Has anyone else been feeling this way?? I need advice please!!

[Britt86]

Hello ladies,

I haven’t posted in awhile. My husband and I have been TTC for 4 years, I’ve had two separate surgeries to have my fallopian tube’s removed, did IVF and have had two transfers so far, both didn’t take, countless procedures and then an ectopic pregnancy last summer that resulted in emergency surgery. I was fine and hopeful until the ectopic, it really messed me up mentally. I’m going into my third transfer in a few weeks and I’m not excited about it, I feel like I want to give up on trying to have a kid and just move on with my life. I don’t know if those feelings are genuine or if I’m just so broken from this whole process? My husband still really wants to keep pushing forward. I try to talk to him about this but he doesn’t really understand where I’m coming from. We’ve both been through so much but he wasn’t there for all of the bloodwork’s, invasive procedures, surgeries…it’s been a lot for me and now I have such a negative view on TTC…has anyone else felt this was?? Any advice?? Thank you 🙏 ❤️

[Hope823]

I have not been in your shoes but I would say, dont give up. Take a break-yes, but dont give up. Says on here you are only 36, so you can take a year off to restore your strength. I started my fertility journey at the age of 36, I thought I am getting old and need to hurry but my doctor called me a 'spring chicken' as there are ladies much older and have a successful pregnancies and babies. This is my opinion.

[Britt86 in reply to Hope823]

Thank you so much for your reply! Part of the issue is that my husband is 42 and he feels a lot of pressure to have kids asap. He keeps saying how he doesn’t want to be a super old dad…He’s trying not to put pressure on me but at the same time he is getting impatient because it has been a long process already. I told him that if this next transfer doesn’t work that I want to take a break and wait until the fall to do another transfer. Thanks again for your response ❤️

[Hidden]

Sorry you feel this way but its not unusual so don't panic. I remember I think my fourth cycle saying to the nurse that I felt so down and so negative and she basically said 'what do you expect you have been through the ringer, just keep on keeping on and you will get there'. in a funny way it made me feel better. YOU have been through a really tough time and you are tired physically, mentally and emotionally. And your body is sort of protecting you in case of more disappointment. I think most of us who have been through similarly difficult journeys have felt the same at some point. I suspect you aren't really ready to give up but just anything is more appealling than going through this all again.

Stating the obvious but you have two options, you can 'keep on keeping on' and not beat yourself up for feeling like this and be kind to yourself or you can take a bit of a break. I found at one stage I did need a break and we took four months off and went on holiday and forgot all about TTC (well sort of, obviously not really!!) but I did drink what I wanted, ate what I wanted etc and wow I felt so much better for it mentally and able to go into the next round with a bit more positivity.

Sending you a huge hug, you aren't alone xx

[Britt86 in reply to Hidden]

Hi! Thanks for your response! It really helps knowing I’m not the only person who has felt like this! I follow so many women on Instagram who are in a similar boat and they are so dedicated to trying to get pregnant, I don’t have that same passion anymore…if this next transfer doesn’t work then I’m going to take the summer off and do another transfer in the fall I think. Thanks again for your reply! ❤️

[Ivfgotadream]

After I lost my second tube to another ectopic(ivf transfer) I was very much in the same mindset as you. I realised that TTC no longer consumed me the way it did before. Maybe it was because I nearly died and I realised then that I really had given it my all - no one could say I hadn’t given it everything / including nearly my life. I had no tubes left no money, a stalled career and no will to keep going. I’d already signed up to a 3 cycle package and paid in full but has honestly felt quite resentful of the whole thing - luckily it was natural modified so I knew I could cycle back to back and be able to walk away after 3 months or so and whatever we had to transfer would be our last. That 4th transfer…..gave me twins.

My advice would be set yourself a goal - time or money or both or just a feeling of being at peace with stopping - if you’re like me and wanted to have no regrets is there different protocols you could have tried but haven’t? If you want to try something different don’t be afraid to insist at the clinic - I insisted on natural modified and my hunch was right.

