Heartbroken

[Cats78]

Hi all. My fiance and I have been TTC for 4.5 years now, I have unexplained infertility, he has 3 kids from a previous relationship.

Over the years, I've been told conflicting things about having PCOS, sometimes it feels like i'm just a complete medical mystery!

I had my right ovary removed in April 2012 due to it being covered with a complex cysts. I was put on Clomid nearly 2 years ago which did nothing to help, so was told my only hope of conceiving was thru IVF.

I have NHS funding for 3 rounds, the 1st round we had in January this year & it was unsuccessful. I also picked up a rare pelvic infection at the time of egg collection, but didnt find out until a month later when i collapsed & was hospitalised for 5 days after having emergency surgery.

We were told that there was no reason why we couldn't have IVF again, but that more precautions would be taken this time to try to stop me catching an infection again. Knowing I'd regret not taking a chance, we recently had Round 2. I had 7 eggs collected, 4 fertilised & 1 embryo was transferred on Day 5 at blastocyst stage.

I was told it was brilliant quality & they were really confident it would work this time around.

Pregnancy test is due to be done tomorrow, but I've been bleeding for the last 5 days so I know it hasn't worked again!

I am devastated, depressed, grieving & I don't feel I am strong enough to get thru this again!

I can't face going through IVF again, all for nothing, but it breaks my heart to think I'll never be a Mummy.

I hate my body so much & I wonder what the hell I've ever done to piss Karma off so much!!

[BluChakra]

Cats78 I know how it feels to hate your body and to be unable to understand why is can't just work 'normally' like everyone else's. I'm extremely pissed off with my body today. I've just been told by the doctor 2 weeks after a failed ivf cycle that all the pain I'm experiencing could be due to collections of fluid in my pelvis and I've been put on antibiotics.

I had a pelvic abscess after surgery earlier this year and had trapped fluid and now it looks like IVF might have triggered more problems. I see my surgeon in two weeks and the GP said he might want to do more surgery. I'm just terrified. I thought we were meant to be gearing up for our next round of IVF.

Like you I just feel devastated and depressed. Whatever happens with your result ( and remember it could possibly be positive even if you are bleeding) you need to give yourself some time to heal physically and mentally before the 3rd round. As I've found to my cost, trying to have IVF too soon after surgery and pelvic infections is not always a great idea and you need to give yourself the best chance.

Wishing you all the best xxx

[Cats78 in reply to BluChakra]

Thank you BluChakra.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is awful for us, and like you say, why can't our bodies just work in a normal way!!

I don't think I'll be going for my 3rd round. I wad thinking earlier, IVF is the worst thing i've ever put my body through

All the mood swings, side effects of medication, the hope and excitement, and all for nothing!! The lows you crash down to when the round fails is almost like going theough a bereavement.

I dont fancy another ride on the emotional rollercoaster.

[cristinajamescj]

I have read a article on PCOS and how it can affect your pregnancy. You can check it here: parentsnet.in/pcos-and-preg...

[BluChakra]

Cats78 I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, but I completely understand why you maybe feel a 3rd round is not for you at this stage. I agree that the whole rollercoaster of IVF is one of the worst things you can choose to put your body, mind and relationship through and you do have to look after yourself, especially where there are other health issues to deal with. You might feel differently in a few months though, but alternatively you might feel even clearer that it is not for you. Whatever you do, give yourself a break and take the pressure off. xxx

[Hidden]

Hiya

I totally get that feeling of broken....sorry to hear your news and pain no one said IVF was easy many stories I have heard on here brake my heart and even though some are positive the negative ones are heart wrenching.

Nothing I say will ease your pain and heartbreak. Can I suggest you write down your feelings get it out, speak about it to hubby stay strong together and please don't give up hope. You have 1 more try prepare your.mind and body, take time out to recoup both you and hubby. Try not to feel defeated life is unkind but somewhere I hope and wish for you a great forgiving moment when all.your heartache and pain will be for your wish.

Here's sending you massive massive hugs xxxx