxiousintrovert]

Thank you! Really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post. ❤️

[Sw1234]

I'm sorry about your BFN. My SIL announced she was pregnant the day we had our first IVF appointment and it felt so exciting that we were starting the fertility journey that her news absolutely crushed me. I found it really difficult to see her when she was pregnant but as soon as baby was born it was completely different. Hope it is for you too. With regards to your frosties, my LB was our 5th and final embryo from our first cycle. I'd had 4 BFNs before him, he should have been the "worst" quality but was the one that stuck. My clinic didn't tell me any grades but said if they're good enough to freeze they're good enough to work. Hope this reassures you about the quality of frozen

[Keepingfaith85 in reply to Sw1234]

This is really lovely to hear! Thanks for sharing x

[Dinobaby05 in reply to Sw1234]

Hi Sw1234, thanks so much for your advice. I didn’t think about it that way and it def helps. ❤️

[Nabsal]

my dear everything happen on GOD wills. Everything will be okay just stay possibly I know it’s extremely hard as I also just been throw BFN. Totall cycle failed and devastated. But need to be stay positive. You luck you still have two in freezer. Stay positive please everything will be okay .

[Tamaa]

Sorry for your BFN. I was exactly in the same head space each time after my BFN. What helped? It takes time. Give yourself time to actually get past this BFN, if you want to grieve, do so. If you need space from certain people and events, please make yourself a priority and stay in a company which can bring you peace (for me it was my own company, as I have no family here in the UK). What motivated me for further cycles was that time is running out. I didn't want to look back and regret not doing something when it needed to be done. So take a break that can get you in a position where you can be more positive, and then plan ahead.

All the best!

[Keepingfaith85]

oh no Dinobaby, I’m sorry to hear that lovely! Most of us here have been there and know how you feel. Sending you an enormous hug. You don’t have to rush to keep going, you can take all the time you need xx

[Rain415]

Hi Dinobaby. I'm sorry to hear about your transfer. I had the same and best friend just had her first baby. Read on one your replies that you have 2 in the freezer but lower quality. Our first cycle that was a BFN was top quality, it was our 3rd transfer and 2nd frozen that is now our son and the embryo was deemed lower quality. Fingers crossed for your next transfers! After my BFN I found making a plan for next steps worked for me. Even if the plan was taking a short break. X