Guys just an update of my emotional roller coaster!! Emotions running high!!

[Mar786]

I had a transfer done FET a couple weeks ago of 2 5day blastocyst!! My journey was going very well. 2ww was torture but as the lines got darker and darker i was hopeful i was not going to have another chemical with all the hope - After 2ww i was booked in for a scan after another 2 weeks. Lines still going stronger as can be!! 5weeks 2 day i had a gush of blood and slight pains went to EPU and they stated could be ectopic and just to keep an eye on bloods!! First they were saying bleeding could be a clot!! Anyway went back with high hcg numbers then i had another continuous bleed went in at 5weeks 5 days hcg levels had dropped and they had said its miscarriage.. still testing positive with all symptoms is soo frustrating and emotional. I thought i had it but just like that everything was taken away. I had aready started to love this child and making plans.. i was also on a hell of alot of mediation from them awful blood thinners. Dont know if im strong enough to go through this agian!! Also my progesterone was low at transfer i had to fight for them to do a blood test but it was causing problems most of the way through. Just feel so so let down like after such high positives its over jus like that. Positive are still there but getting lighter EPU said can take 2 weeks to clear. Just need a closure!!

Sorry for going on but i also wanted to thank everyone here that has supported me as i was new to this and was to nervous to share my experience but it has helped soo much in letting my emotions out and knowing im not the only one!!

Good luck to all still on your journey it is one heck of a rollercoaster be strong!! Xxx

[Riri88]

Ooh my love, I am so sorry to read this. It is torture to still feel all the symptoms but waiting for your body to deal with it and miscarry. I am currently in limbo with a similar ish situation so can relate but I know that won’t make it any easier on you. When you go through everything we do to get here it is even more soul crushing.

I am sending you lots and lots of hugs and love ❤️ Be kind to yourself in these difficult times and I hope over time the grief will become less intense. ❤️❤️

[Mar786 in reply to Riri88]

Thank you soo much for your kind words. I really pray that your is just a normal bleed and you are totally fine!!This is my 3rd transfer dont know if i have any more strength. I have a frozen 4bc but its day 6 so dont hold much hope for that at all!!

But yes grief takes its time. Also alot if my family members are announcing pregnancies so does get a little difficult but onwards and upwardsxxx

[Riri88 in reply to Mar786]

Thank you for your kind words as well! I booked another private scan tomorrow (I just need some re assurance I think) to know it has not disappeared.

It is soo hard when friends or family announce they are pregnant. Great for them obviously, but totally understand your feelings. And they are very normal to have! I really do hope time will give you some answers to knowing what to do next! Take care for now!❤️

[Mar786 in reply to Riri88]

Thank you - praying your scan goes well xx

[sun-and-rain]

Oh, sweetie, we know what is this. Most of us have been through it - once, twice, seven times... It's tough, but you can do it! Was this your first try? Do you have plans for another try? You know, they say 1/3 have success at first try with IVF. That means 2/3 need more than one try to get their baby (it took me 6 ETs!), and the clinics often use the failures to make the necessary adjustments for to improve your chances next time! And sometimes it's just bad luck all over, the egg just wasn't as good as it seemed at this early stage when they transfer it. And you might not even have realised you were pregnant hadn't you gone through this IVF rollercoster. Hoping for you that you'll be able to look forward after the first emotional pain, helped by hormons' turmoil and eventual physical pain, has settled, and that you have the opportunity to give it another try ❤❤❤ Some tough days lay ahead, but you get through it ❤❤❤

[Mar786 in reply to sun-and-rain]

Hiyaa Thank you soo much for your lovely words. I know you are soo right this is my 3rd attempt. I do have a daughter who is 4 from ivf really wanted a sibling for her as she is always asking me for a sister!!! Just breaks my heart that its not so easy. I know I shouldnt be ungrateful as i do have my daughter.

Just feel like after 3 attempts i dont know if i can carry on. Only have a frozen day 6 left which is also not the best of quality!!

But your right some days are easier then others just so hard when everyone around you is getting pregnant!!

I will probably have further tests and then take it from there when im ready. Just so draining financially, physically and emotionally!!

Does help with the advice of others xxx

[sun-and-rain in reply to Mar786]

I'm so sorry it hasn't neen an easy road to achieve your longed for second pregnancy 💔 I can imagine how tough it must be for you gals who have older children who surely have discovered that there's something called siblings, but can't be burdened with the reality of life quite yet... (I just realise it was a good idea to start this similar journey of ours us before my boy turned two.) And not having the opportunity to be funded, so you have to pay it all yourself... That's a rough journey! Sorry you didn't make it this time, hoping you find your way ❤

[Mar786 in reply to sun-and-rain]

Thanks xxx

[Hopingforbaby_]

I’m so sorry to hear how tough this journey has been on you ♥️ Don’t give up hope yet!

[Mar786]

Thank you xxx This is the thing i just don't want to give up!!

Have a frozen embryo left when i feel ready will probably go for that!! Xxx

[Nhagarib]

I hope you get some good news in the scan 🤞. Dont write off day 6 embryos, a friend of ours was pregnant with identical twins from one. It's so hard trying to keep it together with the bleeding 😭. Hopefully is all goes well.