***Sad news***Missed miscarrige

It's a weeks since we found out out little jelly bean had no longer a heartbeat. The saddest part is that on last Wednesday I went to my doctor and told him that I started having a brown discharge and he said that's totally normal for some women but I'm not a normal one considering my chemical from December. Called my clinic and they told me if there's no red blood and cramping everything should be fine. So on Thursday we went for a private scan, that we paid because I couldn't relax.

The doctor started to do the scan on the abdomen and she couldn't see anything, I was supposed to be 10w5d so not seeing anything was odd. So she did an internal one and our little jelly was dead for at least 2 weeks. His heart stopped a few days after our viability scan. She couldn't say the exact day because he shrinks a little after he dies. In that moment our hearts stopped also.

The next day went to my doctor for help. And he started to ask me what to do? Where I live the GP does everything, he has to sent you to further investigations. So knowing that my baby was dead inside of me for 2 weeks he called the hospital and I had to wait almost a week for a scan for them to confirm what we already knew and live with a dead baby inside of me. I prayed that day to start bleeding, I couldn't stand feeling like a walking coffin. So it started. At least God listened to a pray.

Sorry a little TMI coming

What I wasn't prepared, were the pains. The excruciating pains. From Saturday until Monday they came and went away but on Tuesday tissue started coming out and a lot of bleeding so we went to the hospital. And believe it or not in Denmark you have to make an appointment to the emergency room before you get there. Never went, never knew. So I was in excruciating pain, crying and I had to give all the details to a lady at phone with what was happening. So she made and appointment. 1 hour passed and I was crying and begging my husband to stop the pain. I started throwing up from the pain, blood started pouring through my jeans and then I had a odd feeling like I needed to poop. So I went again to the toilet and then a big chunk of tissue feel in the toilet and then the pain stopped and I felt so relieved. But the blood started coming even faster. Before the doctor came to examine me I had blood almost at my knees but when I took my clothes off another piece of tissue fell from me and blood went through my ankles and pouring. She examined me, took a few pieces of tissue out, did an internal scan and I still had a little tissue left. So I had to stay on night at the hospital.

They didn't give me an IV and from 12 am I was told I shouldn't eat anything and at 6 am I should stop drinking water. Because they assumed I'll need a D&C done. I had to wait until 12 pm before the doctor did an ultrasound to say that everything looks fine and the tissue left will come on its own. The hospital didn't helped me with anything. Not an IV, not a painkiller, no nothing. Not even some empathy from them.

The hardest part was to see how my husband was unable to help me and how it drove him crazy. How he cried and I could see the pain in his eyes.

So we're sad to say that after 1 failed transfer and 2 miscarriages, our journey of having our own baby stops here not because of money or no longer having any rounds. We still have 2 rounds but we don't know if we have any genetic problems. Here I have to wait for a 3rd miscarriage for them to do any testing and they don't do PGS tests on embryos at all. So my husband told me he won't make me go through this again even if I beg him. I can't do experiments on me. We changed our plans and we're going to start the process of adopting.

Sorry for such a long story! This community helped me a lot in my darkest times and I can talk freely here knowing that I'm understood and not judged for my decisions.

I wish you all a lot of strength to go further and you may all get the babies you deserve. And the ones that are pregnant...healthy and full term pregnancies with no stress.

[Hidden]

AllyGaby, this must have been truly horrific for you both. I am so sorry you went through such an awful experience. I hope you both have some support from family or friends just now.x I also hope telling your story helps to make some sense of it all. Sending my best to you both & good luck with your adoption plans going forward.xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words. We're truly blessed with a lovely family that supports us and a few friends that understand us. 🥰

[Alwaysbelieving]

I’m so sorry, my heart broke for you reading this. Sending so much love and strength to you and your husband xx

[Hidden in reply to Alwaysbelieving]

Thank you so so much! It's sad but we'll get better with each passing day. We have to. I'm thankful for my loving and caring husband. He helped me a lot!

[Hoping20]

I am so sorry to read about the ordeal you have endured. Having a miscarriage is one of the hardest things a woman will ever go through. Reading through your recent experience, I really feel for you. Every loss is absolutely heartbreaking and life changing so please look after yourself. I hope you are resting and recovering now. With time the emotional pain will ease a little but for now be extra kind to yourself. Thinking of you tonight x

[Hidden in reply to Hoping20]

Such lovely words. Thank you! I have my husband helping me and supporting me. And I have my little kitty being the sweetest and taking advantage of each nap I take to sleep with me. I'm thankful that my husband got a few days off work to stay with me. I'm still a little afraid to be alone. I know that it will get better eventually. Life has to go on!

