Heartbroken

[Anonymous29]

I had an appointment with my gynaecologist on Wednesday and i left absolutely heartbroken. He had no compassion or empathy and i left feeling so embarrassed and disgusted with myself. Dont get me wrong, i understand his point as he wants me to be at a BMI of 35 before any treatment, but he was so unsupportive and i ended up having a panic attack after leaving. I honestly completely understand that weight loss is an important part of fertility treatment but I have never felt so low after that appointment. How's everyone elses appointments been? Light at the end of very shitty tunnel?

[Boo718]

hiya I am so sorry your going through this. I was 16 stone and I’m only 5 ft I busted my ass off to lose 5 stone for ivf on the nhs I got to 11 but just couldn’t get any further. So we decided to go private abroad.

They were not interested in my weight at all and said u can have a low bmi and be extremely unhealthy they also told me it was worse that I had lost so much weight as it had messed up all my hormones 🤦‍♀️ Please don’t go on a crazy diet.

Your gynaecologist sounds like a first prize prick please don’t let him get to you xxx

[Anonymous29 in reply to Boo718]

Thank you, I've thought about going private but I honestly dont even know where to start! We get married next year so think I'll do some research to start with a private clinic after. Thank you for you reply, be definitely was a prick 🤣 xxx

[Kittykat198]

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Your consultant sounds horrible and isn’t representative of all clinics thanks fully. I had to lose weight to have clomid too and when I started Ivf I went private as No nhs funding anyways with a bmi over 30. You are definitely more than your number on the scale. Sending a hug

[Anonymous29 in reply to Kittykat198]

I think BMI is a very outdated measurement but I know it's mainly to do with funding. Hope you had a positive outcome, thank you for replying xx

[Twiglet2]

that’s so rubbish 😥 these consultants should realise that they are literally talking to us about our hopes and dreams and something that we think about all the time and what they do and say in a short appointment might not mean much to them but can mean everything to us! Yes you need to have a BMI of under 30 for nhs funding (we have to have BMI under 35 even for our private treatment 🙄) but there are ways to discuss that with people without making them feel like crap!

My partner was struggling with stopping smoking when we first went for nhs treatment and the first person who spoke to us was so dismissive and condescending it made them go straight outside for a cigarette! but the 2nd one was so supportive that it actually helped encourage them to stop (temporalily for treatment 😝) so I defo know that support and not shaming is how it should be done to actually help. Please don’t feel bad about yourself because of this person it actually only reflects badly on them! Good luck with everything and your upcoming wedding xxx

[helodie]

I’m so sorry this person in a position of power and responsibility treated you so badly. They should not have and it’s they who are in the wrong. If you have the choice I recommend never returning to a medical professional who makes you feel that way.

I had a BMI of over 40 a few years ago and whilst I found a private IVF clinic who would work with me I decided instead to have weight loss surgery to get to a place where I felt better in myself. My BMI is now just under 30 after a year of pre-surgery prep and a year post surgery living, so I’ve been waiting to start my ivf with great anticipation. I’m just sharing that to say, I relate to the shame induced by medical professionals who are ignorant of their unconscious bias.

The internalised fat phobia in clinicians is a real problem and - as you say - support is the way to help people to achieve their goals, whatever they might be, not humiliation or shaming.

I’m not at all suggesting that my approach is the right one or would be useful, but just wanted to chime in to offer support and to recognise how rigid the BMI rules are for IVF and how utterly dispiriting that is for those of us who have higher BMIs. I have one very good friend who is unable to conceive naturally and who’s BMI is similar to my previous one. She has been turned down for fertility treatment on the NHS but has decided that she does not wish to lose weight in order to meet the BMI rules and I respect that choice.

For me, I decided to do a very extreme and drastic thing but I could not see another way to be accepted for my treatment (nb I don’t live in the UK so it wasn’t the NHS). It was a big sacrifice to make and I hope it will be for the best.

Wishing you the best of luck on the rest of your journey x