Only you’ll know when you are ready to end your journey - don’t be pressured by your partner or influenced by those around you. At the end of the day they aren’t the ones at the end of the needle. My family weren’t supportive after 2 cycles and 3 transfers so I just stopped telling them. My journey my life my decision

[Britt86 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

Thank you so much for your reply! This is literally exactly how I feel! My mom hasn’t been supportive at all because she doesn’t believe in using IVF to get pregnant…She’s made it way harder, to the point that our relationship has been almost nonexistent. Another worry I have is that she wouldn’t be there to help with the kids if I ended up being able to have any…Congratulations on your twins! It’s nice to hear you are on the other side of it, it gives me hope! Thanks again for responding! ❤️

[Britt86 in reply to Ivfgotadream]

I also wanted to say how sorry I am that you went through that! Ectopic pregnancy’s are so scary and anyone who hasn’t been through it will never know…I was terrified to have sex with my husband after it because I was so afraid of it happening again. Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️

[Chrissie83]

I can so relate to how you are feeling right now. We started our second cycle in March and then I got covid right after collection. Thankfully we still got a couple of fertilised embryos but they are not very good quality, something my clinic keep repeating to me! We are waiting to start a frozen cycle this next month but it just feels hopeless. It’s so hard to keep the faith but I’m trying to remember that we do have a choice, we can stop. A counsellor said to me as long as you want to try 51% that’s enough, you don’t have to feel 100% sure…this process is tougher than I ever imagined and I’m sure for you too, it’s so hard to keep going and as supportive as our other halves can be, I don’t think they can ever appreciate the guilt and pressure we feel on their behalf added to our own. Wishing you all the best x

[Britt86 in reply to Chrissie83]

Hi! Thanks for responding! I sometimes wish my husband could get a glimpse into everything I’ve been through because when you aren’t in the room going through it, you really can’t imagine how hard it all is… What makes it so tough is that we’re on different pages right now and throughout this process we have always been on the same page…I just hope we get back there! Thanks again! ❤️🙏

[Chrissie83 in reply to Britt86]

I can relate to that too. My other half always wants to see the positive which is good, but can be really hard when you feel so crushed by it. He always talks about what we need to be grateful for and sometimes I just don’t feel grateful! this process is brutal and sometimes you just want to feel angry at the world for putting us through it! But then I try and focus on if he’s positive he can do that part and pull us through 😊 good luck x

[fertilityanecdotes]

I was coming on here, feeling just like you!! I am thinking of the next steps and feel like I cannot do it again. I have gone through this in the past however and I took a break and started again. I felt so much better after I had relaxed and stopped thinking about it, and my cycle after that my egg quality was so much better. Sometimes the break helps.

[Britt86 in reply to fertilityanecdotes]

Hi, thanks for your reply! After my ectopic last July we have pretty much taken a break, with the exception of some procedures here and there. I think what’s hard for me right now is that I’m finally starting to feel like myself again, I’ve been enjoying life, taking up new hobbies, getting back into a good work out routine(which gets derailed every time there is a new procedure). I just don’t want to lose myself again and fall into another depression that I’ll have to dig my way out of again…I really appreciate your reply! It helps knowing I’m not the only one feeling like this! ❤️

[Bule84]

Hi lovely,i saw your post the other day and i just wanted to reassure you and instill some positive vibes.I cannot say much more beautiful words than what has been said already.

But you are not alone am in the same boat as you,lost both fallopian tubes to ectopic pregnancies by the age of 26yrs am now 38yrs.Have had two failed fresh cycles i've been through it all until i decided to take a break(last treatment was 2017)until now.We have one frostie to try with.Hubby is 44yrs and he has been reluctant about the whole thing after our first failed cycle he just lost hope.

So take a break if u need to and once you've gathered your strength give it another go....i think its sweet that yiur hubby is so willing go for it girl🥰

Best of luck and look after yourself xx

[Britt86 in reply to Bule84]

Hello! Thanks for your response! I’m so sorry you have had to go through all of that! My first Fallopian tube was removed from being blocked and then my second one because of the ectopic…I knew a bit about ectopic pregnancy’s before but after going through it, it’s one of the worst things I have ever gone through and I can’t believe you had to go through that twice! Good for you for keeping the hope alive and I really hope you get your happy ending! Thank you for sharing your story! ❤️🙏

[Bule84 in reply to Britt86]

Hi,aw...thank you so much for messaging back.I am so grateful for the fertility platform because it connects us to people who have been through the same experience.

By the way i noted that u are in South Africa,am from Durban🤗

[Britt86 in reply to Bule84]

That’s strange that it says I’m from South Africa because I’m actually from Canada 🤔 very weird!

[Bule84 in reply to Britt86]

Apologies,my bad🙈 got mixed up with someone else.It does say u are in Canada.

I hope all goes well my lovely,am trying to be patient as much as i can.I just wanna get to the ultimate results😂

Take care x