[AuroraXen]

Oh love. I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry this happened to you. Words just aren't enough but I'm really brokenhearted for you. What an awful experience. The lack of care and support you've had from the hospital is truly shocking. I can completely understand you both wanting to draw a line after this, and after the shock and grief starts to wear off I wish you all the best in adopting (if this is still what you both feel to be the right course). You know of course that sometimes these moments are too raw to make big decisions but i think we also know when enough is enough and the trauma you've been through is terrible. 2 of my friends have adopted toddlers and have never looked back, their motherhood dreams came true by a different route to most. But wherever you go next, you go with the love and support of everyone here ❤️ xx

[Hidden in reply to AuroraXen]

Thank you so much! You always say the sweetest words! I saw how you try to make everyone around here when they're sad, feel a little better.

We were considering adopting before starting IVF because here they have some shitty rules. If you have a child adopted you're not eligible for the program or if either of us had a child from any previous relationships. So we were waiting to have our own child before adopting. But life seems to have other plans.

[Star241]

Oh my goodness I am so sorry for what you have been through I sounds such a tough time, how you doing now? It is so much to process, wishing you you love ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Star241]

I'm ok. Relieved that the pain stopped. It was excruciating and horrific. Still bleeding, not as much but I'm starting to feel that empty feeling the baby has left behind. I'm still a little exhausted and tired. But I'm sure anything physical related will get better sooner then the mental part. Thank you for your taking a few minutes to send me a message🥰

[Star241 in reply to Hidden]

You have really been through it and I just wanted to acknowledge that very personal message you shared, wishing you all the best going forward xx

[Hidden in reply to Star241]

Thank you much! It was personal but I hope someday, someone will find this message and won't feel alone and know that even if it hurts like hell with time pain can heal!

[Questioningitall]

Ally I'm so sorry for what you've just had to go through! That sounds so unbelievably traumatic, they really should have been more empathic. I'm glad you have a wonderful and caring husband to look after you though and wish you all the best with your adoption journey x

[Gillis]

Oh honey you poor thing, I'm so sorry to hear what your going through. I can't possibly imagine the pain and sadness that you are going through during this difficult time. Take all the support you can get, I really wish and hope that you dream comes true.

[xIVFWarriorx]

I too had a missed miscarriage, the pregnancy ended soon after I’d had my positive tests but I had to wait until my 7wk scan to find out. I then had the agony of waiting another 4wks, enduring countless visits to my clinic for blood tests because my HCG was still rising, an overnight stay in the gynaecology ward because I was in agony with a pain in my shoulder that they thought could have been an ectopic pregnancy then had to go through medical management to get the pregnancy tissue out because my body wasn’t doing it on its own. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It truly is awful, and I can completely understand your husbands thoughts on not wanting to go through it again. My husband was almost in the same boat but we’ve decided we’re going to try one more round of IVF. If it doesn’t work, I think we’ll settle for being a childless couple and make peace with it. I really commend you for going down the adoption route. Such an admirable thing to do. I wish you both the best of luck with your adoption journey ❤️

[liskeran]

AllyGaby I do not comment often though I’m grateful to all the posters here who do. But your story is so similar to mine (though thankfully nurses were very empathetic in my case) and I just wanted to reach out and just say I understand and send you a virtual hug. It did take me a while to handle the grief, and I think it’s so so hard to express these thoughts - on this form though we understand. X

[Hidden in reply to liskeran]

It's awful! Nobody deserves this kind of experience! Thank you for your kind words!😍

[Hoop123]

Oh Ally, there are no words. I'm so heartbroken for you and your husband and so so sorry you've had to go through this. The experience at the hospital sounds traumatic and I hope you have plenty of support while you grieve and work through this. Take it day by day is all I can recommend. Some days will be easier than others but there will be more and more light. Sending you lots of love, comfort and best wishes for your next steps on the adoption journey 💕 xx

[Positivechangeplease]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve been there with my MC at 12 weeks. Exactly the same pain, the same lack of help from the hospital, dealing with it on my own. It doesn’t seem right. Take the time to grieve now because it’s an extremely sad thing that’s happened. Mine happened over a year ago and although I’m pregnant at the moment with hopefully a healthy baby it can still make me cry to think about it. It’s a big loss and I feel for you and you have to nice and take care of yourself now xxx

[Hidden in reply to Positivechangeplease]

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I pray for you to have a healthy baby. We all deserve our rainbow babies! Thank you so much for taking time to write a few words of encouragement to me!

