Counselling

[Bonaire]

Hi! 👋🏼 I just had my first counselling session via zoom this morning . I wasn’t that impressed tbh. Felt like there were a lot of awkward silences and that the counsellor was constantly looking at the time at the bottom of her screen. We didn’t make it through the full hour, lasted about 40mins with no real follow up - just if I wanted to talk again to call the clinic ! ( was a counsellor service via the clinic but independent) I feel like I got absolutely nothing from this and felt like I was asking her questions!! I’m disappointed as really wanted to feel something from it!Guess I’m just wondering if this sounds normal? Maybe It’s the counsellor and I need to look round to see if I get a better experience? Thanks 

[Hidden]

Sorry you found it underwhelming, I have to admit I found the same.

Was this a pre cycle session mandated by the clinic? Its just my second clinic did this and I found it was a real box checking exercise and they just seemed to want to check we were vaguely sane and that we didn't have any big issue questions we hadn't raised previously.

I then tried two different counsellors as part of my IVF cycles, I really hoped they would help but again they did nothing for me.

I think a lot of counselling is about the relationship with the counsellor, so maybe you just didn't gel with this person and there is another one at your clinic you could try? x

[CJohns in reply to Hidden]

I second Daisys last paragraph. I’ve seen/tried 4 different counsellors over the years and I only gelled with one. I really credit counsellors that offer an initial free session, because they know that you will not always automatically gel and may need to go elsewhere xx

[Bonaire in reply to Hidden]

hey thanks for your reply.

This was after our first failed transfer.. think you’re right maybe I just didn’t gel! She was very nice but it was just odd I just felt like it was so awkward at times ! X

[sj482]

I have to say I also did not find it helpful after my chemical. As cjohns says you have to make sure you gel and I just didn’t!!

[blue_anemone]

Hey Bonaire,

I agree with the other replies. They say that it’s the relationship between the therapist/counsellor and client that is what’s therapeutic, more so than the method they use or school of thought that they subscribe to.

It’s very normal to not “click” with the first counsellor you meet, but I totally understand how disappointing and frustrating that can be..

[Bonaire in reply to blue_anemone]

thanks yes. Maybe I just need to try another one. I was so excited or it as well ! Anticlimax lol x

[blue_anemone in reply to Bonaire]

I know, I’ve been there too, it sucks.. 😫 I think I had built it up in my head that it was going to be an instant fix to all of my problems, and that it was going to come easy and natural. So, when it didn’t, it sucked even worse… 😝😂 Don’t give up hope, though, and don’t think that it’s never going to work just because it didn’t with this one person. I think we should treat it as any other relationship in our lives, we don’t give up on romance or friendship or employment when the first attempt fails 😅 And see if you can book a short chat with them before booking a full session, just to see how it feels before committing, and if they are someone you feel comfortable with.

Hope you won’t have to search for too long! ❤️

[Kitkat10]

Hi, I had a similar experience after my first failed cycle and even though I was very down at the time, I felt absolutely no benefit from the session. In fact, 5 minutes in, I knew it was a waste of time when the lady said ‘oh yes it must be concerning to know you are running out of time’ 😳 . I felt even more depressed after speaking to her and wished I had taken my dog for a walk in the sunshine instead 😂

I think it’s very hard for anyone to have the answers to the questions we crave. I thought it would be a way of thrashing through all the negative feelings I had, but it wasn’t. In the end, I just needed to chat to other people who were going or had gone through IVF and knew what it was really like x

[Bonaire]

Oh wow what a thing to say!!!

Yeah same really. Just a chance to get out some negativity and maybe some suggestions on to turn these into positives !! But I got nothing! So strange as she through the clinic I’d have thought she’d be full of experience and suggestions… but nothing! Very underwhelming and bizarre experience! X

[Soapqueen87]

I had one the other week and really wish i hadn't bothered. Felt worse than i did after it. I was told if the next one fails then i will be having a "devastating Christmas" cheers for that xx

[Bonaire in reply to Soapqueen87]

Wow what a thing to say!! How terrible :/

Sorry you had to go through that x

[darkbuthappyplace]

I felt exactly the same, really underwhelmed and disappointed. I was expecting them to guide me more and i was driving it, felt like they put all the pressure on me. Maybe it is the person itself and building a rapport but i also think in the back of my mind, do they know what it's like if they hadn't been though it. I'm almost looking for a fertility counsellor who has real life experience of it too. Maybe that's too much to ask. xx

[HollyT7]

So I had 2 sessions, each with different counsellors, the first was great, the second I didn't bother getting another appointment. Might be worth asking if they have another you can try x

[blue_anemone]

I just wanted to add that I HIGHLY recommend guided meditations. YouTube is full of them, and you can find one for whatever it is that you need.

I used to be very pragmatic and think “well, this is a bit stupid, as IF it’s going to make any difference”, and I do think that you need to trust in the process, so a certain amount of belief is required. Acceptance meditations are my favourite, and they have brought me a lot of peace.

As I’ve grown older I’ve become a lot more in tune with my spirituality and that has helped me immensely to navigate my emotions and everyday life. And even though I’d not been religious for many years, I went back to my roots and started praying, which I found extremely healing.

It took me a while to get any benefit from meditating, and I had to learn to let go of my thinking and logical brain and just surrender. But meditating and praying have been lifesavers through difficult times.

[Solly-44]

I second a lot of the replies suggesting you try someone else. I saw a counsellor via our clinic, going into our 2nd cycle and it was an absolute shit show. I got nothing from it, we weren’t compatible, and I wrote of counselling for several years. I started seeing someone else after a miscarriage, and it’s been the hugest support to me. Counselling is difficult and you will have uncomfortable silences, but I feel like you should come out of a session feeling validated and listened to. Xx

[sandra81]

after my failed cycle they suggested counseling session - provided by the clinic. It was terrible. The gentleman kept forcing me to go for a donor cycle mentioning that I had to do it for my husband. When I told him that if I decided that route I would do it for myself but at that time I wanted to deal with my options and did not want donor egg cycle he started calling me selfish. That was my experience it was not only a useless session but I would like to think harmful.

[Solly-44 in reply to sandra81]

My jaw was on the floor reading this. I’m sorry you had such an awful experience, some people shouldn’t be allowed to practice!

[sandra81 in reply to Solly-44]

you are right Solly-44 . I was really distressed for a long time afterwards and I really do think that person should not be allowed to practice.