[Positivechangeplease in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, it’s 18 months with polyps removed and a failed FET first - but just so you know there’s hope out there. Right now you just need to really take care of yourself. It’s such a sad time. I wish you all the wine and hugs 🤗 that you can get. And I just hope the hospitals get better at taking care of MC patients. Xxx

[Hidden]

Thank you girls so so much for your support and kind words. It seems that I'm not alone in this experience even if I feel this way. It's sad, nobody should experience this kind of grief and pain! But God has his plans for everyone of us! We must be strong and never give up hope. One way or another life is short and we should enjoy everyday! I'm grateful that we're healthy, our parents, friends and family too. Sending lots of hugs to everyone one of you!

[Applepie7]

My heart broke reading this. I wish you inner peace and strength . All the best with your adoption plans. Thinking of you and your husband xxx

[Littlepeax]

This really is heartbreaking 💔 I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. You are amazing and your husband sounds amazing too. What an inspiration ❤️ lots of love and strength with your next journey of adopting. What a lucky child they will be xxx

[liskeran]

I think what is really hard is trying to explain this loss outside places like this forum. I always feel like after a transfer I’m pregnant no matter how long for. To lose in this way is such a difficult thing to grieve. When you adopt your child will have gone through grief too and your understanding of this will make your bond all the stronger and more special. Wishing you so much luck on this next journey and hope you are kind to yourself in allowing yourself time and space to grieve. 💜

[Hidden in reply to liskeran]

Thank you so much for your kind words! Sending hugs!🥰

[MAPB in reply to liskeran]

What a truly accurate picture you paint of the embryo transfer experience. I wish I found this group earlier than I did, hearing someone else say what you are holding in your heart makes an incredible difference to how you feel x

[MAPB]

I can’t believe something like this could happen in this day and age. I just can’t. I know people who have suffered a similar lack of action and empathy but to endure it for this reason. The fact you are still enduring, and strong enough to keep pursuing your dreams by any route is a monumental display of courage and determination from you and your husband. I’m in awe of your strength, I don’t know if I could do it x

[Hidden in reply to MAPB]

Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words! It's sad that things like this still happen. But we have to move further and live our life! And I forgot to say that Sunday my 13 old dog died. We had such an awful week. Its been a nightmare. The first days I woke up hoping everything was a dream. Sending lots of hugs!❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[JOSANDY40]

Hi, It's sad for you both but what you must see is there was something wrong. I feel you need to see this in a positive way. You wouldn't have wanted a sick child. Or even got upto the due date then this happen. Lots of cuddles together, love and bonding this Easter!

Sending my best wishes a new way around your feelings.

x

[Barenina]

Hi, I feel for you and your husband, what an awful experience!

I am Norwegian and here also they don’t PGS test the embryos or test further before you have 3 miscarriages.

I had one missed miscarriage and one miscarriage last fall, and have previously had 2 chemicals over the years, so they decided to give me further testing. The testing didn’t show anything so it’s not certain you will find anything anyways 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wish there was more support when you suffer a miscarriage, because it’s excruciating. And you feel so alone. I had to cancel my first pregnancy check at the free clinic twice and I wish they could just have said: come in for a talk anyways, now you need this session/talk/support more than ever.

Know you are not alone in this and I wish you heal as good as you can. Adopting sounds like a good plan, something I wish we considered right after our first child by IVF. Now we are getting too old and I don’t if I have the energy as it is also a lengthy process probably taking up to 5 years in Norway at least. I hope the process is easier in Denmark?

All the best

Nina ✨

[Hidden in reply to Barenina]

Thank you so much Nina for your kind words and for sharing your story! I'm so sorry you had to go through so many miscarriages, it's a lot to process. I'm sure that the adoption process will bring more waiting and stress but in the end it will be worth it!

[Anjalichaudhary]

Hey, i m so sorry you have to gone through this, sometimes life is just so cruel, take rest and get well soon.

[DG2022]

I feel your sadness and pain 😟 xx

[Shireen1]

Dear Ally, I am so sorry! Your story broke my heart. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you recover fast and I wish you all the luck in your adoption process. I started the process myself but I live in the NL and they had stopped all adoptions from abroad few years ago. I am hoping it will resume soon. I remember watching this show about a couple trying to adopt a child. It’s called ‘Trying’ on Apple TV. It’s not instructional or anything, just something that might keep your mind occupied through these days and perhaps even make you laugh at times. I hope you and your partner will soon get to be parents one way or another.

[Hidden in reply to Shireen1]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm starting to feeĺ better with each passing day. But my mind and soul will need a little more time.